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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WiBU - school or me?

112 replies

StonedRoses · 14/11/2021 08:42

DS is in Yr6. I don’t work on Mondays so those days I sort out pick up drops of etc. Rest of the week we share it.
Last Monday I get a call from school around 11am asking me to pick him up. Apparently he had a headache and looked pale. So I told them I’d be there ASAP but would take about 40min
Although it was my day off I’d popped into town to do some jobs and get stuff I can’t get locally - so I’d gone on the train as parking is impossible. Hence it took a little while to get to station and wait for train
School were not happy and said I should have been immediately available. Is that reasonable? Or possible? If I’d been working it would have taken longer

As an aside DS is hardly ever ill. So it’s not a regular thing. And perked up very quickly with a dose of calpol and an afternoon of gaming….

OP posts:
FingersofFish · 14/11/2021 10:35

I have 2 primary children and I generally work about 90 mins away (used to work 2.5 hrs away). In an emergency my parents are the contacts but they are 40 mins away realistically, the only option for me, luckily I often can work from home post covid and whenever there has been an emergency I have been at home and a 10 min walk away. I think school are being ridiculous, I would feel awful myself if I couldn't go but not awful enough to stop working!

LeroyJenkinssss · 14/11/2021 10:37

I’ve had similar to a previous poster. School have rung me twice, were irate that I didn’t pick up straight away. I wasn’t best pleased that they hadn’t tried my DH who is a SAHP and listed as first contact. Their response? We always ring mum first regardless.

cowburp · 14/11/2021 10:38

@LeroyJenkinssss

I’ve had similar to a previous poster. School have rung me twice, were irate that I didn’t pick up straight away. I wasn’t best pleased that they hadn’t tried my DH who is a SAHP and listed as first contact. Their response? We always ring mum first regardless.
I had to request the nursery ring DH first about 4 times before they swapped us.
Iamnotthe1 · 14/11/2021 10:39

Does your school not? There's normally parental contacts and then a separate emergency contact. Most parents just write themselves in again (if they are available) but we do have families that will put grandparents / aunts and uncles / neighbours etc.

Iamnotthe1 · 14/11/2021 10:40

@LeroyJenkinssss

I’ve had similar to a previous poster. School have rung me twice, were irate that I didn’t pick up straight away. I wasn’t best pleased that they hadn’t tried my DH who is a SAHP and listed as first contact. Their response? We always ring mum first regardless.
That's absolutely ridiculous and I hope you kicked off. 1st contact is 1st contact!
Larryyourwaiter · 14/11/2021 10:46

Well the number of times we were sent information about school performances/events with less than 48 hours notice. Yes I think they do.

Sebastianthecoo · 14/11/2021 10:52

I once had a call from school at work and called back my eldest had a headache, while in the staff room the emergency alarm went off for an arrest so I told them I had to go and basically hung up - assuming they would phone DH.

An hour later I called DH, he hadn’t heard anything. Called school back and they said he’s fine, we didn’t want to bother dad as we know he is busy working. I was Hmm

HelpingToHelpHer · 14/11/2021 10:54

School ABU.

I live a 15 minute walk from school, I don't always have a car (share with another family member) so it's always at least 20 minutes with putting shoes on, switching off lights etc. for me to get there, that's if they catch me when not on a client otherwise if could be 10-15 minutes before I can call back and then 20 minutes to get there.

HelpingToHelpHer · 14/11/2021 10:55

*not on an actual client call

AnUnlikelyCombination · 14/11/2021 10:55

Which is why parents need to think very carefully about who they list as emergency contacts (if theu have options). Sometimes there needs to be a clear difference between parental contact and emergency contact.

Absolutely. Local granny is third on the form with a note saying she’s local and to call her if they can’t get me or DH (we sometimes wfh, so it’s worth trying us first). But it doesn’t happen, last time I emerged from underground to three missed calls, DH got one, they didn’t try granny.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 14/11/2021 10:57

When I was at school, four decades ago, it was perfectly normal that parents couldn’t be contacted. If they weren’t at home when the school rang, they weren’t available. Very few people had answer phones, and there was no way of checking if anyone had called. In direst of dire emergencies, police would help locating parents.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 14/11/2021 10:59

I've never had school say that. I've had members of the parents' group say that when DS1 banged his head. Apparently I wasn't allowed to go into town. Halloween Hmm I was supposed to sit in the parents' room from 9 - 3. Halloween Hmm

Iamnotthe1 · 14/11/2021 10:59

@AnUnlikelyCombination

Which is why parents need to think very carefully about who they list as emergency contacts (if theu have options). Sometimes there needs to be a clear difference between parental contact and emergency contact.

Absolutely. Local granny is third on the form with a note saying she’s local and to call her if they can’t get me or DH (we sometimes wfh, so it’s worth trying us first). But it doesn’t happen, last time I emerged from underground to three missed calls, DH got one, they didn’t try granny.

