To be annoyed my mum can’t get her phone off silent and accessible at key times?

[TheViewFromTheCheapSeats]

Obviously no one wants to be on call 24/7, but it’s driving me nuts she treats it like a house phone when I’m trying to get in touch and she knows I will. Examples of what I mean

-I get a bus to her that’s unreliable. It takes 20min to get to her, the stop is 5 min from her house then we travel on together on the same bus.
The bus is really unreliable in its timetable, often a 22 min wait from when it should arrive. Occasionally no wait.
I text her/ try to ring when I get on the bus. This gives her 15min to get ready then she can walk over.
She every bloody week says ‘I didn’t see the text/ I didn’t get it in time’, instead of just having her phone ready off silent and not in the bottom of a bag. She’s then annoyed if I’m late, the wait if there’s roadworks can be even longer- I update this so she has no need to stand in the cold. Now she’s annoyed because the next bus was 25min behind us and I didn’t get off. I’ve just left her to follow us as she wasn’t there in time, the bus was early. I gave her good warning of this what time we would be there (a few min before normal)

-she’s with one of the kids. She knows I’ll text to collect them around a certain time when I’m near. I get there and she’s all ‘no one is ready! I didn’t see the text!’ (She hates being rushed and doesn’t want to invite us in as the younger ones will want to stay)

-we are meeting in town, she hasn’t given a set time but her phone isn’t on ring, I call and call. Once she was upset I left her in town without a lift back.

She honestly can’t get why it’s annoying me, thinks she checks it every 30/40 min and that’s ok…

larry I fee your pain.
My lovely old late Ma once left her wallet in a shop. My mobile number was written somewhere in it as I got a call when on a night train in southern India. Of course her mobile (an easy/simplified doro mobile) was spectacularly turned off. She had to travel all the way home by public transport to get my landline answerphone message (which she didn’t listen to for over a day) and then back to the shop who I had asked to put it in safe until I could get hold of her.
She then thought I had made a huge fuss.
Really tricky balance in respecting their indépendance (mine when I get older) and trying to help lit and not make older people feel they’ve ‘done wrong’. I miss my Ma every single day - a lot - but I don’t miss any of that stuff !

@CasperGutman they are affluent. It’s a total choice to let the phones dwindle and die. I know from experience if I get one they wouldn’t connect it. They are a nightmare to buy for, there’s always some reason your choice will be wrong.

An example: they had a problem with internet in their house. I bought and set up for a present a solution to the signal reaching everywhere. They constantly switch it off at the wall, then say it’s quicker to just walk the device to where the wi-fi works. They then make comments though like how it’s annoying they can’t watch Netflix upstairs, so need a second virgin cable…

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats oh goodness, yours sound way more annoying than mine: the combination of sabotaging your efforts to help and complaining about the issues you've already solved for them must be utterly infuriating!

Hey, my Mum won’t even turn her phone on unless she wants to call or message someone, so it’s pointless me even trying to contact her as she won’t see it for weeks - so annoying.

Does she manage to communicate effectively and meet up on time for
things with her friends? I think if she does then this behaviour is perhaps a bit controlling on her part. If she’s like this with everyone, I would still choose to disengage (ie I wouldn’t even come via her train station, just meet her there and she can take it or leave it).

I must admit I put mine on silent and then forget sometimes I always think I will notice calls as I have the phone to hand but I don't . Does she know how to put it on do not disturb and just allow calls or texts from selected people, ideally including you?

you need to change your attitude...get about your business, don't exclude her, but she has to do all the running

Keep info to a minimum...don't get sucked into making complex plans with her, tell her you are going on the bus to wherever and you will see her there, tell her to message when she arrives. This means no hanging around for you and the children and she doesn't get to call the tune.

Other than that don't get involved in solving problems for her, just point out how easily it could be resolved.
For example, my mother will not learn to text, and moans constantly about being left out because when she phones it's a huge marathon session of at least an hour if not more, so me being busy means low contact, when she moans I point out that if she would learn to text I could text her all the live long day.

[quote Elphame]@Pinkgorrilaz

Wow you do make some sweeping assumptions don’t you!

No because I was brought up with manners and wouldn’t dream of unilaterally changing any arrangements. I am also never late.[/quote]
I asked you if you did change arrangements unilaterally, I didn't assume that you did. If you don't then what you do with your mobile phone is completely irrelevant to the thread.

The OPs mother changes arrangements and then is uncontactable. That's the problem!