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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dd to save her "lunch" money

182 replies

grecianurn82 · 13/11/2021 11:56

My 15 year old gets 20 euro a week for money for lunch. She buys a roll and a drink every day which costs 4 euro a day. Then at weekends she's usually looking for another 10 to go out with her friends. Aibu to tell her she needs to save her money during the week and bring lunch from home a couple of days?? Her dad (we're separated) is trying to tell me I'm being unfair and apparently the maintenance he gives me is for this. I think 30 a week is a ridiculous amount to be giving a teenager..Aibu??

OP posts:
Dreamstosell · 13/11/2021 12:51

At 15 my sons were getting £10 pocket money. So I think €20 plus packed lunches is fine. But I’d give her the money at the weekend and then she’ll not need to ask for extra as she won’t have had a chance to spend it on lunches yet. Then when she spends it all at the weekend she can take packed lunches to school

shouldistop · 13/11/2021 12:53

@grecianurn82

Prior to this year she was getting 20 a week pocket money and bringing lunch from home every day.
Just start doing that again then
BendingSpoons · 13/11/2021 12:54

Surely it's about her being more organised so she doesn't need to buy lunch at school every day. It doesn't even sound like an exciting lunch. Can you work with her to remember her water bottle and make a sandwich the night before?

Nowomenaroundeh · 13/11/2021 12:55

I'm shocked at the replies here. Make her lunch? She's fifteen not five! She can bring her lunch in that she makes herself or she can choose to buy herself lunch some, none or all of the days. The consequences of her choice are whether she will have to make sacrifices elsewhere.

Surely teaching your daughter basic principles of budgeting is an important life skill?

My daughter is not yet that age but I will be suggesting she earns extra money beyond covering the basics. She can do this through set chores at home, or get a part-time job.

UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 12:56

Stop calling it her lunch money, she has the opportunity to make a packed lunch but can't be fecked.
If that's what she wants to use her pocket money on, that's up to her.
80 euros a month is A LOT of pocket money, I had £20 a month in which I also had to top up my phone with. If I wanted more then I'd be looking at babysitting or paper round which I did.

Zebracat · 13/11/2021 12:56

I don’t think lunch money should be separate. I think we unfit our children for the world by teaching them that money is for treats. Money is a tool, and it’s very useful for her to learn that she can have more spending money by saving on lunch. I would give her 100 euros a month and tell her that she needs to manage lunch fares, clothes and fun from it.

Zebracat · 13/11/2021 12:56

Actually it would need to be more if it was clothes too.

StoppinBy · 13/11/2021 13:01

She's 15, she can make her own lunch.

She's choosing to spend it on buying lunch when there is food in the house so that's on her.

My Mum certainly wouldn't have given me that much spending money each week, I personally think that the money given to her during the week is generous enough.

Surely she can do things with her friends that don't cost money most of the time?

EmeraldShamrock · 13/11/2021 13:03

I'd meet in middle by giving an extra €5 on condition she makes a packed lunch 2 days a week minimum.

BadNomad · 13/11/2021 13:05

There was a thread recently with a 15yo who got £20 a week pocket money. The general consensus was she should get a job if she wants more money. Hmm Your daughter just needs to budget better. Spending most of her money on food when she doesn't need to is stupid.

Nowomenaroundeh · 13/11/2021 13:06

Also, I don't like that your ex thinks he can dictate how his maintenance is spent. The money goes into the running of the house, raising out children pot.

auberginechef · 13/11/2021 13:07

One thing I wish my mum did was, teach me to cook and prepare lunches at home.

She just threw me money and told me to get outside food

Took me long time to beat a takeaway addiction and learn to cook! Turns out I'm quite amazing at cooking!

I think you should get her in habit of making her own roll. And then she has 30 spending money!

Yuledo · 13/11/2021 13:08

Ours had a set amount for pocket money and a set amount for lunch money. It was up to them how they spent the lunch money. If they could be bothered making and taking a packed lunch then they effectively had more pocket money.

One made the sandwiches, one didn’t. That actually reflects their attitudes to money generally.

Yummymummy2020 · 13/11/2021 13:09

I agree with the above that said pack a lunch and use the money saved as pocket money. I would be afraid she would skip food to socialise if she tried to save the lunch money so the packed lunch would hopefully work out.

