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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell dd to save her "lunch" money

182 replies

grecianurn82 · 13/11/2021 11:56

My 15 year old gets 20 euro a week for money for lunch. She buys a roll and a drink every day which costs 4 euro a day. Then at weekends she's usually looking for another 10 to go out with her friends. Aibu to tell her she needs to save her money during the week and bring lunch from home a couple of days?? Her dad (we're separated) is trying to tell me I'm being unfair and apparently the maintenance he gives me is for this. I think 30 a week is a ridiculous amount to be giving a teenager..Aibu??

OP posts:

BoredZelda · 13/11/2021 13:52

I'm in Ireland where school dinners are not the norm

Ahh, that probably renders my comment about secondary school kids and packed lunches redundant 😆

Summerfun54321 · 13/11/2021 13:55

@boredzelda we share our money and buying lunch every single day is a huge waste of money so no, I wouldn’t be happy about it and neither would he if I did the same. Plenty of adults don’t waste this kind of money, why should a 15 year old be allowed to do this.

timeisnotaline · 13/11/2021 14:00

Telling the op just to give her £30 a week… that’s over 120 a month, who says she has that available?

BoredZelda · 13/11/2021 14:01

we share our money and buying lunch every single day is a huge waste of money so no, I wouldn’t be happy about it and neither would he if I did the same

But he could still choose to do so and as an adult he can make that choice. I can’t imagine being interested in what my husband chooses to do for lunch. You’ve latterly suggested it is about finances, but your initial post was you didn’t want him buying “shit food”

Plenty of adults don’t waste this kind of money, why should a 15 year old be allowed to do this.

Because it is their choice how they spend their pocket money. And plenty of adults do choose to do it, as was evident by the tories trying to “encourage” people back to offices because the town/city centres were struggling because of the lack of lunch trade.

daisy46 · 13/11/2021 14:07

@Cheerbear23

Lunch money is different to general spending money IMO. If you can’t give her more, get her to take a packed lunch and drink a few days and then she can save the money for weekend??

this is exactly what the OP proposed in her original AIBU

GeorgiaMcGraw · 13/11/2021 14:08

I think it's more than fair for a 15 year old to make her own sandwich/packed lunch. Quite shocked at the number of people who don't think so. It's not difficult, doesn't take long, saves money, and it's one of those household chores they can easily do at that age. You could try to make it more "fun" by doing some food prep with her, maybe get her a cute bento box type thing or come up with food ideas with her.

PizzaCrust · 13/11/2021 14:11

I think you're being utterly ridiculous.

She's asking very little of you. yet you're still complaining? She also buys a roll and a bottle of water for lunch- hardly as if she's going wild, is she?

You should be paying for her lunch and giving her separate pocket money for fun. £20 for lunch per week (if it was me I'd give more so she could have something different without worrying about cost during the week), and then at least £20 for the weekend.

£20 nowadays buys you very little. Public transport and lunch out with friends followed by the cinema or buying a t shirt would completely wipe that budget. You're being really harsh on her.

sbhydrogen · 13/11/2021 14:13

YANBU. Without the risk of sounding like "what I was 15...", but when I was 15 I got £10 a week and that was for everything. If I wanted to buy lunch out and about it would come out of that allowance. If she'd rather buy lunch every day and not have much to spend at the weekend then that's her decision. She can get a job/do chores for extra money.

diddl · 13/11/2021 14:13

I'm with you OP.

When there's a kitchen full of food at home, €4 a day seems a lot, even if it's affordable.

ittakes2 · 13/11/2021 14:18

Pocket money is pocket money not lunch money. You in theory don’t need to give her any for lunch - she can bring in lunch and give her the 20 as pocket money.

Mynameismargot · 13/11/2021 14:20

@PizzaCrust

I think you're being utterly ridiculous.

She's asking very little of you. yet you're still complaining? She also buys a roll and a bottle of water for lunch- hardly as if she's going wild, is she?

£20 nowadays buys you very little. Public transport and lunch out with friends followed by the cinema or buying a t shirt would completely wipe that budget. You're being really harsh on her.

I think you are being utterly ridiculous. The OP used € so €190 a month for pocket money and that would be tight to you? What kind of privileged nonsense is that? You can bring water from home, schools have facilities so you can refill your bottle. A roll takes 5mins tops to make or like you suggest she could make something different. Then she could happily have €20 a week to spend at the weekends. If you want more than that then you get a job.

