About BIL and SIL

[IDontLikeMondays88]

My BIL and SIL live in Canada. We’ve not seen them for two years due to the pandemic.
BIL and SIL recently told us they intend to spend a month in Europe over the summer and invited us and my MIL and FIL to join them for a week in a specific country. Although it was never specifically discussed I assumed we would rent a house together or perhaps apartments in the same block or something like that.
However BIL and SIL have now booked an apartment in a resort for themselves without any discussion with the rest of the family as to the choice of resort of accommodation. They’ve just booked and now expect us to fall into line and book the same resort and accommodation. In fact they expect us to share with MIL and FIL while they stay in a separate apartment. I don’t mind staying with MIL and FIL but think it’s odd/bordering on rude that we are expected to stay with MIL and FIL but they want to be separate. The resort isn’t what I would pick. The accommodation also isn’t what I’d pick - serveral reviews say it is not accessible when we have a 2 year old (ie are going to have to carry a buggy up and down lots of stairs) and FIL has a disabled badge. MIL also has problems
walking.
AiBU to be pissed off by this? I feel it’s thoughtless at best. I also feel a bit like they don’t want us to come on their trip (but they invited us🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️)

Our wonderful Australian relatives do this sort of thing. They're the kindest people, so the first time was a bit disconcerting.

But when it comes down to it, it's THEIR big trip to the other side of the world, so of course they do their research and choose the place they want to stay, and we're invited along, rather than it being a big discussion about who wants what (which in fairness, could go on forever).
But they're not at all worried if we stay somewhere else nearby or if we can't do the exact dates and can only overlap for a bit.

Well you're not obligated to stay there, just say it doesn't work for you and book somewhere you like nearby, what's the issue? PIL can have the choice of which resort they want (and make them get their own place you don't have to agree to share).

I totally realise we can either book different accommodation or not go at all. I just don’t get the rationale for asking us to meet them and then booking somewhere unsuitable for us. It seems at odds with inviting us in the first place.

Some people are self absorbed- it is as simple as that.

@IDontLikeMondays88

I totally realise we can either book different accommodation or not go at all. I just don’t get the rationale for asking us to meet them and then booking somewhere unsuitable for us. It seems at odds with inviting us in the first place.

read Saraclara’s post.

Also, they are there for 4 weeks. Did you expect them to book something (a villa, perhaps) big enough for all of you for the whole four weeks when you are only joining them for one week? I can actually understand that as an initial assumption but can also understand why they wouldn’t do it.

There is nothing wrong in choosing accommodation for yourselves that suits yourselves and then meeting up with them during the day, either to visit their resort or yours or do other activities outside the resort.

@DifficultBloodyWoman RTFT - they are moving around and only staying in this specific place for one week.

So no I wasn’t expecting them to book a bigger place for 4 weeks when we are only there for a week. We are all only in this specific place for one week so I find it odd that they expect stay separately but expect me and my husband to stay with PIL.

I apologise for missing that piece of information in your 6 of the 30 posts in this thread. Drip feeding?

I maintain, choose your own accommodation if you don’t like their choice. Or choose not to go. The same applies to your in laws.

Don’t think I was drip feeding, think you misunderstood.

What did you say when they told you they had booked their apartment? What did your PILs say about it?

I’d say a variation of tangerines reply. Would the resort or location generally suit you as a holiday destination? If so I’d reply with ‘ok looks nice but not suitable for a 2yo, that buggy is heavy. we are having a look for something suitable locally, will update if we find any! But not sure what pil will do as where you’ve booked is totally unsuitable for them with fils accessibility needs. Maybe you can look into options that might work for them? We aren’t planning to share accomm.’

Tangerines: The place they booked was completely unsuitable so I simply said, "oh such a shame, we would have loved to meet you but as you've booked that's place, you know we're unable to come. Oh well, catch up next time eh?"

@saraclara

Our wonderful Australian relatives do this sort of thing. They're the kindest people, so the first time was a bit disconcerting.

