Dinner Lady told my class I was pregnant

[RosieLemonade]

I am 22 weeks pregnant. I hadn't told my class as I'm quite anxious about things going wrong and also I'm planning to work a good few weeks yet. I share my class with another teacher and she is taking over my days so it isn't a huge change for them. Obviously I have a bump so some have probably noticed but I do try and wear lose clothing.
Today loads of them came to me after lunch and told me they knew I was having a baby boy next year! Then later some of the older children I have taught came and said the same thing. They told me the dinner lady had been telling people. I hadn't even told the dinner lady! Am I being unreasonable that I'm a bit miffed I didn't get to tell my class myself?

@AnotherEmma

I think you are both unreasonable. She shouldn't have told them. However, I think it's unreasonable for you not to tell your class that you're pregnant by 22 weeks, and to expect people not to talk about your pregnancy when you've told some people but not others - how are they supposed to know who you have and haven't told? And if you have a visible bump some people will work it out anyway. I can understand waiting until after your 20 week anomaly scan but then i think you should tell them. (Unless you have a history of late miscarriage or still birth, or higher than usual risk of serious complications.) And if you don't tell them, it seems a bit silly to get upset about them finding out by other means. Sorry.

OP shouldn’t have to justify why she hadn’t told anyone, especially as she is anxious about things going wrong.

Things do go wrong (not saying that to make you anxious OP, but I know you know it)

Nobody has to confide in anyone else the contents of their uterus unless they wish to, at any stage, for any reason, until 25 weeks where they need to tell an employer if they know, and if they have one. That’s the only exception.

I waited until 24 weeks to share my news each time and that’s 100% up to me.

She probably only said it to one or two and they spread it. Kids love new news, especially about a teacher, and being the ones to tell it to everyone else.

@Amijustagrump

Could be worse, I'm pregnant and have 4/5 different students ask me if "miss X" is pregnant too.. she is not turns out people had asked her directly too!

Maybe she is pregnant, but just hasn't told anyone yet.

mam918
I would report her - if you didn't tell her then how does she even know you are having a boy? etc... snooping then gossiping about an employee's private life especially to the children in your care is not acceptable.

Be careful, you'll hurt your back reaching that far! How can you possibly accuse her of snooping? Do you think she went looking for her medical records? The teacher has told people and she's visibly pregnant. No snooping is required!

Snooping 🤣🤣🤣

I think people are being a bit horrible about OP not telling at this stage - I really hated 'announcing' my pregnancies (possibly because I had three miscarriages before my first successful one, but I think I would have been a bit like that anyway) and held out probably far past the point everyone had guessed with DS1. I wasn't doing it to be annoying or attention-seeking, it was because I was emotional about it to the point that I would feel myself well up every time I thought about telling someone. With DS2, thank god, it was during lockdown so I didn't have to tell anyone until 20 weeks, even though I was the size of a house, and then could do it all in writing rather than face-to-face.

Report her. She isn't entitled to share your health information with other people. If children ask, she should say 'I don't know, sorry.' And you don't have to 'tell', even if your bump is huge. You do not have to talk about it. Women's bodies are not public property, and that includes women teachers.

*OP shouldn’t have to justify why she hadn’t told anyone, especially as she is anxious about things going wrong.

She didn't say she hadn't told anyone. She said she'd not told her class

We don't know if the people she had told knew they weren't supposed to tell anyone

Thee are absolutely no secrets in any primary school I've worked in, they leak like sieves. Canteen Jean makes the Spanish Inquisition look bloody lazy.

I think when your visibly pregnant it's normal for people to assume it's common knowledge, even if you haven't been telling people yourself.

I'd say if mum's see you on pick up then they know.

Is the fact she's a dinner lady relevant?

Just wondering

If you’ve got a visible bump why would people assume you were keeping it a secret? That makes no sense.

I would report her

Are you THAT person? 🙄

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

Report her. She isn't entitled to share your health information with other people. If children ask, she should say 'I don't know, sorry.' And you don't have to 'tell', even if your bump is huge. You do not have to talk about it. Women's bodies are not public property, and that includes women teachers.

If you are telling people you are pregnant but don't want particular people to know, you need to be clear about it. It's not really private health information if it is being shared with people in the workplace.

PiesNotGuys

"Nobody has to confide in anyone else the contents of their uterus unless they wish to, at any stage, for any reason, until 25 weeks where they need to tell an employer if they know, and if they have one. That’s the only exception.

I waited until 24 weeks to share my news each time and that’s 100% up to me."

Of course, totally up to a pregnant woman whether and when she tells people about the pregnancy, as long as she tells her employer when she legally has to. However, it becomes awkward and unfair if you start telling some people and not others. And it's also a bit silly to get offended if people work it out.

Why would someone do that!!

Because it must be obvious given the OP hadn’t told her, and perhaps she assumed by 22 weeks and showing, nobody would be keeping it quiet so if the children were talking about it or if there was a conversation about it she wouldn’t know to keep it quiet.

It is unusual but if I’d wanted something quite obvious not to be discussed with the children I’d have thought a note to the staff would be the thing to do.

@RosieLemonade

Quite a few children told myself and at least 3 other members of staff in various conversations over the day.

YABU 1. To use “myself” incorrectly as a teacher. 2. If you want to tell your class yourself then you need to do so before the world figures it out.

At 22 weeks the dinner lady must have assumed it was common knowledge…unless you had specifically asked all staff not to mention it to the kids - which is a tricky one if they notice and start asking questions.

It’s not nice but you’re 22 weeks, would you rather wait until you’re on maternity leave for them to know?

It is very possible she has done nothing wrong. Many years ago, I was investigated for breach of confidentiality at work. What happened was someone told me someone else was pregnant. I was later talking to another colleague about who in the department is pregnant and I mentioned her. This colleague then went and congratulated her, and I was then investigated for breach of confidentiality, even though I heard it from someone else. I had no idea the news was being kept quiet.

This dinner lady could be in the exact same situation.

Surely the most interesting part of your post OP, is did she tell them you're having a boy?

Are you actually having a boy?

Tbh I think you've made things tricky if staff know, you're visibly pregnant but you've chosen not to tell your class. If it's seen as common knowledge then it's not reasonable for you to expect people to know you weren't telling your class unless you've explicitly told them that's the case or to expect them to act like they don't know.

Also, you don't know if she announced it to the children (which would be poor form as that would assume she knew they didn't know) or, more likely, that it just came up as part of a random conversation.

It's possible other children already knew, or their parents strongly suspected, then when asked "Ms Dinner lady isn't Ms teacher pregnant?" coupled with it being common knowledge amongst staff the dinner lady either didn't see a problem with confirming it, didn't think quickly enough, thought it was daft to deny it.

It's OK to feel miffed if it wasn't your plan but I think you were setting yourself up to fail anyway.

I didn't tell my class for a while, some knew but kept it to themselves, I wouldnt have been upset though if they found out.

Many of the parents will know you are pregnant- it may not be just the dinner lady- if in fact she is one source, there will be more.

Most of the mothers of your pupils have been pregnant, so well regognise the signs of another pregnant woman, particularly at 5 and a half months.
Pregnancy shows all over a woman's body, not just the tummy- you can see it in a woman's face, breasts, skin changes, even the gait alters quite early on in pregnacy.
I can guarantee may parents will know you are pregnant and some could have mentioned it to your students.
You can't keep pregnancy secret from eagle eyed women!

@TatianaBis

Glad someone else spotted the “myself” misuse