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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning visitors

103 replies

SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:06

Hello

Can I ask what time people think it's acceptable to visit in the morning? My MiL wanted to bring something for my husband. He explained that he would be out the night before and wouldn't be wanting an early visit. She then turned to me and said 'you'll be up with the baby' to which I said yeah but we won't be wanting visitors if daddy is sleeping and I'm trying to get baby ready'. I thought this was firm enough but apparently not.... here she is at 8am at our door. In all honesty I'm normally a bit of a people
Pleaser and would have let her come in despite all of the above and the house being a tip but I was annoyed with her blatantly ignoring our requests so I kept her at the door and didn't let her in. Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
ufucoffee · 12/11/2021 14:08

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion

Tulips15 · 12/11/2021 14:12

8am is early imo
Hopefully, she will get the message its too early and not do it again BUT I would give a time you are happy with for visits !

Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2021 14:12

She totally disregarded what you said, I wouldn't have let her in either. Cheeky cow.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:13

@ufucoffee

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion
Past caring about her feelings to be honest, she does stuff like this all the time and then pleads ignorance when I bring it up. I think I need to stop giving in as she is then just getting what she wants and ignoring what I've asked for. Think it's rude to have turned up first thing when she had all day to do so
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:13

@Tulips15

8am is early imo Hopefully, she will get the message its too early and not do it again BUT I would give a time you are happy with for visits !
I agree and had asked her to come in the afternoon which she obv ignored
OP posts:
Udouhun · 12/11/2021 14:14

8 is a pisstake. Any time after 10 is fine but pre ten is bullshit unless it's the postman.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2021 14:16

The time of day is irrelevant here. The op clearly told her not to come, and the twat did anyway. That's so disrespectful it's shocking. With people like this you have to have rock solid boundaries or they will walk all over you, every chance they get.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:16

@Aquamarine1029

She totally disregarded what you said, I wouldn't have let her in either. Cheeky cow.
Thank you
OP posts:
Soupseason · 12/11/2021 14:16

Do you get along with her generally?. I couldn't imagine leaving my Mil on the doorstep, I like her you were up anyway?. I'd have made her a cuppa, given her the baby & taken thr opportunity to get ready in peace.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:17

@Udouhun

8 is a pisstake. Any time after 10 is fine but pre ten is bullshit unless it's the postman.
I'll let it slide for the postie or Amazon only 😂😂
OP posts:
FlaggRF · 12/11/2021 14:18

I wouldn't be answering the door at 8am.

RussianSpy101 · 12/11/2021 14:18

YABU to call your husband “daddy” to his mum 😂

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:18

@Aquamarine1029

The time of day is irrelevant here. The op clearly told her not to come, and the twat did anyway. That's so disrespectful it's shocking. With people like this you have to have rock solid boundaries or they will walk all over you, every chance they get.
I'm finding this more and more : she is trying to make everything on her own terms well I'm sorry but I have a newborn and myself and my husband have both asked you not to come at that time as it doesn't suit
OP posts:
FlaggRF · 12/11/2021 14:18

Why couldn't she just leave it behind a plant pot or round the back in a bag?

Peach01 · 12/11/2021 14:19

Nope 8am is inconvenient, especially when you have a baby. She was told not to come early and ignored it. Was entirely her call to show up early when she was told not to.
If it's not suitable for you to have a visitor at that time, it's not suitable.

pigsDOfly · 12/11/2021 14:20

Trying to imagine what sort of person would be ready to go and visit people at 8am.

You might be up with the baby, but that doesn't mean you're up ready to want to interact with your MIL at that time.

I'm not surprised you were annoyed.

She must surely realise that no one wants visitors at that time of the morning.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:20

@Soupseason

Do you get along with her generally?. I couldn't imagine leaving my Mil on the doorstep, I like her you were up anyway?. I'd have made her a cuppa, given her the baby & taken thr opportunity to get ready in peace.
Yeah we get on but after the baby was born she has been really different. She came one afternoon when he was 6 weeks and stayed 8 hours, leaving at 9pm which is a joke and why I am being so harsh now
OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 12/11/2021 14:20

YANBU

Most people are usually on their way to work, dropping kids off at morning club, getting kids ready for the school run? etc. You told her the afternoon, she ignored it, she stays outside. If she would have listened, she wouldn’t have come over to stand outside. Her own fault and no sympathy for such people unless it’s a dire emergency which obviously it wasn’t.

Eltonsglasses · 12/11/2021 14:21

@ufucoffee

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion

How was OP being harsh? The MIL was told not she did it want a visitor Hmm

Crumblinginside · 12/11/2021 14:22

I don't think I would have left her outside but second thoughts it's probably the only way she will respect what you've asked - to wait until later.

She's bored and lonely and wants that bit of control.

Brefugee · 12/11/2021 14:23

your mistake was in not saying something like "i can spare you 15 minutes at 10" and given her an exact time.

And always tell her from now on, when she arrives, that she needs to leave at X time (if your DH is ok with that). Otherwise fix a time in your head that you'll switch off from her and do your own thing.

phoenixrosehere · 12/11/2021 14:24

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion

Her own son said he didn’t want her there either that early. Perhaps she should listen to the homeowners not think she is entitled to waltz up in the morning after being told not to come.

grapewine · 12/11/2021 14:24

That's taking the piss. I wouldn't have let her in either.

CurseofChristmas · 12/11/2021 14:25

Daddy? 😂 You called your partner daddy to his mum? Oh god YABU.

YANBU on the other part though 8am is not a sociable hour.

LettertoHermoine · 12/11/2021 14:26

8am...nope Mrs on yer bike!