About BIL and SIL

[IDontLikeMondays88]

My BIL and SIL live in Canada. We’ve not seen them for two years due to the pandemic.
BIL and SIL recently told us they intend to spend a month in Europe over the summer and invited us and my MIL and FIL to join them for a week in a specific country. Although it was never specifically discussed I assumed we would rent a house together or perhaps apartments in the same block or something like that.
However BIL and SIL have now booked an apartment in a resort for themselves without any discussion with the rest of the family as to the choice of resort of accommodation. They’ve just booked and now expect us to fall into line and book the same resort and accommodation. In fact they expect us to share with MIL and FIL while they stay in a separate apartment. I don’t mind staying with MIL and FIL but think it’s odd/bordering on rude that we are expected to stay with MIL and FIL but they want to be separate. The resort isn’t what I would pick. The accommodation also isn’t what I’d pick - serveral reviews say it is not accessible when we have a 2 year old (ie are going to have to carry a buggy up and down lots of stairs) and FIL has a disabled badge. MIL also has problems
walking.
AiBU to be pissed off by this? I feel it’s thoughtless at best. I also feel a bit like they don’t want us to come on their trip (but they invited us🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️)

That’s bizarre, I’d definitely expect to have had a discussion about where you’re staying!

Can’t you book your own accomodation that’s more suitable? I assume there must be more than one choice of where to stay?

They seem to be a bit thoughtless.

Just book accommodation that suits you and the in laws in the same resort. Doesn’t have to be the same place (apartment block) as them

Why not book suitable accommodation in the same area? If it’s within walking distance, they could come to you and pil on a regular basis?

They are staying where they want to stay. They obviously want to see you but it doesn’t sound like they’re bothered if you stay in the same accommodation or not. I’d look into staying somewhere else and PIL can do the same.

It’s their big holiday to Europe. There’s nothing to say you have to stay there too, surely? Just stay where you like. Sorted.

I'd point out they are at a non accessible and make your own arrangements at a suitable place. Maybe they are too stupid and or self centered to have even considered it?

Find a place you want to stay in. Ils can stay near whoever they choose...

Yes but it’s our holiday too! We are putting our hands in our pockets to go to meet them but we don’t get any say as to where to go or the accommodation 🙁

Tell them what you've told us. The accomodations aren't acceptable. They can either change theirs so you can all be together, or you and your in-laws will be somewhere else.

@IDontLikeMondays88

Yes but it’s our holiday too! We are putting our hands in our pockets to go to meet them but we don’t get any say as to where to go or the accommodation 🙁

Don't be silly, of course you get a say. You say "we aren't staying there" and you book somewhere else. No one is holding a gun to your head, you can make your own choices.

If they're there for a month they are not going to want to rent somewhere spacious enough to host you and in laws for just a week. That would be silly.

I suspect this is just crossed wires on expectations.

Really shoddy. Can I assume they don’t have children, so didn’t consider a small child, buggy, steps was a bad idea? And are they fully aware of your MIL issues with walking? Because it sounds either like they are oblivious to these things, or that they don’t actually want you to stay there

Also just book somewhere for you and dh if you don't want to share with them. They might not want to share with you!

I think there are mismatched expectations…it sounds like they are making their own holiday plans and from their perspective just giving you the option of joining should you fancy, rather than it being a planned family holiday together.

They are only staying in this particular place for a week they are travelling around. So it’s not crossed wires.

Yes I do realise a gun is not being held to our head. My point is really that they booked then suggested we book an apartment in the same complex to share with MIL and FIL. Quite aware we can stay elsewhere or not go at all. The AIBU is whether I am right to be kissed off or not?!

If you want to go then pick accommodation that suits you. They cannot force you to stay in the same resort or share with your in-laws.

Ah OK. I think you are entitled to feel bemused then, I'm still undecided on pissed off!

They have children although their children are past the buggy stage. They should be aware that my PIL have mobility issues 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think what I am not sure about is whether it is just thoughtlessness or whether in fact they don’t want us to join them (or perhaps one of them doesn’t want us to join them). If it’s the latter then I’d rather spend our money going where we want to go.

I wouldn’t go, sorry but this sounds like it is on their terms with no consideration or consultation to the rest of the family.

@Jobegg this is probably right. But they are keen for us and PIL (who we see a lot of already) have a holiday together in a resort of their choice, just find it all so weird!

It depends on your DH’s relationship with his sibling, but I know if my DB did this (he also lives abroad and I haven’t seen him in over three years now), I would ask if there was a reason why he booked somewhere without consulting us, had he considered it wasn’t suitable and does he actually want us there

I understand why you feel annoyed but it sounds to me like they maybe just haven't thought about the implications on you and your PIL. YANBU but I think a simple conversation could probably solve the issue without anyone having to get annoyed. Some people don't mean to be rude, they are just wrapped up in their own world and preoccupied with what they are doing.

Something similar has happened with us before but small scale. Family wanted us to meet them somewhere while they were visiting. The place they booked was completely unsuitable so I simply said, "oh such a shame, we would have loved to meet you but as you've booked that's place, you know we're unable to come. Oh well, catch up next time eh?" And they tried to kick off about it. Think something along the lines of us paying for entrance to a trampoline park when we're physically disabled and unable to take part, or booking an expensive tour of a whisky distillery for teetotallers.

I'd just come right out and say it. They booked it knowing you and PIL couldn't get around it? Why? If they wanted to see you they wouldn't have done that.

There's no fun at your head. You have lots of choices and if you do want to meet up with them, just pick your own place. It's simple really.

"gun" , sorry !