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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning visitors

103 replies

SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:06

Hello

Can I ask what time people think it's acceptable to visit in the morning? My MiL wanted to bring something for my husband. He explained that he would be out the night before and wouldn't be wanting an early visit. She then turned to me and said 'you'll be up with the baby' to which I said yeah but we won't be wanting visitors if daddy is sleeping and I'm trying to get baby ready'. I thought this was firm enough but apparently not.... here she is at 8am at our door. In all honesty I'm normally a bit of a people
Pleaser and would have let her come in despite all of the above and the house being a tip but I was annoyed with her blatantly ignoring our requests so I kept her at the door and didn't let her in. Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
SpamIAm · 12/11/2021 14:26

I think YABU because, based on what you've said in your post, no one actually told her what time was considered early 🤷‍♀️ I've got kids, normally up at 6, would not be phased at all by an 8am visit and perhaps forget that other people would consider that to be early.

Chloemol · 12/11/2021 14:27

@ufucoffee

You could be annoyed, tell her you were annoyed and still have let her in. You were being harsh in my opinion
@ufucoffee

She is definitely not being harsh, don’t be ridiculous

Mil was told not to come and still came

Now she knows they mean what they say, lesson learnt hopefully

CatsOperatingInGangs · 12/11/2021 14:29

This is about the baby. It sounds like she’s using anything as an excuse to visit the baby. It’s still not right to turn up at 8am when you’ve been asked not to. YANBU

mineofuselessinformation · 12/11/2021 14:29

I'd have hollered up the stairs to tell DH to get his arse out of bed as his mother was there.....

Neveranynamesleft · 12/11/2021 14:30

Go and knock on her door at 6 oclock in the morning, smile sweetly and say that as you were passing you thought you'd call for a cuppa. See how she likes it !

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:31

@FlaggRF

I wouldn't be answering the door at 8am.
Oh the buzzer was incessant
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:31

@RussianSpy101

YABU to call your husband “daddy” to his mum 😂
Hahaha love it
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:32

@FlaggRF

Why couldn't she just leave it behind a plant pot or round the back in a bag?
We stay in a little block of 4 with a very secure door, it could have been left on the door step behind our plant
OP posts:
Stovetopespresso · 12/11/2021 14:34

come on OP you've go this!
"sorry 8 is way too early - how about a coffee at 10?". as pp have said she's possibly bored and lonely so a day out here and there, or you dropping by hers etc might be good.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:34

@Peach01

Nope 8am is inconvenient, especially when you have a baby. She was told not to come early and ignored it. Was entirely her call to show up early when she was told not to. If it's not suitable for you to have a visitor at that time, it's not suitable.
Thank you, I personally think this is very rude and wouldn't do it myself
OP posts:
Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 12/11/2021 14:38

I’d never visit someone before 9am unless very very specifically invited at an earlier time. At the weekend, not before 10am.

8am is far too early.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:38

@pigsDOfly

Trying to imagine what sort of person would be ready to go and visit people at 8am.

You might be up with the baby, but that doesn't mean you're up ready to want to interact with your MIL at that time.

I'm not surprised you were annoyed.

She must surely realise that no one wants visitors at that time of the morning.

That's exactly it. At that time he's normally coming out of his bath and getting changed and fed so quite a busy time for me. I would also still be in my pj's as I get dressed when he is napping and with no make up on abs pj's I don't think I'd be keen sitting entertaining. She doesn't even make a cuppa or anything, just sits on the sofa and often stays for hours to the point ive started going to her now so I can leave when I've had enough
OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 12/11/2021 14:41

I think YABU because, based on what you've said in your post, no one actually told her what time was considered early 🤷‍♀️ I've got kids, normally up at 6, would not be phased at all by an 8am visit and perhaps forget that other people would consider that to be early.

So you’re going to ignore that her son told her not to come because he wouldn’t want visitors in the morning after being out the night before and OP asked her to come in the afternoon? MIL didn’t need to be told a time considering her son said he didn’t want visitors in the morning. It doesn’t matter what time MIL gets up and about or you and others. She was told by both they didn’t want visitors in the morning.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:42

@phoenixrosehere

YANBU

Most people are usually on their way to work, dropping kids off at morning club, getting kids ready for the school run? etc. You told her the afternoon, she ignored it, she stays outside. If she would have listened, she wouldn’t have come over to stand outside. Her own fault and no sympathy for such people unless it’s a dire emergency which obviously it wasn’t.

Totally agree. I don't have other kids so no school run but still bath, feed and change to do around that time for baby and Also need to get myself ready. Not keen to get visits with no make up on in my pjs
OP posts:
thing47 · 12/11/2021 14:43

The actual time is almost irrelevant in this scenario. The point is that OP told MIL that the morning was not convenient, it is very rude to deliberately turn up then anyway, maybe it's a power thing but I would have opened a window and told her to go away. Or possibly woken DH up and told him to deal with it… Grin

SpamIAm · 12/11/2021 14:45

@phoenixrosehere

I think YABU because, based on what you've said in your post, no one actually told her what time was considered early 🤷‍♀️ I've got kids, normally up at 6, would not be phased at all by an 8am visit and perhaps forget that other people would consider that to be early.

So you’re going to ignore that her son told her not to come because he wouldn’t want visitors in the morning after being out the night before and OP asked her to come in the afternoon? MIL didn’t need to be told a time considering her son said he didn’t want visitors in the morning. It doesn’t matter what time MIL gets up and about or you and others. She was told by both they didn’t want visitors in the morning.

But according to the OP, no one said she shouldn't come in the morning or should come in the afternoon, they just said not early. Early is a subjective thing, that's all I'm saying 🤷‍♀️ if you don't want someone there before 10 then say not before 10.
TokyoSushi · 12/11/2021 14:46

PIL's do this. they 'drop something off' or similar at 8:30am on a Saturday morning. Absolutely ridiculous. But then they're the sort of people who go to Sainsburys at 7am to 'beat the queues' and have all jobs done and home by 9am to sit in their house all day.

DH knows my feelings on this and if I'm still in bed when they arrive I simply stay there.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 12/11/2021 14:46

@Crumblinginside

I don't think I would have left her outside but second thoughts it's probably the only way she will respect what you've asked - to wait until later.

She's bored and lonely and wants that bit of control.

She's like this all the time. Does things to suit herself and ignores my requests. I feel it's the only way she will start to listen
OP posts:
sillysmiles · 12/11/2021 14:48

If she's in arriving that early then she needs to be able to "take you as she finds you" meaning so what if the house is a mess - she's dropping in for a specific purpose and you get on with getting baby ready.

I wouldn't necessarily see family as visitors though.

Tailendofsummer · 12/11/2021 14:51

Was what she was bringing a favour to her son?

shampooing · 12/11/2021 14:53

@FlaggRF

I wouldn't be answering the door at 8am.
This ^^ I answered the door early one day for a delivery and it wasn't even for me so now I won't even answer to a delivery person if I'm not already up.
FlaggRF · 12/11/2021 15:02

Can't you turn the buzzer off?

FlaggRF · 12/11/2021 15:03

I'd turn the buzzer off and ignore her calls.

8am is not acceptable.

Tell her DH was asleep and you were bathing the baby.

Amberflames · 12/11/2021 15:04

Why didn’t you hand her the baby and go back to bed?

CallMeRisley · 12/11/2021 15:07

Would she not have looked after the baby while you had a shower and got ready?