It's a Christmas gift one...

[NinJellyWarrior]

AIBU to have told DP I don't want his old iPad as a christmas present?

He has been saying for a couple of months he wants a new one. His current one is about 4 years old I think but is starting to be a bit slow and glitchy. He had said that it would probably end up my way but not as a gift.

Last night he let slip he was going to buy a new one and his old one would be my gift.

I must have sounded a bit WTF? as he asked if it was an awful gift idea and I said it kind of was.

I feel a bit bad for making him feel bad iyswim but I felt quite insulted - like it wasn't good enough for him but I can have his castoffs?

For context: he earns a lot more than me and has zero money worries. I haven't ever mentioned wanting an iPad. He put a £30 limit on christmas gifts at the start of our relationship so knows I don't expect extravagent gifts.

WIBU?

@Hoesbeforebroes

Re: the 2nd hand kitchen appliance for your 40th birthday....

I'm going to take a wild guess that he spends the majority of your 'couple time' at your house and you do the (vast) majority of the cooking. So the appliance was for his benefit too.

Would that be accurate?

Yes, sadly that is accurate.

I think there are definitely some red flags here.

If I were you, I'd hold off moving in together until you are more certain about what kind of person he is. Tread carefully!

Does he contribute to food, heating etc? How often does he stay at yours?

Despite how mean that is, a 4 year old iPad is practically obsolete and will be useless quite soon.

The thing is OP, how dare he give you a second-hand kitchen appliance for your 40th! How could you even bring yourself to look at him after that? How dare he!

I just can’t understand this dynamic at all or how he could think it’s in any way acceptable. What DOES he do to make you feel special and loved? This is so very sad to read.

“For context: he earns a lot more than me and has zero money worries. I haven't ever mentioned wanting an iPad. He put a £30 limit on christmas gifts at the start of our relationship... “

Wtf!!!

“so knows I don't expect extravagent gifts”

I’m so sorry OP. He has gaslighted you into doubting your own perfectly normal expectations.

It's the thought that counts but sadly in this case the only thought is to offload something he doesn't want onto you to have himself time and money.