RB68 · 13/11/2021 13:10

I think you just need to be clear on what the money you provide is for. At 15 my DD was in school and I put money on her thumb for lunch (15 per week) (like a card but by thumb print) and paid her an allowance monthly but was clear that it was two sep things and also what the allowance covered - so any extra clothes other than basic knicks and socks and uniform and school shoes. We occasionally would negotiate on bigger things like coats but on the whole it worked. At 16 she left school for college - she now gets one monthly amount to cover train fares, lunches, and her allowance towards clothes etc. which is increased now I am not buying uniform. SHe has also got herself a p/T job and works one shift a week basically and sometimes two. If she had packed lunch then I reduced the amount on her card/thumb usually around £3 a day as that was about provision of food and not just there for spending BUT as it was a canteen account there was little scope for spending it otherwise.

Its all very well saying OP tight but maybe there just isn't the money to shell out both for lunches and 20 euro a week for just frittering. I also think CM money is to keep the child and pocket money should be split between parents separately but I know that is rarely the case. Pocket money is not about food on table, bills & a roof etc

Comefromaway · 13/11/2021 13:10

With ds i provide him a packed lunch for college each day. If I’m feeling lazy he gets £3 per day to buy lunch.

Pocket money is entirely separate. He gets £10 per week. If he chooses to go out at weekends he uses his pocket money to buy food out.

Sally872 · 13/11/2021 13:11

Yanbu. But I would phrase it differently.

You can have lunch at school 2-3 days a week, the other days make a pack lunch.

Then also give her 10 euros at weekend. Keep it for extra school lunches if you can't be bothered making one.

Chippymunks · 13/11/2021 13:14

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to suggest she takes a pack lunch a couple of days a week and then she’d have 18€ to go out with at the weekend. Let her choose.

Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 13:16

She’s 15 years of age. Tell her she can make a packed lunch and then the 20 euros is hers to do what she likes with. Make her aware she’s welcome to the packed lunch food.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 13/11/2021 13:17

A 15 year old will need more money than that. You sound incredibly petty and stingy. She needs to be able to eat well and you need to ensure that. Just give her pocket money separate from lunch money.

CrackersDontMatter · 13/11/2021 13:18

I used to get £20 a week pocket money. It was to cover lunches and then I could spend the rest on whatever. However this was 20 years ago. There wouldn't be much change today.

Original poster
grecianurn82 · 13/11/2021 13:21

@DrManhattan calling me tight when you don't know my financial situation is a bit unfair. I'm currently only in a position to work part time due to another one of my children needing a lot of care, they have disabilities. I bring my own lunch to work to save money so I have extra for my children so its more about trying to budget well than being tight.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 13/11/2021 13:22

You need to discuss with her. Buying lunch everyday is expensive. Can she make and take a packed lunch? My 15 year old does - I buy what she wants on weekly shop she makes it. Her friend bakes her own rolls and cake for hers. Obviously trickier if no where to eat packed lunch or all friends buy lunch.
I’d be careful to separate lunch money and spends. Telling her not to eat so got cash to go out isn’t healthy - lots of teens try and survive on can of fizzy drink to save money.

JKDinomum · 13/11/2021 13:22

My teens (13 and 15) are expected to make themselves a lunch to take to school a couple of times a week but otherwise I pay for their lunches bought at school. They get a small amount of pocket money which is theirs to do what they like with (only £10 a month!) But it is literally for buying sweets etc they don't need to buy anything. I pay for food, travel, clothes, art supplies, books, phone contracts etc. Eldest also earns £15-£40 a week babysitting. Younger one has a small business of her own selling stuff to she's made.

onceandneveragain · 13/11/2021 13:23

I don't think 30 euros is excessive for a teenager, no. I wasn't having much less than that when I was her age more than 15 years ago.

However my parents did give me the set amount and then said it was up to me whether I spent it on extra food (in addition to lunch stuff available at home) or saved it for other stuff so I don't think you would be unreasonable to suggest that. How did the change come about that last year it was 20euro for pocket money and this year it's 20euro for lunch?

I would compromise and give her 25-30 (if you can afford it) but tell her she can spend it on whatever but it won't be topped up.

EMA for 16plus in the UK is £30 p/w and has been for about 18 years I think!