To tell dd to save her "lunch" money

[grecianurn82]

My 15 year old gets 20 euro a week for money for lunch. She buys a roll and a drink every day which costs 4 euro a day. Then at weekends she's usually looking for another 10 to go out with her friends. Aibu to tell her she needs to save her money during the week and bring lunch from home a couple of days?? Her dad (we're separated) is trying to tell me I'm being unfair and apparently the maintenance he gives me is for this. I think 30 a week is a ridiculous amount to be giving a teenager..Aibu??

I have teenagers and find the cost of school food is very high, so encourage a mixture of taking stuff from home and getting things now and then at school.

I think the suggestion to give her money at the start of the weekend is ideal. Its for fun, if she has any left on Monday and wants to save herself the bother of making a packed lunch,thats a bonus!

@CallMeNutribullet who said anything about making her starve? Slightly OTT reponse there.

@Summerfun54321
I thought this was a discussion board?

Could her dad be putting her up to this given his comment re maintenance? Has she asked him for cash which he doesn't want to hand over and this is his way of not feeling guilty?

I would be clear that the E20 is her pocket money, that there is food for lunch if she wants it but that it up to her. Of course you don't need to be stumping up extra just on her dads say so. I don't suppose he covers her actual expenses anyway...

Honestly, some of the responses on here suggesting that she’ll starve if she saves the €20 … FFS! The OP has very clearly stated that there is food at home which can be taken as a packed lunch - the 15yo is CHOOSING to buy food, she’s not being starved.

I agree with PP - give her the €20 on Saturday. She then has two choices:

1. Spend the money on whatever she wants, take a packed lunch made with food you provide at home for school every day, and be well-fed … ie NOT STARVED!
2. Ignore the fact that there is food available to provide her with lunch every day, available from home, to take to school. Spend €4 per day on food from the garage.

I might be missing something, but if your ex pays maintenance, surely it’s a lump sum and doesn’t include a specific ‘€20 for buying food for lunch away from home’ … as opposed to you using the money you receive to (amongst other things) buy the food that can provide a packed lunch?

@HoseMeDownWithHolyWater

I can't imagine begrudging my child €10 a week because they also need money for food.

This isn't what is going on though...

The DD is choosing to spend her allowance on a €4 lunch option over a free one from home.

This is ridiculous if she chooses not to make her lunch don’t give her extra!!!!!
I specifically made my lunches for this reason when I was a teenager!!!

If I had 4£ to spend on lunch every day I’d be eating like a king!!!

Some of the responses here are laughable. @grecianurn82 MN really can be batshit, you could have started this thread tomorrow or yesterday and have received completely different response. Believe me I’ve seen posters insist that £2/£5 per week is generous!

€20 per week allowance for a 15 year old is perfectly reasonable and not at all tight. In fact at 15 I would be moving to give her allowance on a monthly basis and encourage her to manage it, having first discussed and agreed what it’s intended to cover. Her thinking of it as “lunch money” which is the way you described it in your OP might be part of the problem. If she thinks of a monthly allowance and what she can do with that she might get more savvy about her spending habits.

Thanks so much for all the reponses (maybe not the starving my daughter one 😂) Some good ideas about involving her in choosing how to spend the money and learning a bit about budgeting.

Either give her lunch money and pocket money separately or give her an allowance and combine the two.

To be fair your OP made it out as her spending money was lunch money so her choice was eat or save. Which is wrong.

Maintenance is for the non resident parents share of the child’s living costs, food and clothing not pocket money. If the NRP thinks she needs more pocket money he needs to put his hand in his own pocket and give it to her.

As an aside you must pay for her lunch regardless. However if she is choosing to forgo a packed lunch and spend her money in food that’s a different scenario.

£20 is enough at 15 I think. She needs to stop spending it all at school.

Why don’t you prepare a packed lunch for her the night before (or give her some ideas and demonstrate this) and then give her separate pocket money? £20 a week is quite generous as pocket money.

Why shouldn't the dd make her own lunch?

@PinkMochi

Why don’t you prepare a packed lunch for her the night before (or give her some ideas and demonstrate this) and then give her separate pocket money? £20 a week is quite generous as pocket money.

Because she 15 years old, not 15 months...

I'm amazed at how many people are making packed lunches for their 15yos

She could easily bring a packed lunch and is choosing to spend (waste) her money on food. If she was that bothered about having spending money, she'd take a packed lunch.

I don’t give my kids lunch money as it would cost a fortune-£20 a week each x 3 would soon add up!

If she wants to buy lunch, she can buy it out of her allowance, otherwise she can take a roll and fruit/drink from home.

@PinkMochi

Why don’t you prepare a packed lunch for her the night before (or give her some ideas and demonstrate this) and then give her separate pocket money? £20 a week is quite generous as pocket money.

Do you seriously think that a 15 YO needs to be shown what should go in a packed lunch and a demonstration as to how it might be made?

I think OP already makes pack up for the younger DC.
I am not a cunt so would make pack up for my older DC if I was making it for the younger ones anyway.

@EveningOverRooftops

Maintenance is for the non resident parents share of the child’s living costs, food and clothing not pocket money. If the NRP thinks she needs more pocket money he needs to put his hand in his own pocket and give it to her.

As an aside you must pay for her lunch regardless. However if she is choosing to forgo a packed lunch and spend her money in food that’s a different scenario.

£20 is enough at 15 I think. She needs to stop spending it all at school.

This is what I was trying (albeit probably badly worded) to get at in my comment - I doubt that the NRP is paying the OP a separate €20 for her to pass to DD as pocket money, on top of a maintenance payment which provides for DD. DD has said she is spending €4 a day on lunch, which NRP is giving her from maintenance but cannot add more to.

If that’s the case, I think RP is actually the one providing the €20 per week pocket money isn’t she? She’s providing food for school, DD is choosing not to use it and is instead spending the €20 she’s being given as pocket money to buy her own food.

In which case: take food from home, you have €20 per week to spend on anything you want … and NRP is paying maintenance, but not pocket money - that’s coming directly from the OP.

Why doesnt her dad give her €10 for the weekend as well? Or does he think buying lunch is 50% of her needs? 🙄

You're not giving her €30 as spending money though, most of it goes on food.

Well obviously maintenance isn’t solely for giving pocket money. It’s for all the costs of looking after a cold.

But yes her lunch and pocket money should be separate. Feeding her is pretty fundamental to being a parent. So yabu there

I think this is fine, in fact I'll go further and say I think it's good parenting! You're teaching her to budget and prioritise - as long as you have stuff to make packed lunches with at home so that she has that option. Teenagers need to start thinking about that.