CallMeNutribullet · 13/11/2021 14:23

So 4 euros is what? £3 per day? That's nothing. Is she supposed to starve to have something to spend at the weekend?

SoupDragon · 13/11/2021 14:25

You should be paying for her lunch and giving her separate pocket money for fun.

She is providing food plus pocket money. The DD simply chooses not to take lunch from home.

diddl · 13/11/2021 14:27

@CallMeNutribullet

So 4 euros is what? £3 per day? That's nothing. Is she supposed to starve to have something to spend at the weekend?

WeAllHaveWings · 13/11/2021 14:30

Ds gets a monthly allowance which covers pocket and lunch money. It is up to him how he spends it. If he wants to spend more at snack time, then food and a drink at lunch thats up to him.

Instead he takes a chicken wrap from home and doesn't spend £1.20 daily buying a snack. At lunch he gets a school lunch but drinks water instead of paying another £1 something a day for a drink. Saves him £40+ month and teaches him about money/how £1 here and there might not seems like much but adds up.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 13/11/2021 14:32

Mine gets 50 euros a week and that pays for all school lunches, transport to and from school (which is 20 per month), all the clothes she wants (I buy clothes she needs), all entertainment, weekend fun etc and gifts for friends and family throughout the year. She can buy lunch every day if she wants but she tends to make it about 3 times a week. She is allowed to leave the premises for school lunch so has lots of options.

I found otherwise I was forever giving her money for this that. Now I never have to and she knows she’ll have more if she makes her lunch at home. She does often have the previous nights leftovers in a thermos.

DeepaBeesKit · 13/11/2021 14:47

At 15 she can definitely be expected to make her own packed lunch!

I made mine at that age - my mother left a bag of rolls on the counter, there was ham, cheese, tuna etc in cupboard and fruit in the bowl.

BarbaraofSeville · 13/11/2021 14:48

@CallMeNutribullet

So 4 euros is what? £3 per day? That's nothing. Is she supposed to starve to have something to spend at the weekend?

No, she needs to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and if you choose to buy lunch instead of taking it from home which is probably about a third of the cost then you have to do without other treats.

Jumpingintochristmas · 13/11/2021 14:49

DD is 17 and gets £3 a day for school lunches plus £20 a week pocket money. She also has a weekend job.

She prefers a hot lunch like soup and a sandwich or fish and chips on a Friday. She takes her reusable water bottle every day plus a snack but occasionally buys a cup of tea. If she hasn’t used her £3 every day she will often say oh I only need topped up by £2 today etc.

itsgettingwierd · 13/11/2021 14:52

@SprogletsMum

Actually I think you're right. As long as there is food in to make a lunch for school and you'd still give her that 20 euros if she took a packed lunch shes effectively choosing to buy lunch instead of making it. My 10 and 13 year olds make their own lunch, at 15 shes more than old enough.

This is my take on it.

You have said she can make packed lunch and provided food to do this (at a cost).

If she chooses not to and spends 4€ a day on just a roll and drink she's making that choice.

I'd phrase it as "you can have 20€ a week pocket money. What you spend that on is your choice. There will always be food at home for you to make and take out"

woodhill · 13/11/2021 15:04

Also a packed lunch is better for the environment if you use a lunchbox etc

So much packaging on all these pre made items and bottles of drink

Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 15:07

@CallMeNutribullet

So 4 euros is what? £3 per day? That's nothing. Is she supposed to starve to have something to spend at the weekend?

You’re right, she would starve. How could a girl of only 15 be expected to make a packed lunch? She would need to butter the bread and put some filling on the bread and wrap it in tinfoil or cling film.

Oh wait! She could easily do that.

heymammy · 13/11/2021 15:24

Start giving her her pocket money on a Friday so that she has plenty of money for the weekend then she'll have to bring lunches from home during the week.

Definitely have a conversation around choosing to spend her pm on lunches. Maybe agree that once a week you will give her a fiver to get lunch at school (if you can afford it)

BillDates · 13/11/2021 15:31

@CallMeNutribullet

So 4 euros is what? £3 per day? That's nothing. Is she supposed to starve to have something to spend at the weekend?

Well no, she can take the packed lunches from the food her Mum had bought for packed lunches like the whole family. Like she has been doing until recently.

There's more than one person needing lunches at school/work in the household, if they all decided they want to purchase pre made sandwiches daily it becomes a big jump in costs.

Summerfun54321 · 13/11/2021 15:47

@BoredZelda are you new to MN? Or are you just a troll? Most people respond to the OP’s AIBU, rather than just single out someone from the thread to lay into.

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