WiBU - school or me?

[StonedRoses]

DS is in Yr6. I don’t work on Mondays so those days I sort out pick up drops of etc. Rest of the week we share it.
Last Monday I get a call from school around 11am asking me to pick him up. Apparently he had a headache and looked pale. So I told them I’d be there ASAP but would take about 40min
Although it was my day off I’d popped into town to do some jobs and get stuff I can’t get locally - so I’d gone on the train as parking is impossible. Hence it took a little while to get to station and wait for train
School were not happy and said I should have been immediately available. Is that reasonable? Or possible? If I’d been working it would have taken longer

As an aside DS is hardly ever ill. So it’s not a regular thing. And perked up very quickly with a dose of calpol and an afternoon of gaming….

The “call mum first” is beyond infuriating. DS school used to do this despite DH being first contact and working 10 mins down the road. I on the other hand at best was an hour away and about 50% of the time either over two hours away by train or a flight away.

Interestingly looking back now the only teacher at primary who ever managed to call DH first was the male class teacher.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case

What a daft thing to say.

@Plumbear2

Just to warn you this continues untill year 11. Even in secondary they carnt send them home without an adult if they feel ill.

That’s not the case in my DS’s high school - he’s in S3 and has been able to walk home alone (with my permission and with the school’s knowledge) for over a year now.

If he’s ill I mean.

@Gliderx

What do schools expect their own teachers who are parents to do if called about their own children? Drop everything and walk out of the class, leaving the pupils unsupervised?

If they accept that no, a teacher in charge of children cannot just leave without putting in place arrangements to cover their responsibilities, then it shouldn't be too difficult for them to comprehend that there are other professions where it is equally difficult for a parent simply to up and leave.

Happily, when we as parents entrust the welfare of our children to schools, we do so in the knowledge that they have protocols and procedures in place to deal with situations where children are unwell or injured. So they are perfectly capable of holding the fort until a parent can get there, whether it takes 2 minutes or 2 hours. It is in fact part of their job.

Schools are very good at forgetting that teachers and parents are both "ordinary people" with lives outside of the school gates.

School are being ridiculous. Most days either me or my husband can do a pickup within about 20 minutes but if we couldn't for any reason I would expect the school to just accept we don't sit around all day waiting for a phone call

@FateHasRedesignedMost

School is U, but ideally you would have one parent or an emergency contact available to get there sooner. What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? Or was vomiting or very ill and distressed? 40minutes (assuming the train was on time) must feel like ages to a child, and a long time to staff if they’ve had to isolate him.

Personally I wouldn’t go shopping so far away unless DH was on call to deal with any accidents/illnesses, or my mum or aunt were staying.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case?

If he needed an ambulance, the school would ring one and a teacher would accompany the child - the parent would have to meet them at the hospital, surely?

I was sent home from school sick with stomach bugs several times and regularly had to wait 3+ hours for my parents to pick me up, and they only worked 20 minutes way.

Most parents don't work in jobs where they can just drop everything and rush out of the door on the schools' say-so, lol. They have to hand over to other colleagues, get permission from management, deal with the patient/customer they're dealing with, cancel appointments etc...

Schools can be quite ridiculous. Our primary was like this, they’d get huffy if you couldn’t be there when they summoned you. Each time I’d just remind them I was at work, a considerable train commute away, and ignore their huffing. Not once was the situation serious or urgent.
They’re stuck in a mythical world of the old Topsy and Tim books, where Dad goes to work and Mum is at home all day, and everyone lives a 5 minute walk from school. Even though most primary teachers and school secretaries are women and often mothers themselves, and therefore wouldn’t be able to drop everything and walk out of work if their own child needed collecting.

Ridiculous don't they realise most parents work nowadays, not all sat at home drinking coffee waiting for a call from the school !!

What do schools expect their own teachers who are parents to do if called about their own children? Drop everything and walk out of the class, leaving the pupils unsupervised?

Sometimes I wonder why the staff at my DCs' primary school behave as if many of them have never had their own children.

