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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Crazycrazylady · 13/11/2021 22:07

Have to say I'd be gutted if my younger kids found out before 9/10 ish so I can understand her disappointment. I'd probably have asked you to ask him not to discuss it further at school but that would be it ..

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Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 22:10

@Dee1975

I think the other parent is being unreasonable. Children will hear it from others. My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!). I will tell her the truth if she asks be again after Christmas.
However, I don’t blame this other child. She too is a child.
It’s not your fault. It’s not your child’s fault. Other mother is being ridiculous in blaming your child. Id it wasn’t your child it would have been another.

Why are you ‘so desperate’ for her still to believe another year? Will Christmas be so awful if she doesn’t believe in Santa?

And by telling her if she ‘doesn’t believe he won’t come’ you’ve only ensured that she’ll pretend to believe to ensure she still gets gifts. So not sure about any of that really.
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CallMeMabel · 13/11/2021 22:13

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

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Puffalicious · 13/11/2021 22:13

See all this ' At 9 he should know',
'It's ridiculous at that age', it really pisses me off. Each to their own. My DC3 is 9 and, whilst he is in mainstream school and bright, he has ASD and is emotionally a little younger so is still fully caught up in the magic of Santa. His teen brothers love to keep the magic going for him too.

Whilst I'd be disappointed, I wouldn't be angry at another DC unless it had been done maliciously. What does make me angry is MNetters judging me for my family choices.

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MotherOfCrocodiles · 13/11/2021 22:13

It's their fault. They should have told the 9 yo so that they could also have a conversation with him about not spoiling it for little ones. By leaving him to find out from friends they were leaving it to chance whether he would tell siblings.

My DH is from another country. Apparently there it is normal that at a certain age (7?) the teacher actually tells the class "Santa isn't real, you probably know this already, now you are all responsible for helping keep the secret and make the magic for little ones". Kind of shocking but maybe not such a bad idea...?

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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:14

'Sorry to hear your 9 year old let the cat out of the bag since you were hoping they wouldn't tell younger ones, not quite sure what X has to do with it. They're entitled to join in a discussion the whole class was having and don't have to lie to suit their Christian holiday celebrating classmates Merry Christmas'

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LindaLooky · 13/11/2021 22:15

I think it is a bit of a shame for the kids that still believed. I dont think I'd be texting a parent if their kid spilled the beans though, It is bound to happen when kids talk. I'd just say something about believing being a choice.

But I'd not send a goady text to the upset parents.

Let's hope your kid doesnt tell them about the birds and bees next Grin

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Toohardtofindaproperusername · 13/11/2021 22:17

please dont tell your child not to sepak about santa not being real. it sends a very probelmatic and confusing message. Children can do what they want with 'truth'. Santa doesnt exist - you cna help him to understand that some little kids like to believe so it can be kind to not tell them. But please don't make him feel bad for speaking 'truth'. it's a powerful and courageous and importnat.

How people manage stuff being revealed is up to them. Xmas is still magical when you know santa doesnt exist. Dont take the hit - ignore the message or at the very least do not apologise for your son.

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imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 13/11/2021 22:17

At age 9? I'd say your child has done them a favour by spilling the beans and letting the other 9 year old know in their own harmless childish way. Believing in Father Christmas any older than that is awkward.

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/11/2021 22:17

I always feel a bit sad that kids think that Santa will reward them with more / put them higher on the nice list based on their behaviour during the year because if they have wealthier friends or friends whose parents just spend more at Christmas, it makes gifting transactional thing that could make them feel they weren't as good as / weren't good enough in comparison to other kids. I guess that's up to parents as to how they position it to their kids but they can still be influenced by the whole 'naughty or nice' list / being good because santa will know etc. If you have poor parents it doesn't matter how good you are, you won't get as many presents.

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Toohardtofindaproperusername · 13/11/2021 22:18

@CallMeMabel

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

Grin
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Queenoftheashes · 13/11/2021 22:19

I told my nephew Santa didn’t exist and he informed me that I was mistaken, that he had seen proof (footsteps in the fireplace, half eaten mince pies etc) and told everyone what a moron I was for not believing. Tell these parents they’ve not made their kid convincing enough.

