Confident Families

[ShrikeAttack]

My husband was wondering why me and my siblings are unusually confident. I think it was because we were exposed to lots of people from a young age. I think our parents had many and varied friends that were interested in us.

We also lived abroad for any years.

We were all very satisfied. We were all very pleased with ourselves.

Is “unusually confident” a euphemism?

It feels like you posted this too soon. Are you ok OP?

Well we were the recipients of all throws things and none of us are satisfied or very pleased with ourselves. So I doubt it. Maybe it's nature as well as nurture. Maybe you were told how amazing you were at every step so that's become an ingrained belief whether it's true or not?

I'd say I and my siblings are all normally confident, meaning we know when we are aren't so good at something and don't make a big thing about it when we are.

Ooookay...

You do sound unusually pleased with yourself.

Money helps . . .

Errr congrats?

My siblings and I are confident. We had supportive parents so we aren't afraid to try things and fail. We were each helped to find our own individual skills. We were comfortable financially growing up but not loaded, money was budgeted very carefully and we absolutely know the value of it so appreciate it when we earn it ourselves.

My parents had also had their fair share of traumas but were very resilient, I think it helped us feel we could overcome bad things/set backs we faced ourselves as adults.

What is a Confident Family?

Or are you one of those families that is noisy and will take over any space without regards to other human beings in your vicinity?

Parenting is a massive factor in this. My mum wouldn't tolerate "negativity" in any form so I grew up not able to talk about my worries with her. She is still the same now. If she knows there is something happening in my life that is upsetting or worrying she will keep her distance or acts just a bit off to deter me from talking to her about it.
As a result I have terrible coping skills, an assumption that no one will want to listen to my worries, and super low self esteem. Oh and zero confidence 😂

You know without question that your parents, both of them, love you.

I am imagining loud, self-assured and opinionated people who talk more than they listen.

Being confident and being excessively pleased with oneself are different things. The former is a good trait, the second is not.

My DS seems to have an expectation of being listened to and taken account of that I never had as a child. He's quite confident for his age and seems to find it quite easy to make friends. On the other hand, he repeatedly has to be told not to interrupt when I'm talking to other adults and is not always good at considering the needs of others. But he's still very little so hoping this will improve in time.

I find it hard to draw a balance sometimes. I want to raise a child who is not scared of being seen, having preferences and taking up space, but I also want him to extend that courtesy towards others. Also, to recognise that there is a time and a place and sometimes we just have to go with the flow.

Pleased with yourselves? I keep reading this and still can't get what you're getting at...

Well yes, you are very pleased with yourself.

Do you have a brother called Boris, by any chance?

I'm curious what being 'unusually confident' and being 'very pleased with yourselves' actually looks like in practice? Lots of people are quietly self assured and confident so I do wonder how being unusually so manifests itself?

I’d say me and my siblings were fairly confident in life and it’s actually for the exact opposite reasons that you describe. Abusive environment, domestic violence, emotional abuse and only one sane parent who made sure we wouldn’t ever let anyone else bring us down, and made us into the strong people we are today.

Your point, OP? You had a privileged upbringing by the sounds of it, no need to brag about it.

People who are genuinely confident, don't have the need to pronounce themselves as such.

Gliderx - You put that so well, I really agree with you. It’s difficult trying to get that balance, mine are a little older now and I still find it hard.

Well this thread was much funnier than I was expecting. Loving all the replies! Wonder if OP will come back to confidently explain what they are going on about.

I think this is a very interesting subject - I was brought up in Scotland. I have good confidence but there is a strong tall poppy syndrome here. And I also remember being shocked at other parents denigrating their DCs in their and other's hearing (as a way to demonstrate how hard THEIR life was) eg 'he never does a thing he's told', 'she never eats what I cook for her'. It was a way of forming a common bond (aren't our lives hard). But can't have been good for the DCs. Though I wouldn't claim I never did this myself - too long ago now to remember.
I worry that DCs will not have confidence nowadays as parents have their attention on their phones. But perhaps getting validation for yourself, your views, as a child, on social media will increase confidence.
Living abroad - westerners who go abroad aren't going to be cleaners - chances are they are in a well paid, prestigious jobs with nice accommodation - hence boost to confidence.
Lastly schools like Eton - private schooling seems to imbue confidence.

@TheRooom

You do sound unusually pleased with yourself.

My parents had through my dads work a friendship with a self proclaiming 'confident family' in reality they were rude obnoxious twats who's idea that they were confident was they were just nasty and laughed at other people. Like the 14 year old giving my mother 'beauty and fashion advice' 'you know you'd actually look so much better if you wore a bit more make up and looked like you cared about your hair' ..
Her dms then piped up, 'oh Tallulahs just soo confident in herself she wants to just help everyone' (and no that doesn't still annoy me 30 odd years later, can you tell!)