I have had the situation from both primary and secondary schools where they try me and don't bother with DH, despite the fact that I didn't pick up, and also wondering why I'd take so long to get to my sick child, when I work a 40-min drive away

What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? In that situation, work would understand that I had to drop everything and couldn't make alternative arrangements/ cancel meetings. But it's a different league to a headache!

@FateHasRedesignedMost

School is U, but ideally you would have one parent or an emergency contact available to get there sooner. What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? Or was vomiting or very ill and distressed? 40minutes (assuming the train was on time) must feel like ages to a child, and a long time to staff if they’ve had to isolate him.

Personally I wouldn’t go shopping so far away unless DH was on call to deal with any accidents/illnesses, or my mum or aunt were staying.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case?

How old are your kids? And where do you live that you get so much choice in which school your kids go to.

Most people don't vet a huge choice in schools and certainly don't get to pick a school close to an emergency contact, based on that.

If he needed an ambulance the school would call one and the parent would meet them at the hospital.

Teachers leave school too when their dc are unwell. You can't literally walk out but a phone call and a quick discussion and you're out the door. I've stayed till the end of a lesson when it was cleared not very urgent, but I'm not normally called about non urgent things.

@LeroyJenkinssss

I’ve had similar to a previous poster. School have rung me twice, were irate that I didn’t pick up straight away. I wasn’t best pleased that they hadn’t tried my DH who is a SAHP and listed as first contact. Their response? We always ring mum first regardless.

That's utterly stupid and sexist. Your poor DH! Well done for not telling them that "that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem" or similar!

Utterly ridiculous.

Have you asked for a clarification?

Completely inappropriate response from them.

Parents do not spend their time whilst their children are at school hovering 2 minutes away, waiting for a possible call.

🙄

@FateHasRedesignedMost

School is U, but ideally you would have one parent or an emergency contact available to get there sooner. What if he’d had an accident (eg injury in PE) and needed an ambulance? Or was vomiting or very ill and distressed? 40minutes (assuming the train was on time) must feel like ages to a child, and a long time to staff if they’ve had to isolate him.

Personally I wouldn’t go shopping so far away unless DH was on call to deal with any accidents/illnesses, or my mum or aunt were staying.

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case?

I'd be astonished if there was a single school in the country that had 'distance to workplace/relative' in their admissions criteria.

@TerryIsAllGold

The “call mum first” is beyond infuriating. DS school used to do this despite DH being first contact and working 10 mins down the road. I on the other hand at best was an hour away and about 50% of the time either over two hours away by train or a flight away.

Interestingly looking back now the only teacher at primary who ever managed to call DH first was the male class teacher.

The op is MALE

@FictionalCharacter

Schools can be quite ridiculous. Our primary was like this, they’d get huffy if you couldn’t be there when they summoned you. Each time I’d just remind them I was at work, a considerable train commute away, and ignore their huffing. Not once was the situation serious or urgent. They’re stuck in a mythical world of the old Topsy and Tim books, where Dad goes to work and Mum is at home all day, and everyone lives a 5 minute walk from school. Even though most primary teachers and school secretaries are women and often mothers themselves, and therefore wouldn’t be able to drop everything and walk out of work if their own child needed collecting.

The OP is MALE

How old are your kids? And where do you live that you get so much choice in which school your kids go to

Eldest is 6, I’m pregnant with the next one.

I had son in nursery full time before school, if he was struck by a vomiting bug or covid symptoms nursery expect you to pick up ASAP, I can’t imagine they’d be impressed with a 40-minute wait. School were much the same in Reception. Once he had an accident in the playground and they rang me advising it might need stitching, it was a cut to his face. I was able to pick him up within 10mins, clean it and steri strip it at home. Rather than him sitting distressed and bleeding in reception while the staff panicked about what to do. I realise I’m lucky, but I also made choices along the way that allowed me to be in a position to pick up when needed.

