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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning visitors

103 replies

SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:06

Hello

Can I ask what time people think it's acceptable to visit in the morning? My MiL wanted to bring something for my husband. He explained that he would be out the night before and wouldn't be wanting an early visit. She then turned to me and said 'you'll be up with the baby' to which I said yeah but we won't be wanting visitors if daddy is sleeping and I'm trying to get baby ready'. I thought this was firm enough but apparently not.... here she is at 8am at our door. In all honesty I'm normally a bit of a people
Pleaser and would have let her come in despite all of the above and the house being a tip but I was annoyed with her blatantly ignoring our requests so I kept her at the door and didn't let her in. Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 12/11/2021 17:20

10 at the earliest

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 18:01

@Ameanstreakamilewide

I love my in-laws, but they have dropped in (unannounced) a couple of times and I'm not a fan of it at all. I'd never do that to anyone, it's bloody rude.

But, your situation is different though.
She asked and you told her, but she chose to ignore you; and that's wilfully rude and disrespectful.

Good on you for sticking to your guns. Hopefully, she'll take you seriously next time.

I think it's rude too. I also think it's courtesy to phone in advance and ask as people may want a day in to themselves etc especially when working all week
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 18:02

@WingingItEveryDay7

8am, regardless if you're normally up or not is far too early for visitors unless agreed. I would have left her outside even if it had been pissing down with rain!! 🤣
Honestly I normally wouldn't but though enough is enough! Feel if I give an inch she takes a mile
OP posts:
Pumpkinsonparade · 12/11/2021 18:19

My ils used to get to ours at 8.30 on the off chance they could take the dc to school...
Even though I had said No Way Never..
Made sure I had left at 8.25 to miss them!!
Mil wore her glasses to help fil drive...
Mil had a cushion on her seat and never got past second gear..

Rogue1001 · 12/11/2021 18:29

How long did she stay pressing the buzzzzzzzer?

And how did it end? Who broke first?

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 20:23

@Rogue1001

How long did she stay pressing the buzzzzzzzer?

And how did it end? Who broke first?

She kept ringing for a good few minutes and I thought about firing the buzzer off but then thought it would cause problems as she obv knew we were in. I answered the door in my pjs and dressing gown and just kept the door closed
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 20:24

@Pumpkinsonparade

My ils used to get to ours at 8.30 on the off chance they could take the dc to school... Even though I had said No Way Never.. Made sure I had left at 8.25 to miss them!! Mil wore her glasses to help fil drive... Mil had a cushion on her seat and never got past second gear..
Sweet Jesus I can only imagine that image GrinConfusedif it takes two of you to make the drive then it's time to give up the car
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 23:07

@ufucoffee

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion
Do you not think it unreasonable to ignore someone's explicit instruction to NOT come to their home first thing in the morning? I think it's more rude to ignore that to suit yourself to be honest
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 23:18

@Stovetopespresso

come on OP you've go this! "sorry 8 is way too early - how about a coffee at 10?". as pp have said she's possibly bored and lonely so a day out here and there, or you dropping by hers etc might be good.
We see her weekly and seen her on Thursday (yesterday) and have arranged to see her in Tuesday. This is why I really don't understand the urgency. She is dropping of a jacket, my husband already had multiple jackets so waiting until tues would not be an issue. It's nothing that important
OP posts:
CSIblonde · 12/11/2021 23:21

That's a really inconsiderate time to call on anyone in my opinion. 10am at the absolute earliest would be more acceptable , due to most people having a morning routine to sort/do. If anyone calls before that, unless it's a parcel I'm expecting I don't answer.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/11/2021 23:31

Yanbu, but I would have said specifically what time was the cut off- “please come after 10” or similar.

Why did she even want to come that early?

Kite22 · 12/11/2021 23:47

YANBU at all.
I am quite often a defender of MiLs on here, but the thing here is that she asked, and was clearly told that wasn't convenient time to call, and then she called anyway.

I mean, I think 8am is a ridiculous time to call on anyone, regardless but that isn't really relevant - the crucial fact here is she asked, then ignored the replies.

NowEvenBetter · 13/11/2021 00:51

Get her son to tell her no.

notangelinajolie · 13/11/2021 00:56

8am? I wouldn't have answered the door.

HikingforScenery · 13/11/2021 00:57

Wow, you sound very rude.
Did you say she was doing your husband a favour? Maybe she needed to go elsewhere, hence turning up at that time.

If you were up, I don’t see the problem tbh.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/11/2021 01:14

How did you keep her on the doorstep, did you physically bar her way?
That was ill mannered, tbh.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/11/2021 01:29

You see her weekly, yet yesterday you said she hadn't seen your son for 3 weeks so they hadn't bonded properly?
She has only got him one 2nd hand present since he was born but has also shown him his Xmas presents? She sounds bonkers and it sounds like you don't like her.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 13/11/2021 08:50

@sweeneytoddsrazor

You see her weekly, yet yesterday you said she hadn't seen your son for 3 weeks so they hadn't bonded properly? She has only got him one 2nd hand present since he was born but has also shown him his Xmas presents? She sounds bonkers and it sounds like you don't like her.
She is usually weekly but hasn't been recently and up until this week had only bought used presents
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 13/11/2021 08:51

@GreyhoundG1rl

How did you keep her on the doorstep, did you physically bar her way? That was ill mannered, tbh.
Turning up at someone's house after being asked not to at that time is ill mannered
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 13/11/2021 08:52

@HikingforScenery

Wow, you sound very rude. Did you say she was doing your husband a favour? Maybe she needed to go elsewhere, hence turning up at that time.

If you were up, I don’t see the problem tbh.

No she doesn't have plans for the day she is just an early riser but when we had already asked her not to come in the morning I think it's rude to do so anyway just because it suits her
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 13/11/2021 08:53

@Kite22

YANBU at all. I am quite often a defender of MiLs on here, but the thing here is that she asked, and was clearly told that wasn't convenient time to call, and then she called anyway.

I mean, I think 8am is a ridiculous time to call on anyone, regardless but that isn't really relevant - the crucial fact here is she asked, then ignored the replies.

Thank you, I agree. It just seems she expects everything to be on her schedule.
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 13/11/2021 08:54

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Yanbu, but I would have said specifically what time was the cut off- “please come after 10” or similar.

Why did she even want to come that early?

She is just an early riser but I take your point about being more specific
OP posts:
Flowerlane · 13/11/2021 09:01

I have a sibling who likes to pop round early if they need to drop something off or pick something up…usually between 6:30am and 7:30am!

It use to drive me crazy, as we would all be asleep and the door would go! We are now use to it so if we know they are popping around we prepare for the early riseGrin

I would not put up with this from anyone else but my sibling is lovely and always ready to help me when I need it. It’s just part of their characterSmile

Ameanstreakamilewide · 13/11/2021 18:24

@Flowerlane

I have a sibling who likes to pop round early if they need to drop something off or pick something up…usually between 6:30am and 7:30am!

It use to drive me crazy, as we would all be asleep and the door would go! We are now use to it so if we know they are popping around we prepare for the early riseGrin

I would not put up with this from anyone else but my sibling is lovely and always ready to help me when I need it. It’s just part of their characterSmile

Man alive! Half 6 in the bloody morning! 🤯

My sibling would only do it once, I know that.

Cherrysoup · 13/11/2021 18:36

8am? I’d be in bed still. She’s extremely rude to turn up at that time, particularly when your dh said he wanted a lie in and you have a newborn.

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