Playdate étiquette - are dads automatically invited too?

[immersivereader]

I often organise a playdate at the park for the kids at the weekend. This is always with another mum from school.

A lot of the time, the dad comes along too. Even if it's with different families. I find it really odd? I would never expect DH to come with me to the park on a playdate with another woman.

What do you think? Is that the norm these days?

Of course the Dad and come or do the play date. This is 2021!

If you want to catch up or get to know the mums' better maybe phrase your invite differently, not as no Dad's or anything, more as "X would you like to have a coffee on Saturday, we could go to Y cafe for takeaway and then take the kids to a park so they can have a play". Not the best wording, but the point is if you phrase it about the DC then yes sometimes the whole family might come, or you might get the Dad instead. Playdates are about the DC, so if you want to talk to the mum, make it about the mum, with the DC as a secondary point.

Playdates are about children getting together to play, adults are just there to facilitate.

I would send my other half next time and find something else to do or meet them when they finished. There's far too many adults in playgrounds these days kids are over monitored bit that's another issue

What on earth is a ‘male play date’, @OnlyFoolsnMothers?

A play date when the children involved are all male? A play date where the sex of the children is irrelevant, but only fathers accompany them?

DS’s friendship groups is only boys, but that doesn’t have any effect on which parent or parents bring them to the park.

In my group often it’s the dads rather than the mums who come to the play dates. One mum is setting up her own business and barely gets any uninterrupted time to work, the other is at home with baby.

Yeah I guess but then what is the point of the second parent coming if they're not getting involved with the kids play.
My partner and I barely see each other in the week between work/bedtime/toddler wrangling/being knackered. We both like the park and the cafe and DD and a walk, why not enjoy each other’s company while DD hurtles off a slide head first?

I do a lot of socialising with kids and mums and at weekends I would totally think it normal for dad to be there/ pop in/ take part - any mum Im good enough friends with to meet at a weekend I would be happy to meet the partner.

It's a park date with kids not a 'ladies night out' - relax!

I bet all of those saying it’s weird for a dad to go to a play date are the first to moan that their husband does nothing to help out

Why are there so many posts saying it's sexist or why aren't dads allowed to take their children out or I work so it would need to be their dad. That isn't the point the OP is making! The point is that she has organised a play for the kids with another mum and the dad comes along AS WELL.

A play date is for the children to get together.
It doesn’t matter whether they are chaperoned by their mum or dad, or both, or a grandparent, etc.
I think you are being really sexist.

I think it's pretty sad actually to think one parent isn't welcome - particularly with the focus on the dad not being welcome. Surely if you have kids who get on the point is you are building a friendship with another family - I get on with dads/ mums of the children I know - if I bump into a dad at the playground I'm just as happy to chat to them.

@Comedycook

I don't get this obsession with "family time". Doesn't mean we're all joined at the hip all weekend. Honestly if I said to dh, I'm meeting Jane in the park with the kids, do you want to come? He'd be totally and wouldn't come along

But shockingly all families are different. We probably wouldn't both go to the park in this situation (mainly because one of us would stay home and tidy up/ put washing away) but that doesn't mean that everyone else should do the same.

@RebeccaCloud9

Why are there so many posts saying it's sexist or why aren't dads allowed to take their children out or I work so it would need to be their dad. That isn't the point the OP is making! The point is that she has organised a play for the kids with another mum and the dad comes along AS WELL.

So, if you invite a child to a play date and relay that invitation via the mum, then the mum HAS to attend with the child?

That’s what’s sexist. The expectation that the mum will bring the child to the play date just because she’s the one who received the invitation for the child.

@hotmeatymilk

Yeah I guess but then what is the point of the second parent coming if they're not getting involved with the kids play. My partner and I barely see each other in the week between work/bedtime/toddler wrangling/being knackered. We both like the park and the cafe and DD and a walk, why not enjoy each other’s company while DD hurtles off a slide head first?

That's really sweet!! However most parents I know both the men and women are sick to death of the playground and would prefer to be somewhere else. I never knew before I had kids how over the park I would be so quickly. Especially a wet British cold playground

During a weekend we tend to:

I will arrange a play date with another mum and take the kids. DH stays home and gets on with stuff.
or
DH takes the kids out and I stay home and get on with stuff (or see friends sans children)
or
We arrange to go out together as a family
or
We arrange to go for a day out with another family(ies) with all of us going, mums, dads and kids.

I wouldn't ask DH to come to a playdate I had arranged with another mum.

@RebeccaCloud9

Why are there so many posts saying it's sexist or why aren't dads allowed to take their children out or I work so it would need to be their dad. That isn't the point the OP is making! The point is that she has organised a play for the kids with another mum and the dad comes along AS WELL.

But I don't have the telephone number of most of my kids dad's. So I can't organise playdates directly with dad. I imagine most mum's are there same. I wouldn't think it odd though if I arrange a playdate and dad came.

@PlanDeRaccordement but the OP didn't ask why do dads go INSTEAD. She asked why do dads go AS WELL. Which was my point.

I think it's fair game to send your other half if you mention it first. Yes it's all very sexist on the whole. And it's sexist that the woman has received the invitation in the first place, usually because shes dropped her hours and man still works full time.

A mum at my DDs school used to schedule play dates but then on the day it was always the DH only that would come which I found a bit odd.

But then I guess she didn’t schedule a play date for her but for her child and she was a SAHP so did the school run so I think it was a way for her DH to feel involved/make parent friends.

On a side note, I enjoy spending time with other mums and a lot of my closest friends' children are my children's good friends. So a play date for them is often a chance for us to meet up and chat. I would be a bit disappointed if my friends sent their husband instead. This isn't being sexist, I just would prefer to see them than their husbands!

[quote RebeccaCloud9]@PlanDeRaccordement but the OP didn't ask why do dads go INSTEAD. She asked why do dads go AS WELL. Which was my point.[/quote]
It’s still sexist to think it odd if a dad is showing up. Why wouldn’t mum and dad both go? Especially if that is their only child.

Op. Given that you saybthis always happens. How are you phrasing the playdate suggestion?

A mum at my DDs school used to schedule play dates but then on the day it was always the DH only that would come which I found a bit odd.

I would find that very odd if it was a playdate in my house. Less odd at the playground, I guess. I'd be a bit put out to be expected to entertain someone I'd never met before.

I don't think the op thought it was because he was the dad more that it's a second parent coming and not who she arranged with