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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

muldersspeedos · 13/11/2021 22:30

@UsernameUnavailable1 is Christmas really pushed upon them? If people don't celebrate can't they sit out festive activities at school?

I still believe Star

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user1487194234 · 13/11/2021 22:30

Still believing in Santa at 9
Right

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Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 22:31

It's normal to question it and to seek answers. The first thing my 6 year old nephew did when he got access the a lap top was to google if Santa existed Grin. If they are questioning things they will find a way to discover the truth. And if not they will still find out soon enough (and hopefully before it becomes embarrassing).

Also, any parent who believes that their 10+ year old believes in Santa is more gullible than their child.....they often know but don't want to ruin it for the parents!

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shampooing · 13/11/2021 22:35

@LolaSmiles

It's not your child's fault that their child told their siblings.

Sometimes I think santa is more about the parents than the children. Some parents seem to want to keep their children young and use the 'magic of Christmas' to do it, hence the ridiculous responses to their children finding out or going to great lengths to squash any doubt.

Absolutely about the parents, ad the very next post after yours illustrates:
My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!).

It's so ridiculous, SIL does this and DM aged almost 12 (!) and at high school was in tears last Christmas when a friend was chatting to her and assumed she knew but was keeping up the pretence for the younger siblings. DN definitely hadn't known.

I think 6 - 8 is probably a usual time for children to figure it out. Other children in the family were always told that Santa was just a symbol of Christmas but managed not to tell the others.
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shampooing · 13/11/2021 22:36

Sorry I meant DNiece, not DM, my mother does not believe in Santa!

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BananaPB · 13/11/2021 22:37

I wouldn't reply tbh. The fact that this 9 year old doesn't know shoes that the whole Santa drama is for the parents really. It's not your son's fault that he told his sibling.

My kids knew before their friends and they learned to say nothing when the subject came up. They would be gutted if they upset someone else over the topic too.

If you really want to send a text then say that you're sorry that X is upset which is true but no need to apologize for him telling his sibling. He told his sibling for the same reason that your son told his friend.

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Justjoinedforthis · 13/11/2021 22:37

What kids love about Santa is the presents! Of he was just a weird guy who came by your house to spread Christmas cheer kids wouldn’t give a shit. They are all about the presents, any why shouldn’t they be. My parents never did Santa, and the magic of Christmas for me was feeling superior to my gullible classmates - pffft you believe everything your parents tell you?
I don’t do Santa with mine and they still love Christmas….because of the presents. Seems a weird creepy lie and also agree that the ‘good behaviour = presents’ schtick is awful.

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:40

I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!).

Well yes, because you've made it clear you'll punish her if she doesn't.

What kind of "magic" is this? Who benefits and at whose cost?

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ParkheadParadise · 13/11/2021 22:40

I still believed in Santa in my 20's 😜😜
My mum had a Christmas stocking for dd and l at her house.
In my 30's I still put it at my mum's fireplace every year.
To be fair my mum always filled it with gifts from Santa 🎅🎅🎅

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Fastforwardtospring · 13/11/2021 22:40

DC age 9 will be talking about Santa, some will believe, some won’t, and some will wonder, like my DC, I used to say if Santa isn’t real how do the presents get there? Carried this on until they got to secondary school before I admitted he wasn’t real!. Don’t worry about it, she’s batshit, it’s down to the parents how long they want to keep the game up.

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Hankunamatata · 13/11/2021 22:41

Some parents are so bloody precious. You cant control other childs behaviours they need to deal with their own child. Kids say crap like this all the time about santa.

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FissionMailed · 13/11/2021 22:43

"this is how kids often find out they're being lied to by their parents. Your kid should have told his younger siblings though. Good luck. Please do feel free to go fuck yourselves with a naughty elf."

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Cattitudes · 13/11/2021 22:43

Text back - What do you mean Santa isn't real?

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:43

How do people explain the fact that he doesn't (generally) come to the houses of Jewish, Muslim and Hindu children?

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purpleme12 · 13/11/2021 23:00

@DrSbaitso

How do people explain the fact that he doesn't (generally) come to the houses of Jewish, Muslim and Hindu children?

This is a good question 🤣
I'm sure my child has told me her friends who are Muslim don't have Santa and I don't remember her questioning it
It was a long time ago now this
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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 23:05

[quote muldersspeedos]@UsernameUnavailable1 is Christmas really pushed upon them? If people don't celebrate can't they sit out festive activities at school?