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Puffalicious · 13/11/2021 22:19

For PP - I don't do the 'magic of Santa' for Instagram FFS, I do it for my child.

Usernameunavailable I'm atheist. Santa has nothing to do with religion. But that won't suit your agenda you're trying to push. It's a time for light and joy.

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Queenoftheashes · 13/11/2021 22:19

LIE not kid

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Volhhg · 13/11/2021 22:21

@CallMeMabel

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

🤣🤣
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youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/11/2021 22:22

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you.

This is amazing Grin

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Volhhg · 13/11/2021 22:24

Some good points here about telling a child what to do with truth, and the Santa behaviour reward with gifts.

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Grapewrath · 13/11/2021 22:25

I’d explain that it’s her child who made the younger siblings aware, not yours. At 9 most kids know Santa inset real surely?

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Grapewrath · 13/11/2021 22:25

*isn’t

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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:26

@Puffalicious

For PP - I don't do the 'magic of Santa' for Instagram FFS, I do it for my child.

Usernameunavailable I'm atheist. Santa has nothing to do with religion. But that won't suit your agenda you're trying to push. It's a time for light and joy.

What agenda am I pushing?
That children shouldn't have to lie? Especially since there are children of all faiths (mine included) who have a Christain holiday pushed on them, or taken aside in class and told not to mention Santa and be quiet when it comes up?
Christmas is a Christian holiday, and it is celebrating a Christian holiday regardless of whether or not you're christain or put a secular spin on it. Christmas and Santa aren't things you have to do or pretend you do.
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NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/11/2021 22:28

@UsernameUnavailable1

'Sorry to hear your 9 year old let the cat out of the bag since you were hoping they wouldn't tell younger ones, not quite sure what X has to do with it. They're entitled to join in a discussion the whole class was having and don't have to lie to suit their Christian holiday celebrating classmates Merry Christmas'

The biggest offender on the Santa is Fake and the Tooth Fairy is Your Mum subject at DD1's infant school was the child of Evangelicals. It was their duty to make sure children didn't fall to the lure of magic and thereby the machinations of Satan, apparently.


SD has never believed because she was scared of the idea of a stranger in the house. DP and his ex sat down with her and explained it's a fairy story to make children happy and go to bed earlier whilst their parents wrapped their presents, so if she told anyone at school, they might get up in the night and spoil the surprise - or it could mean their parents were really tired in the morning from having to wait until they'd gone to sleep before wrapping them. This made sense to her and she decided that she would therefore keep this secret to protect 'the little ones'. She was five at the time.



I made the mistake of saying I knew he wasn't real when I was eight. I was told that as I knew the truth, I couldn't have tooth fairy money, as many presents or bedtime stories anymore. Thing is, I'd always known it wasn't the truth as my older brother had told me when I was little and because I hadn't wanted to believe him, I had stayed awake to see Father Christmas and heard the presents being wrapped before a pillowcase was dumped on the end of my bed. I just really wanted to believe that there was magic and kindness in the world, despite my reality being very different.
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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:28

Actually I think I'd respond 'Please don't retaliate by telling them the hanukkah armadillo isn't real!'

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TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 13/11/2021 22:28

Best you keep schtum about the Tooth Fairy...

... and the flatness of the Earth.

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:28

Kids talk and Santa isn't real. They must have been working damn hard to keep this going when the child is 9.

I sometimes wonder for whose benefit this "magic of Christmas" stuff is for when people go to such extremes over it. Not very Christmas spirit when it makes you turn into a bit of a nasty loon.

As a stock response, I like the one about Santa being real, but not as a man in a red and white suit; he's the spirit of Christmas, kindness and generosity.

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:29

@UsernameUnavailable1

Actually I think I'd respond 'Please don't retaliate by telling them the hanukkah armadillo isn't real!'

Wait....what???

😭
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