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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dinner Lady told my class I was pregnant

146 replies

RosieLemonade · 12/11/2021 17:32

I am 22 weeks pregnant. I hadn't told my class as I'm quite anxious about things going wrong and also I'm planning to work a good few weeks yet. I share my class with another teacher and she is taking over my days so it isn't a huge change for them. Obviously I have a bump so some have probably noticed but I do try and wear lose clothing.
Today loads of them came to me after lunch and told me they knew I was having a baby boy next year! Then later some of the older children I have taught came and said the same thing. They told me the dinner lady had been telling people. I hadn't even told the dinner lady! Am I being unreasonable that I'm a bit miffed I didn't get to tell my class myself?

OP posts:
ExcessiveIyDisorganised · 12/11/2021 20:15

YABU if there's an obvious bump and you are 22 weeks I'm amazed it didn't happen sooner. Up to about 12 weeks is when most keep quiet about it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/11/2021 20:19

God, this pompous nobody has to disclose the contents of their uterus codology... 🤦🏼‍♀️
Op wasn't forced to "disclose" anything. She is visibly pregnant and those around her aren't stupid and managed to work it out for themselves.
The humanity!!

PerfectlyUnsuitable · 12/11/2021 20:30

There is a lot of gossiping going round your school if she knew you are having a boy even though you never even mentioned to her that you are pregnant…..

She was out of line to specifically say that to the children wo been asked.
At the same time, I’d be careful about whatever you are saying to anyone in the school as it seems to be spreading fast.

Familycrapti · 12/11/2021 20:32

How can it be a secret if you’re visibly pregnant?

If you specifically wanted to be the one to tell your class, it sounds like you left it a little late! Hardly the dinner lady’s fault.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and congratulations Flowers

itsallgoingpearshaped · 12/11/2021 20:37

@AnotherEmma

I think you are both unreasonable. She shouldn't have told them. However, I think it's unreasonable for you not to tell your class that you're pregnant by 22 weeks, and to expect people not to talk about your pregnancy when you've told some people but not others - how are they supposed to know who you have and haven't told? And if you have a visible bump some people will work it out anyway. I can understand waiting until after your 20 week anomaly scan but then i think you should tell them. (Unless you have a history of late miscarriage or still birth, or higher than usual risk of serious complications.) And if you don't tell them, it seems a bit silly to get upset about them finding out by other means. Sorry.
This

I'm in a school.

This.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/11/2021 20:42

@MsWalterMitty

It wasn’t her news to tell. Yanbu
Look at it another way. A colleague told a few of us she was pregnant. I didn't pass on the message and she was then surprised that others didn't know. I think I WAS meant to pass it on and that would have been easier for the colleague than having to go around telling everyone or making some kind of announcement. Also, if it's obvious and common knowledge, it's not a secret is it and it it's not a secret anyone can talk about it.
ittakes2 · 12/11/2021 21:05

While its a pain you are 22 weeks pregnant. Besides the bump there are other noticeable features of a pregnant woman - slight face swelling, boobs getting bigger. I have not doubt the parents have all realised you are pregnant.

JumparooSavedMyLife · 12/11/2021 21:09

I think by 22 weeks and showing you can't exactly assume it'll stay a secret much longer, I say this as someone who kept my last pregnancy quiet until 20 weeks. I was quite clearly pregnant, it was only because of covid and not seeing people that I managed it.

One of the teacher's at my children's school is pregnant, I've know a while and didn't say anything to our children until she was very visibly pregnant. Kids aren't daft anyway, they'd notice themselves. If you want to tell people yourself and not have people guess you have to get in there at 12 weeks.

PurpleOkapi · 12/11/2021 21:26

Choosing not to tell people about something obvious doesn't stop people from noticing it. It also doesn't stop them from telling others about it. YABU to expect either.

NautaOcts · 12/11/2021 22:31

I can see why you’d be upset about it
But I think it’s quite unusual to be more than halfway through a pregnancy and it not be common knowledge so I don’t think she would’ve meant any malice by it or wouldn’t have thought for a minute that people didn’t already know

Hankunamatata · 12/11/2021 22:54

There was a lady in work very obviously pregnant but of course we were all polite and didn't mention it but everyone was talking about it. It was a bit crazy as everyone knew but we had to play lets pretend we didn't until she told us

Hankunamatata · 12/11/2021 22:59

Have you told someone you are having a baby boy? Are you having a baby boy?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/11/2021 23:17

@Hankunamatata

There was a lady in work very obviously pregnant but of course we were all polite and didn't mention it but everyone was talking about it. It was a bit crazy as everyone knew but we had to play lets pretend we didn't until she told us
You'd have to be a bit peculiar to put yourself in the centre of that nonsense. Was she particularly attention seeking generally?
Justmeandmyfamily · 13/11/2021 17:53

You shouldn't be anxious, I know women that have been working untill last month of pregnancy, as long as you feel good I won't think you'll lose your job. When I was in 3rd year of college one of my teacher was pregnant and she told her pupils and the other teachers in school as soon as she had a scan to confirm (she was trying for years and everyone was just so happy for her!)

wentworthinmate · 13/11/2021 17:56

Yeah blame the domestic staff for gossiping. Bet you wouldn't be so miffed it was another teacher! She might be a 'dinner lady' but she's not blind.

EsthernJasmine · 13/11/2021 18:20

I always see sharing personal news as something for a person to do themselves in their own way and own timing. I hardly told anyone I was pregnant for the same reason until I was 5 months pregnant. Had a similar incident when someone close told someone else who told my lodgers who I hadn't yet told - as at that point I hadn't even told my parents. I was really upset.

2bazookas · 13/11/2021 18:31

22 weeks, surely it shows by now?

I suspect you're the only one who thought  your pregnancy is a well kept secret  :-)
Tallulah1972 · 13/11/2021 18:34

It really wasn’t hers to tell & she had no right in doing so. I’d be asking her why she told the children & at least want an apology.

julieca · 13/11/2021 18:35

@EsthernJasmine at 5 months pregnant it would have been obvious. It would be like having a haircut and saying no one can talk about it until you tell them you have had your hair cut.

SophieKaczynsky · 13/11/2021 18:36

How weird to be obviously pregnant but keeping it a secret. Just totally weird behaviour

billy1966 · 13/11/2021 18:40

On my third, and 26 weeks pregnant I started to tell people.

Not everyone shows.
People were surprised.

What a foghorn.
She has zero business telling your students your business.

Speak to her boss and your HT.
She needs to learn a bit of discretion.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/11/2021 18:42

@EsthernJasmine

I always see sharing personal news as something for a person to do themselves in their own way and own timing. I hardly told anyone I was pregnant for the same reason until I was 5 months pregnant. Had a similar incident when someone close told someone else who told my lodgers who I hadn't yet told - as at that point I hadn't even told my parents. I was really upset.
This is just weird. Truly bizarre.
GinPin2 · 13/11/2021 18:51

At least you ARE pregnant !!!!

Worse when you aren't and your class of yr 2 seven year olds ask if you are ! Grin

Crunchymum · 13/11/2021 18:53

Are you having a boy?

I'm guessing you've told some colleagues so it's one of them who have told the dinner lady?

Amberflames · 13/11/2021 18:56

@TwinklyBranch

She probably thought you'd already told them by now.
This. Particularly if you have a bump. Why would she assume it’s a secret if it’s visibly apparent?