But when it comes down to it, it's THEIR big trip to the other side of the world, so of course they do their research and choose the place they want to stay, and we're invited along, rather than it being a big discussion about who wants what (which in fairness, could go on forever).
But they're not at all worried if we stay somewhere else nearby or if we can't do the exact dates and can only overlap for a bit.

Agreed.

I was going to post something similar, that is when I am making plans to ''go back'' I let everyone know that I'm going to be over there and would love to catch up.

If I don't hear from anyone or get the ''yeah let us know when you are going to be here'' thing, I start to make my own arrangements for the trip. I also find booking and paying for accommodation as an early bird has huge discounts involved with added freebies (like upgrades).

I think you are overthinking their arrangements. Do what suits you, but the main thing is to stay in touch and work towards a common meeting date, even if it's for lunch/dinner staying elsewhere.

it doesn't have to be a 24/7 thing, but I'm sure they would love to see you all regardless.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

I apologise for missing that piece of information in your 6 of the 30 posts in this thread. Drip feeding?

I maintain, choose your own accommodation if you don’t like their choice. Or choose not to go. The same applies to your in laws.

There was no drip feed. In the first paragraph of the OP it's implied that they're travelling in Europe, not to just one place, and the second or third post from OP says "They are only staying in this particular place for a week they are travelling around. So it’s not crossed wires.", which OP then had to repeat for you.

They are staying in an apartment just for them. Why would you have to stay with PIL?

You can book an apartment for you and PIL can book one for them.

but we don’t get any say as to where to go or the accommodation 🙁

Of course you can choose your own accommodation. Stay somewhere that suits you and meet up with them when you are there. I don't see what the big deal is.

I also think that staying near them rather than with them fosters a better relationship with them.

[quote IDontLikeMondays88]@Jobegg this is probably right. But they are keen for us and PIL (who we see a lot of already) have a holiday together in a resort of their choice, just find it all so weird![/quote]
You see a lot of your PILs, but they don't.

They've simply invited you because they'd love to see ALL of you. You don't have to go. It's not a summons. But they clearly hope that you can.

It's true that it's not your choice of resort and maybe you don't feel a need to holiday with your PILs. But that's not really what this is about.

They've invited you to join them because they'd love to see you. But you have the flexibility to bok the accommodation that suits you. You don't have to be in each other's pockets.

Just book somewhere in the area and visit them when it suits you. Don't see the problem.

I'd hate to all be staying in the same accommodation for a week - looks like they would too.

Having your own space will be much less stressful. And as you're already pissed off with them you're bound to be pissed off by plenty more if you were sharing accommodation.

@Catflapkitkat nothing has been said yet.

@Howshouldibehave we don’t have to share with PIL but what I think is odd/off is that they have booked their own accommodation and now are sharing/suggesting details of bigger places for us to stay with PIL. So they assume we will be staying with PIL (but they don’t want to)

The options they are suggest are in the complex they have booked which is not very accessible

They only suggested it. Say 'we've booked x as your suggestion isn't accessible for us, can't wait to see you all' and then forget about it.

I would feel the same way

I suspect it's probably them not thinking properly and wanting to get The Big Trip all booked up. Having to navigate a month with switchover, flights and dates sounds like a challenge to me.

I do suspect they'll be aware of getting PIL to stay with you. Would PIL be ok on their own?

Timeisnotaline is absolutely right.

But I would be explaining to my DH that I was not hosting PIL on my holiday as seems to be the idea , then leave him to sort it out with his family.

Its just a misunderstanding. Just like they have chosen something that suits them - they have suggested this as they think it might suit you. Tell them it doesn't and book somewhere else. You can choose to see this as them being selfish and make a big issue of it to the point it affects your enjoyment of the visit - or you can take it with a grain of salt they meant no harm, its just a misunderstanding and sort out accommodation that suits you.

Yeah my issue is that I already feel badly about it - like I don’t want to go 🙈
But I guess I will need to get over it!

[quote IDontLikeMondays88]@Jobegg this is probably right. But they are keen for us and PIL (who we see a lot of already) have a holiday together in a resort of their choice, just find it all so weird![/quote]
So at no point in all this did they say they'd also come to the UK to see Pils, as part of their month long trip?