Ugh. Can't help schools who don't help themselves.
Bunnycat101 · 14/11/2021 11:00

Well if I was in London it could take nearly 2 hours depending on trains. I don’t have family any closer. Wfh reduces the probability of problems but there isn’t much I can do about it if I want a job. Equally a sahm could be out for the day and not immediately available.

Tailendofsummer · 14/11/2021 11:02

The one time I got a call from primary that included the word "ambulance" in it is was amazing how quickly I was out the door and driving to the hospital.
I think you need to think how you would react to getting to a mildly poorly child but also how far away do you want to be in a genuine emergency.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 14/11/2021 11:03

School is U, but ideally you would have one parent or an emergency contact available to get there sooner. What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? Or was vomiting or very ill and distressed? 40minutes (assuming the train was on time) must feel like ages to a child, and a long time to staff if they’ve had to isolate him.

Personally I wouldn’t go shopping so far away unless DH was on call to deal with any accidents/illnesses, or my mum or aunt were staying.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case?

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 14/11/2021 11:09

How long did you take to get there @StonedRoses?

I once had a call about a head injury and could I come ASAP? School was over 30 miles away and I couldn't drive. They rang an ambulance and I met DC at hospital (luckily no fractures just a concussion). The difference is that DC attended a special school and that was the nearest suitable school.

Not everyone can get there ASAP for all sorts of reasons and good schools recognise that. If the child cannot wait for 40 mins to be collected and taken for medical attention, surely school should be ringing an ambulance anyway?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 14/11/2021 11:10

That's utterly farcical.

I regularly pick up my nieces and nephews. I'm listed as an emergency contact and they know when I'm coming. They rang my sister when she was in labour as one of them wasn't well. They knew she was in labour, they knew I was doing pick up, they have my number. What the fuck.

In usual times, my sister could be at work (without a car) about 5 miles away, not far in itself but would take a long time to walk.

Sceptre86 · 14/11/2021 11:15

if my dh was in the office it would take him an hour to get to our kids outside of rush hour. If they called me it would take longer as I would need my boss to get cover otherwise the pharmacy would have to close until another pharmacist arrived.

Even for a sahp it is ridiculous for them to expect you to be available immediately. What if you don't drive and need to walk or take a bus?

School are being unreasonable.

BungleandGeorge · 14/11/2021 11:16

Yes things have changed. In the days before mobile phones it was pretty common that a parent couldn’t be contacted at all!

Whataday21 · 14/11/2021 11:28

FateHasRedesignedMost 😆

claymodels · 14/11/2021 11:37

@FateHasRedesignedMost

School is U, but ideally you would have one parent or an emergency contact available to get there sooner. What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? Or was vomiting or very ill and distressed? 40minutes (assuming the train was on time) must feel like ages to a child, and a long time to staff if they’ve had to isolate him.

Personally I wouldn’t go shopping so far away unless DH was on call to deal with any accidents/illnesses, or my mum or aunt were staying.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case?

Most parents don't put their life on hold, work or otherwise, just in case their child may need an ambulance at school. I realise in some cases where a child has known medical conditions that make the chances of admission by ambulance higher, then being available quickly may be sensible. But generally, for all parents? The idea is ridiculous.

Gliderx · 14/11/2021 11:44

What do schools expect their own teachers who are parents to do if called about their own children? Drop everything and walk out of the class, leaving the pupils unsupervised?

If they accept that no, a teacher in charge of children cannot just leave without putting in place arrangements to cover their responsibilities, then it shouldn't be too difficult for them to comprehend that there are other professions where it is equally difficult for a parent simply to up and leave.

Happily, when we as parents entrust the welfare of our children to schools, we do so in the knowledge that they have protocols and procedures in place to deal with situations where children are unwell or injured. So they are perfectly capable of holding the fort until a parent can get there, whether it takes 2 minutes or 2 hours. It is in fact part of their job.

BadwordMcGee · 14/11/2021 12:04

Absolutely ridiculous. I work virtually next door to my son's school, but I'd need to handover work/ cancel meetings (no admin) find management cover. Could easily take half an hour or more.

radiohelen · 14/11/2021 12:07

YANBU my ds secondary have a detention policy that means they can text at any point in the day to say ds has detention that day and I need to pick him up at 4.15pm. We are expected to be able to do this at any time. I was told it was my problem and they expect learners to make their own arrangements to get home. They also suggested if I couldn't get him he could do it the next day but he would have to do 2hrs detention instead of 1hr.
This came to light because he was left sitting outside school for an hour after a detention I had not picked up on. He was 12 and not one teacher who walked by on their way home asked why he was there.
I think it's a safeguarding issue but they weren't arsed!