We live in a medium sized town, but chose the nursery and school closest to our house. One of us is often WFH. I changed jobs to be closer to home when we moved. Otherwise I’d have had over an hour’s commute if anything happened and DH wasn’t available. He often works abroad.

Work understand that an ill or injured child means you need to drop everything and go. I’m surprised more workplaces don’t get that. If I have to dash off I simply handover to the nearest colleague, leave a message for the ward manager and go.

Also, school have the phone number for my office, the ward and reception in case they can’t get hold of me on my mobile. The same goes for other staff, it’s not unusual to take an urgent message for someone who needs to pick up their ill child from school.

I guess it’s different in secondary when kids can wait longer?

I work a 15 minute drive from my child’s school. It would still take me about 40 minutes to get to her, including packing up time at work.

Ha. Neither DH or I can get home from work in under an hour, and tbh that's with regular rush hour trains, there's a window in the middle of the day when there's fewer trains and it can take 1h 30 to get home.

I have a local childminder/mum friends who could help in a serious/no option situation (for example: school is flooded all children must be collected immediately). I wouldnt expect to call on that for the situation you describe.

Most people where we live are in the same position - commuting to London. Its an expensive area and there aren't that many SAHPs because most people need two incomes to afford housing here.

It used to be common here to rely on au pairs but they are increasingly hard to get.

@FateHasRedesignedMost

How old are your kids? And where do you live that you get so much choice in which school your kids go to

Eldest is 6, I’m pregnant with the next one.

I had son in nursery full time before school, if he was struck by a vomiting bug or covid symptoms nursery expect you to pick up ASAP, I can’t imagine they’d be impressed with a 40-minute wait. School were much the same in Reception. Once he had an accident in the playground and they rang me advising it might need stitching, it was a cut to his face. I was able to pick him up within 10mins, clean it and steri strip it at home. Rather than him sitting distressed and bleeding in reception while the staff panicked about what to do. I realise I’m lucky, but I also made choices along the way that allowed me to be in a position to pick up when needed.

We live in a medium sized town, but chose the nursery and school closest to our house. One of us is often WFH. I changed jobs to be closer to home when we moved. Otherwise I’d have had over an hour’s commute if anything happened and DH wasn’t available. He often works abroad.

Work understand that an ill or injured child means you need to drop everything and go. I’m surprised more workplaces don’t get that. If I have to dash off I simply handover to the nearest colleague, leave a message for the ward manager and go.

Most can't/ don't wfh.

Most people do apply for schools closest to their school because closest to work is a catchment criteria. Neither is 'near an emergency contact.'

Most people would fling work at a colleague but that also takes a few minutes. Then walking to the car. Then driving, parking up and walking into the school.

Most people can't just move jobs to one closer to their home, because they want to be close to school, just incase the child is ever ill.

Most people give lots of different contact numbers.

Most people wouldn't be able to just be close by and work because their husbands were away.

I live a 5 min walk from my sons school and do wfh. But it's really not that hard to think of a situation where its just not possible.

If I was in the office, I would need to brief one of my staff on a meeting I would need them to do on my behalf. Maybe a couple. I can't just hand paperwork over and expect them to take time out, to get up to speed. Thats not how my job works.Then get out of the office then drive to the school. Again, our head office is a 10 minute drive from my house. But you can't park near the near the to the school. The parent parking is further away than my house. So I need to park at home.

Even with me being close by, adapt would be around 30 mins. 10 mins less than it took the op. Trains run through the town I live in. I could easily get stuck at a crossing for 10 mins on the way.

ASAP is nor a specific time. If it takes 40 mins it takes 40 mins. That is as soon as its possible.

Work understand that an ill or injured child means you need to drop everything and go. I’m surprised more workplaces don’t get that.

A "headache and looks pale" isn't "drop everything and go".

I think schools assume most parents choose a school that’s within easy reach of their workplace or a relative, just in case

This is mad. There are very few employers within 30 mins of my child's school, I'd be limited to working in the supermarket!