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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning visitors

103 replies

SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:06

Hello

Can I ask what time people think it's acceptable to visit in the morning? My MiL wanted to bring something for my husband. He explained that he would be out the night before and wouldn't be wanting an early visit. She then turned to me and said 'you'll be up with the baby' to which I said yeah but we won't be wanting visitors if daddy is sleeping and I'm trying to get baby ready'. I thought this was firm enough but apparently not.... here she is at 8am at our door. In all honesty I'm normally a bit of a people
Pleaser and would have let her come in despite all of the above and the house being a tip but I was annoyed with her blatantly ignoring our requests so I kept her at the door and didn't let her in. Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 12/11/2021 15:09

But according to the OP, no one said she shouldn't come in the morning or should come in the afternoon, they just said not early. Early is a subjective thing, that's all I'm saying 🤷‍♀️ if you don't want someone there before 10 then say not before 10.

Guessing you missed OP’s post that she asked dear MIL to come in the afternoon?

Glitterblue · 12/11/2021 15:12

8 is ridiculously early, and rude. On school days I'm up early and back home by 9 but I like time to get turned around before any visitors - breakfast cleared away, washing on, general tidy done etc. So I'd say 10 if it was someone wanting to have an actual visit.

phoenixrosehere · 12/11/2021 15:12

Why didn’t you hand her the baby and go back to bed?

Why would she? If OP wanted to do that, she likely would have and there wouldn’t be a post to begin with.

hotmeatymilk · 12/11/2021 15:12

She then turned to me and said 'you'll be up with the baby' to which I said yeah but we won't be wanting visitors if daddy is sleeping and I'm trying to get baby ready'.
Not nearly firm enough! She’ll have tuned out after “Yeah but” – that’s essentially a yes with garnishings.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 15:29

@Brefugee

your mistake was in not saying something like "i can spare you 15 minutes at 10" and given her an exact time.

And always tell her from now on, when she arrives, that she needs to leave at X time (if your DH is ok with that). Otherwise fix a time in your head that you'll switch off from her and do your own thing.

That's a great idea thank you
OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 12/11/2021 15:40

@thing47

The actual time is almost irrelevant in this scenario. The point is that OP told MIL that the morning was not convenient, it is very rude to deliberately turn up then anyway, maybe it's a power thing but I would have opened a window and told her to go away. Or possibly woken DH up and told him to deal with it… Grin
I agree with this. I'd personally be OK with an 8am visit, but the point is people shouldn't arrive at a time when you've explicitly asked them not to.
SpamIAm · 12/11/2021 16:00

@phoenixrosehere

But according to the OP, no one said she shouldn't come in the morning or should come in the afternoon, they just said not early. Early is a subjective thing, that's all I'm saying 🤷‍♀️ if you don't want someone there before 10 then say not before 10.

Guessing you missed OP’s post that she asked dear MIL to come in the afternoon?

Apparently read it but didn't register it. Ignore me then!
Chocolatewheatos · 12/11/2021 16:03

YANBU it pissed me off that someone rang me at 8am this morning. I wouldn't have let a visitor in the house at that time. 10am I think is the earliest I would want a visitor, I I stuff to do in the morning.

UnderCaffeinated · 12/11/2021 16:05

Unless pre-agreed I wouldn't expect anyone to show up earlier than 10:30am at the weekend.

ThinWomansBrain · 12/11/2021 16:12

there's a difference between a visitor (expects to be invited in, offered tea/coffee, entertained...) and dropping off letter/parcel & leaving en route to somewhere else.

Only one is welcome before 10am, and only then by mutual agreement.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:32

@Neveranynamesleft

Go and knock on her door at 6 oclock in the morning, smile sweetly and say that as you were passing you thought you'd call for a cuppa. See how she likes it !
Love this Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:33

@ThinWomansBrain

there's a difference between a visitor (expects to be invited in, offered tea/coffee, entertained...) and dropping off letter/parcel & leaving en route to somewhere else.

Only one is welcome before 10am, and only then by mutual agreement.

Completely agree. I would be more than happy for her to come later but the mornings are just too busy without her expecting to be made tea etc too on top of it all
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:36

@UnderCaffeinated

Unless pre-agreed I wouldn't expect anyone to show up earlier than 10:30am at the weekend.
Me too just seems rude
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:47

@CallMeRisley

Would she not have looked after the baby while you had a shower and got ready?
I didn't really want her in the house at that time. I just wanted my house to myself to get ready. My husband is working 60 hour weeks so I think it's unfair to have people in when he is trying to sleep
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:49

@Tailendofsummer

Was what she was bringing a favour to her son?
No it's a coat that his alter left for him at her house- absolutely no rush for it. He already has plenty
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:50

@Glitterblue

8 is ridiculously early, and rude. On school days I'm up early and back home by 9 but I like time to get turned around before any visitors - breakfast cleared away, washing on, general tidy done etc. So I'd say 10 if it was someone wanting to have an actual visit.
I'm the same. I don't want anyone coming when the house is a mess etc, always like to have it tidied up even if just so I don't have to keep looking at the mess
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:51

@TokyoSushi

PIL's do this. they 'drop something off' or similar at 8:30am on a Saturday morning. Absolutely ridiculous. But then they're the sort of people who go to Sainsburys at 7am to 'beat the queues' and have all jobs done and home by 9am to sit in their house all day.

DH knows my feelings on this and if I'm still in bed when they arrive I simply stay there.

My own parents don't though and I would think it rude if they did. It's not fair to expect other people to accommodate your routines. If you're visiting someone, you need to go with a time that suits them
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:51

@Chocolatewheatos

YANBU it pissed me off that someone rang me at 8am this morning. I wouldn't have let a visitor in the house at that time. 10am I think is the earliest I would want a visitor, I I stuff to do in the morning.
Exactly! I am the same
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:52

@Amberflames

Why didn’t you hand her the baby and go back to bed?
I would think that very rude to go back to bed when someone is round
OP posts:
desperate4spring · 12/11/2021 16:54

No idea why you would invite her in if she's said she's just dropping something round, especially at 8am!

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:58

@desperate4spring

No idea why you would invite her in if she's said she's just dropping something round, especially at 8am!
She was obv expecting to get in and was not handing the parcel over, thinking I would say come in but I decided to take a stand
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 16:58

@phoenixrosehere

Why didn’t you hand her the baby and go back to bed?

Why would she? If OP wanted to do that, she likely would have and there wouldn’t be a post to begin with.

I would consider that rude the
OP posts:
WingingItEveryDay7 · 12/11/2021 17:04

8am, regardless if you're normally up or not is far too early for visitors unless agreed. I would have left her outside even if it had been pissing down with rain!! 🤣

Howshouldibehave · 12/11/2021 17:04

If she wanted to pop over at 8am and drop something round and I was awake-I’d have opened the door, thanked her and taken it off her.

She wouldn’t be coming in though! That’s not a time to be conversational!

Ameanstreakamilewide · 12/11/2021 17:17

I love my in-laws, but they have dropped in (unannounced) a couple of times and I'm not a fan of it at all.
I'd never do that to anyone, it's bloody rude.

But, your situation is different though.
She asked and you told her, but she chose to ignore you; and that's wilfully rude and disrespectful.

Good on you for sticking to your guns. Hopefully, she'll take you seriously next time.