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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...

235 replies

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

565 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
3scape · 13/11/2021 21:26

I'd send a laughing emoji. They must be joking. 9 year olds are hardly unable to spot the disconnect.

Strangevipers · 13/11/2021 21:27

It's done

And this happens

Your kid was told not to say anything but is upset that they have caused upset, Adults aren't perfect so children certainly aren't so that should be the end of it

Obviously a group of them were discussing it and your child has spoken out

Just explain your kid is very upset they have caused upset

NuffSaidSam · 13/11/2021 21:27

Hi X, spoke to DC and he/she was gutted to find out they'd upset your child. Have reminded them to keep Santa chat for home. All the best.

StrawberriCream · 13/11/2021 21:27

It depends how close you are to the parent, we don't push Santa so it also wouldn't bother me or my kids but I know some people really do. Part of me would be tempted to message back 'but Santa isn't real they are 9 surely you didn't think you could keep up the pretence much longer' but in reality I probably wouldn't even message back and just tell DC to deflect any further questions by not answering what they actuallythink and saying things like what do you think

purpleme12 · 13/11/2021 21:30

To be honest I'd just say I'm sorry this has happened. I've had a word with him about not doing this again.

Then don't think any more about it.
I mean I wouldn't be happy if a child had done that to my child but I don't think we can hold these things against them because there is always the risk that this will happen
Don't dwell on it

Volhhg · 13/11/2021 21:32

I could not take these people seriously and would avoid them like the plague. Hopefully your kids will drift away from the friendship because surely the kids will turn out like their parents

Gilly12345 · 13/11/2021 21:34

I personally would apologise on my child’s behalf, Santa is such a sensitive area with parents trying to keep the magic going when there are younger siblings, unfortunately your child was the bearer of such news.

We are long past Santa etc which I fully accept but it does change how people feel about Xmas as the ‘magic’ has gone.

DeepaBeesKit · 13/11/2021 21:35

A child in mines reception class has heard from older siblings that santa isnt real and has sown seeds of doubt in classmates minds.

Parents arent happy as these kids are only 4. It's not your childs fault but it's a shame the other 9 year olds have spoiled it for younger siblings. My niece "knows" but considers it a serious responsibility to keep the secret from younger children!

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:40


A child in mines reception class has heard from older siblings that santa isnt real and has sown seeds of doubt in classmates minds.

Parents arent happy as these kids are only 4. It's not your childs fault but it's a shame the other 9 year olds have spoiled it for younger siblings. My niece "knows" but considers it a serious responsibility to keep the secret from younger children!

So does mine, they would never tell a younger child... they just joined in as part of a wider discussion with their peers and were (apparently) quite noncommittal.

Thanks all, I'll probably go with the @NuffSaidSam brief apology and then move on.
OP posts:
HotPenguin · 13/11/2021 21:41

How is it your 9yo fault that her 9yo told their siblings? I have a 9yo and I'd better there isn't a single kid in their class who doesn't doubt that Santa is real. Some have been saying they don't believe since y1.

DeepaBeesKit · 13/11/2021 21:42

I'd really reinforce the point too to your child that it's best to walk away from conversations about santa at school, to avoid further upsets!

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/11/2021 21:45

The sooner a child learns the truth, the better in my opinion. There’s nothing “magic” about being lied to.

Wombatstew · 13/11/2021 21:46

Another child told my DS this week. I have to say I was bit disappointed. Since DS asked me outright and had apparently been arguing the case for Santa I told him the truth.
I also gave him strict instructions not to tell anyone else just in case (his best friend still believes) and if the subject came up again it was better just to not join in the discussion. I trust him on this.
Coincidentally he also lost a tooth the same night, same child told him tooth fairy not real!

TolkiensFallow · 13/11/2021 21:48

I don’t think it’s your fault their kid told the younger siblings.

I would assume at 9 most of them know. I think your kid was also reasonable to assume their mates knew.

This parent sounds a bit OTT to be texting you. I would understand if it was reception class but it isn’t.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 21:49

Oh FFS, it's about time her kid learned the truth, if they still believe in it all in a year when they are 10 they will be a target for bullies.....

BonnesVacances · 13/11/2021 21:51

Dear parent. I'm sorry your DS told his younger siblings. Santas.

Itsnotdeep · 13/11/2021 21:52

My child has also found out recently - she's 9. I would expect them to start talking and questioning at this age.

it's not your fault they told their siblings. But still I'd say sorry.

CanofCant · 13/11/2021 21:53

If there is one phrase that I have had my fill of it's 'the magic of Christmas'. So vomit inducing and twee.

LolaSmiles · 13/11/2021 21:53

It's not your child's fault that their child told their siblings.

Sometimes I think santa is more about the parents than the children. Some parents seem to want to keep their children young and use the 'magic of Christmas' to do it, hence the ridiculous responses to their children finding out or going to great lengths to squash any doubt.

Dee1975 · 13/11/2021 21:54

I think the other parent is being unreasonable. Children will hear it from others. My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!). I will tell her the truth if she asks be again after Christmas.
However, I don’t blame this other child. She too is a child.
It’s not your fault. It’s not your child’s fault. Other mother is being ridiculous in blaming your child. Id it wasn’t your child it would have been another.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/11/2021 21:55

Well I hope they've spoken to their 9 year old about keeping their mouth shut too. They are the one that blabber to the younger children. That's worse! 9 is a fine age to find out about santa fgs. How long do people want to keep their children babies?

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 13/11/2021 21:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mamacarrot · 13/11/2021 21:59

This made me laugh . Its not that deep . At 9 he should have known, your kid did them a favour

WomanStanleyWoman · 13/11/2021 22:06

As much as I’d be tempted to say ‘Well it’s your little angel who decided he’d ruin it for his brothers and sisters, so if you want to blame anyone, blame him’, it probably wouldn’t do much to keep the peace Grin I think go with something simple and noncommittal, such as ‘I’m sorry to hear your child was upset, but children do tend to talk about these things. I’ll ask him not to do so again’.

Realistically this was probably the last year the child would believe anyway. I remember a colleague telling me a couple of years ago that she’d had to comfort her ‘sobbing’ 11 year-old when she found out. I was frankly amazed that a child that age would be devastated.

Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 22:06


If there is one phrase that I have had my fill of it's 'the magic of Christmas'. So vomit inducing and twee.

Can’t agree with this enough! It’s so silly and ‘magic of Christmas’ seems to mean believing in Santa and paying for magical grottos, magical winter woodland experiences, magical train breakfasts with Santa, magical Christmas Eve boxes, magical elf on the shelf, magical experiences of this and that and the next.

Nobody seems to think walking home from school with your Christingle orange or eating chocolate coins while reading or getting home after a winter walk and stripping off to change into pj’s in front of the radiator are ‘magical’ but they’re all my loveliest memories of my kids at Christmas time. The ridiculous pressure for everything so be super duper instagrammable magic is actually really bad in my opinion.

Anyway she’s nine not four. I imagine she already knew Santa isn’t real.
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