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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WiBU - school or me?

112 replies

StonedRoses · 14/11/2021 08:42

DS is in Yr6. I don’t work on Mondays so those days I sort out pick up drops of etc. Rest of the week we share it.
Last Monday I get a call from school around 11am asking me to pick him up. Apparently he had a headache and looked pale. So I told them I’d be there ASAP but would take about 40min
Although it was my day off I’d popped into town to do some jobs and get stuff I can’t get locally - so I’d gone on the train as parking is impossible. Hence it took a little while to get to station and wait for train
School were not happy and said I should have been immediately available. Is that reasonable? Or possible? If I’d been working it would have taken longer

As an aside DS is hardly ever ill. So it’s not a regular thing. And perked up very quickly with a dose of calpol and an afternoon of gaming….

OP posts:

Scarby9 · 14/11/2021 08:44

Ridiculous of school.
If you had been travelling for work or knew you were going Christmas shopping in Manchester or something, that's different, but 40 minutes really isn't much.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/11/2021 08:45

School might want you to be immediately available but that’s just not realistic for many families. Most days we have someone who could collect within 30 mins, but there are odd days when mum/dad/GPs are all too far away. It’s like schools haven’t moved on from the 50s when more households had a SAHM.

millenialblush · 14/11/2021 08:47

The school are, obviously. Parents don't sit around waiting for the school to call in case they have to pick them up. I got a call from the school once and didn't have a car at the time so started to walk to there (about a 10 min walk). They called me 3 times asking me how long I was going to be ffs

TheVolturi · 14/11/2021 08:47

Bloody ridiculous. Are we supposed to sit outside the school gates every day in case kids need to come home? No!

Whynotnowbaby · 14/11/2021 08:48

School ibu in my opinion. It would take me at least half an hour to get to dd’s school from my workplace and, as I’m also a teacher, I would first have to find someone to cover my class. Schools cannot expect people to wait within five minutes of the school all day in case of emergency. In our school we have a medical room where children can park wait to be collected.

RicStar · 14/11/2021 08:48

We could rarely pick up in less than that time, and wouldn't have anyone closer who could pick up an unwell child wouldn't ask friends and DC wouldn't want to go with them!, I would have thought that was very very normal amount of time for a parent / carer to get to an unexpected pick up.

SirChenjins · 14/11/2021 08:50

School is BU - it’s common for both parents work now that we’ve moved into the 21st century, and the days of parents (ie the mum - it’s usually the mum they phone first ) being available at the drop of a hat is long gone.

What happens when teachers children are ill at school - do their DCs schools expect them to drop classes and run immediately?

Nyxly · 14/11/2021 08:54

I had this with the school. I was in the nearest city 20 mins away. Told them it would be about half an hour by the time I got the car.

They said the same, that parents were expected to be immediately available and nor far from the school.

I laughed at them and pointed our that loads of kids at the school had 2 working parents. And it would take more than 30 mins for people to pack up at work let someone know what was happening and then get there. I then asked if 'immediately' available is part of the criteria for admission? Or have they advised anyone that all parents must stay close to the school during the school day.

Obviously the answer to those things were no.

Yanbu

MsTSwift · 14/11/2021 08:55

School rang to say my 13 year old had hurt her finger 🙄. It was literally the one day of the year I don’t have the car. I asked if they could let her walk no that’s not allowed. It was 2pm so was going to get a cab then thought this is ridiculous so mean mum said she can come home as normal. Took it for x Ray - not broken.

MsTSwift · 14/11/2021 08:57

By the time I would have walked it it would have been 20 mins before hometime!

Soontobe60 · 14/11/2021 09:00

Were you actually 40 minutes or were you longer? Did you tell them on the phone how long you would be? Maybe someone at school was having a bad day🤣🤣

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/11/2021 09:08

So if you live more than 30mins away do you have to park near the school and stay there all day?
I've lived between a 2 minute walk and a 25minute drive away from DDs schools!

Mumdiva99 · 14/11/2021 09:08

40 minutes doesn't sound all that.long to me.....as someone else said, by the time you pack up work, walk to a car and drive 10/20 minutes it can easily be 40 mins.....
If you work an hour away then it knight be reasonable to ask for a local contact as that knight stretch to 1.5 hours which for an ill child or medical emergency is a long time.

Whataday21 · 14/11/2021 09:08

We used to have parents take hours to pick their kids up, usually teachers waiting for cover for their own classes. It was annoying to us as it put pressure on staffing, and their kids who were poorly, but it was completely acceptable and expected. We live in a new area with no support and it could take ages to get to our kids, but I expect their school would be as equally unreasonable as yours!

audweb · 14/11/2021 09:11

I was one phoned to pick my kid up and I was a train over an hour away to a work meeting. I had to get off the train and wait for the next one back. The school just accepted it. I did offer to try and find a friend to go pick her up but they said they would just wait and it was Ok. Ridiculous to assume you would be automatically be nearby. Oh and her dad lives at least forty five mins away so he was no option either. It is what it is.

PittaMyBread · 14/11/2021 09:14

The school are crackers. My commute to work in London is 1.5 hours so if family aren’t around to get my little one for me then that’s how long it’ll take me to get there.

AnUnlikelyCombination · 14/11/2021 09:22

In London suburbs, two parents both working in town is common. No one drives in, so a tube/train/bus/walk of over an hour to get to school for an emergency pick up is common. If it’s serious, they call and arrange to meet at the A&E nearest the school. The OP’s school is being very unreasonable.

TangerineDreams · 14/11/2021 09:23

I used to suffer from really bad migraines and I just wanted to be at home curled up in bed full of painkillers. Unfortunately my mum didn't like to stop what she was doing (unemployed but liked her hobbies or socialising) and come get me. Sometimes I would spend a good two hours crippled with pain on a seat outside the reception desk and running to the loo to painfully vomit bile every few minutes. And you know what? The school didn't kick off that a parent couldn't get there within a certain time period because that's bloody unreasonable!

My nearest town now is 45 minutes away (we're in a rural village) and half the village works in that town. Not everyone can be at the school within minutes.

My mum was just the exception of course as she was never far away and I actually wish they had kicked off. But my mum is my mum and there's a good reason I left home at 16.

queenMab99 · 14/11/2021 09:24

Obviously the school was being unreasonable, but the problem is deeper than that, society has changed dramatically in the last 20/40 years or so, but expectations of parenting and family life haven't kept up. This disparity puts enormous stress on all of us, made much worse by austerity in government spending, the schools are stretched because they don't have the staff to cope with everyday situations like this. Child care is expensive but skimpy, we are all trying to cope with not enough resourses. Things really need to change.

MrsColon · 14/11/2021 09:25

Email them and ask whether they are genuinely suggesting that parents don't go to work or leave the house in case school call - ask them to clarify their policy. They'll back down immediately!

queenMab99 · 14/11/2021 09:25

*resources

Fomomofo · 14/11/2021 09:27

School were being unreasonable unless they misunderstood and thought you were going to finish shopping first

fourminutestosavetheworld · 14/11/2021 09:33

I'm a teacher and I think school were unreasonable. We put poorly children into a quiet room where they can lie down until a parent arrives, and 40 mins is a perfectly normal commute for many people, even if they drop everything and come immediately.

I honestly can't understand what they were upset about if you picked up the first time they rang, were polite and accepting of the situation, and came straight away.

If they had to ring many times before they reached you, or you were grumpy about it, or you took ages and it was clear you finished your shopping first, then maybe I could understand some tetchiness.

lentilsforever · 14/11/2021 09:34

What did they actually say OP?

lentilsforever · 14/11/2021 09:37

And couldn’t they have called your DW?

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