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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a Christmas gift one...

107 replies

NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:38

AIBU to have told DP I don't want his old iPad as a christmas present?

He has been saying for a couple of months he wants a new one. His current one is about 4 years old I think but is starting to be a bit slow and glitchy. He had said that it would probably end up my way but not as a gift.

Last night he let slip he was going to buy a new one and his old one would be my gift.

I must have sounded a bit WTF? as he asked if it was an awful gift idea and I said it kind of was.

I feel a bit bad for making him feel bad iyswim but I felt quite insulted - like it wasn't good enough for him but I can have his castoffs?

For context: he earns a lot more than me and has zero money worries. I haven't ever mentioned wanting an iPad. He put a £30 limit on christmas gifts at the start of our relationship so knows I don't expect extravagent gifts.

WIBU?

OP posts:
tuttifritti · 13/11/2021 17:39

YANBU!

Starcaller · 13/11/2021 17:39

That's a gift to himself, not you! YANBU

MasterBeth · 13/11/2021 17:41

Worse than awful. Contemptible.

Ponoka7 · 13/11/2021 17:41

No and he's told you that he wouldn't even give you his cast offs, you are only being given them in place of a gift. It's a massive insult.

spotcheck · 13/11/2021 17:42

Jesus

Tell him not to bother

Viviennemary · 13/11/2021 17:42

I think this should be in the Christmas topic.

MangoBiscuit · 13/11/2021 17:43

That's a double gift for him! A new ipad, plus he doesn't have to do anything about selling or disposing of the old one.

Opal8 · 13/11/2021 17:43

God, I hate misers

Does he make all the rules in your relationship?

coodawoodashooda · 13/11/2021 17:45

Mean as fk. My xh used to do this.

Doomscrolling · 13/11/2021 17:45

He’s an asshole. Homer Simpson and his bowling ball had nothing on this peach.

“I’m spending hundreds of pounds in me; have my cast offs.”

AutumnLeaves21 · 13/11/2021 17:47

Absolute he is unreasonable, thoughtless and stingy.

Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:49

@Opal8

God, I hate misers

Does he make all the rules in your relationship?

He doesn't make any of the rules in the relationship. I'm very independent financially despite a big difference in our income and circumstances
OP posts:
Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:51

@Doomscrolling

He’s an asshole. Homer Simpson and his bowling ball had nothing on this peach.

“I’m spending hundreds of pounds in me; have my cast offs.”

I wonder if I should find that episode and put it on next time he is here...
OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 13/11/2021 17:51

So you're not even worth £30 this year @NinJellyWarrior. That tells you everything you need to know about his feelings for you. It's not even the money, it's the lack of thought and respect.

Buy yourself something nice and dump the not-DP.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 13/11/2021 17:51

The fact that the iPad is probably coming to the end of its useful life adds to the rudeness, IMO.

Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:53

My default position in life is don't cause a fuss but I am learning to stick up for myself more and more. I just get that niggly little doubt but I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this was tight

OP posts:
Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:56

@Disfordarkchocolate

So you're not even worth £30 this year *@NinJellyWarrior*. That tells you everything you need to know about his feelings for you. It's not even the money, it's the lack of thought and respect.

Buy yourself something nice and dump the not-DP.

I'm trying very hard not to feel this way. I don't expect diamonds but a bit of thought would be nice which is why I've gone along with his £30 limit. When he suggested it I was ok with it because I was worried about the differences in what we earned so it took the pressure off of me to 'match' him.
OP posts:
Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 17:56

@UnsolicitedDickPic

The fact that the iPad is probably coming to the end of its useful life adds to the rudeness, IMO.
That's how I see it too.
OP posts:
Rainbowunicorn76 · 13/11/2021 17:56

Tight and insulting yes op YANBU!
I'd be making it clear that if he pulls this sort of stunt it'll be the last set of gifts you exchange.
Also, whatever you get him keep the receipt and go second in the exchange of gifts..... just in case you get it anyway.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/11/2021 18:00

I'd set the gift limit to £0, from this Christmas onwards.

Notaroadrunner · 13/11/2021 18:03

@Justmuddlingalong

I'd set the gift limit to £0, from this Christmas onwards.
Good idea. Set it and your relationship to zero with him and then find someone else who will have more respect for you than to expect you to be happy with their cast offs.
Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 18:11

I do feel a bit sad over this which does seem silly because It's not even happened so I shouldn't really hold it against him.

We are meant to me moving in together next, I thought we were very solid but this has thrown me a little.

OP posts:
Original poster
NinJellyWarrior · 13/11/2021 18:21

It was my birthday recently and I have to admit I felt hurt over the gift situation then too. I thought I was just being ungrateful but it is making me think now.

I was between jobs because my start date got pushed by the new place and I'd given notice and couldn't change that. A kitchen appliance broke and he offered to replace it for me because money was tight. (second hand option £70 I am very happy with that honestly - just pointing out it wasn't hundreds)
A few days later he announced it was my birthday gift. I was grateful to have it, it was more than our gift limit but it was a special birthday. But actually, it made no difference to him financially and if it was the other way around I would have just bought it for him because I love him and would want to help him out.

I feel like now I have acknowledged this side of him I can't unsee it.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 13/11/2021 18:27

Anything of yours need updating that you can get yourself and give him the cast off?

Jjjayfee · 13/11/2021 18:32

Don't dump him if this is the only issue. Just tell him what matters to you. I would say I would love the phone but for my gift I would like ... And give him the name of specific thing you want or a short list. Don't be vague. And do it..because you are worth it! Give him a chance and see whether he can be the man you want

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