I still believe Star[/quote]
Because everything everywhere is all about Christmas this time of year?
Yes I suppose at school sitting out from the rest of the class and not doing the nativity is totally fine and means Christmas isn't being pushed on them because they're just excluded from what they class is doing Confused told to keep quiet, like their beliefs are wrong. Almost like being punished for having a family that doesn't do Christmas... Non-issue Hmm

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WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/11/2021 23:08

How is it your 9yo fault that her 9yo told their siblings? I have a 9yo and I'd better there isn't a single kid in their class who doesn't doubt that Santa is real. Some have been saying they don't believe since y1.

Quite. The kids learn about different religions in school and know that people have different faiths and none. At the end of the year, Santa seems to be the biggest religion of all - the only difference being that most parents who share their faith with their children do actually believe it to be true themselves.

Imagine a Hindu parent of a classmate angrily calling the parent of a Muslim child who told the former that "there is only one God - not loads" - for spoiling the 'magic' (to put it very mildly) of their family faith. I can't see that ever happening - but Santa is somehow the one belief/faith/religion that nobody is ever allowed to say they don't believe in/follow, for fear of upsetting believers whose parents seem incapable or unwilling to teach them basic diversity and tolerance of different (often incompatible) beliefs, with the conviction of backing up their own.

I know that people will read this and tell me how stupid it is to conflate belief in Santa with belief in many other things; I would humbly suggest that those people have completely failed to grasp the principle and the parallels - 'because magic of Christmas innit'.

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BusySittingDown · 13/11/2021 23:19

Fgs! Seriously?

DD2 told me last year that she'd known from aged 7 that Santa wasn't real as X (one of her best friends) had told her he wasn't. She's now 10.

Was I mad at X? Of course not! They're children. X is very very mature and has a very old head on her shoulders so I should have expected it really. Her mum is the kind of mum that would have said "no X, he isn't real but don't spoil it for the others, " For sure but kids get over excited when they talk.

I remember a lad in the year above me at primary telling me Santa wasn't real and when I asked my mum she said, "well, if you don't believe, you don't receive!" And that was that, I decided that I would still believe, if only for a short while.

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Hesma · 13/11/2021 23:23

This will be the first year my 11 year old hasn’t believed and my 9 year old definitely still does so yes, I’d be upset if I were that parent.

I’d message them back saying you’d asked your child to keep the secret and they’re sorry for any upset caused. You can’t change it but from my perspective I’d appreciate it.

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BusySittingDown · 13/11/2021 23:23

My nephew still believed until he was 11. My sister thought he was joking and was still going along with it until one day she said something about putting stockings out on Christmas Eve. He was all " w w what do you mean, you fill the stockings? Waaah!" Bless him!

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justasking111 · 13/11/2021 23:25

When DS came home saying he had been told Santa was an urban myth age 6. I said do you think daddy (a real tight wad) would spend that much money he said no he wouldn't. So was a believer for a few more years. The oldest two never questioned it just in case there were no presents. They did turn the house upside down. Found nothing, thanks to my neighbor who stored it all 😁😁

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artquejtion · 13/11/2021 23:28

So she would expect a Muslim child to pretend to her child that Santa exists Shock, not every child on the planet is brought up to believe that santa is real.

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autummvibes · 13/11/2021 23:30

So your 9 year old should have known better than to talk to another 9 year old about it, but hers didn't need to know not to tell younger children? Is she really saying this? Double standards. I'd ignore.

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PRsecrets · 13/11/2021 23:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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LizzieW1969 · 13/11/2021 23:37

DD2 was 7 when her best friend at school informed her that Santa wasn’t real. (This was two years ago.) She asked me directly whether that was the case; she’s never been one to be fobbed off so I admitted that it was Mummy and Daddy who filled her stocking on Christmas Eve. She then marched into DD1’s bedroom (she was then 10) and informed her that Santa wasn’t real. DD1 was disappointed, as she still believed, but she made up for it by asking us to film ourselves filling her stocking.

Was I annoyed with DD2’s best friend’s mum, who is also a friend of mine? Of course not; it happened at school, she can’t control what kids discuss in the playground!

Besides, we had a lot of fun filming ourselves filling their stockings! Grin

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