Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

I’m a parent who appreciates this texts. Without them, DC would’ve probably ended up in full uniform on non-uniform days, no money/tinned food contributions, etc

DD1 is in year 10; when she started primart it was newsletter / ad-hoc communication only.

They did improve over the years, including an app which had a calendar so you could check it when you needed.

It sometimes feels like a full time job keeping on top of it, and I am sure you will slip up from time to time (or perhaps not... but I know I do!). I find it helps me feel on top of it by adding stuff to the calendar as soon as I can.

Now I miss the communication from primary - secondary is back to being ad hoc with last minute letters for events they want DCs to attend out of school hours 😕

Teachers - what happens with the kids whose parents ignore all the asks for dress up, pound coins, etc? Are they just constantly left out of everything?

When your younger one starts school make sure DH is listed as the primary contact. We are only able to list one mobile number per child for school texts and it is so much easier now DH gets his share of the messages so we both have to deal with them

[quote Iamnotthe1]@Pumperthepumper
It’s obviously too much if people aren’t reading it. Why not make it once a month? Why not share a calendar instead so parents can check week on week themselves? Why not plan for the year so everyone knows exactly what’s happening and only send one newsletter?

Why continue to do something that so obviously doesn’t work?

Everything is planned for the year and communicated. The issue isn't that things change and parents can't keep track. I've explained why we have to keep sending things - parents blame us when they aren't reminded or forget things or miss things rather than taking that responsibility themselves and making sure that they remember.

It works for the vast majority of parents, which is why it continues. However, some parents are just disorganised and/or unreliable and so, unfortunately, the high level of communication has to happen or the children end up missing out through no fault of their own.[/quote]
I don’t think you’re ever going to please everyone.

People are losing track of the complaint here. It isn’t just the relentless communications. It’s the 30 billion events.

I am at breaking point today. Just found out there are not one but two bake sales in the next fortnight. 2 dc means doing 4 lots of cakes, all on different days by class. Plus dressing up for Children in Need. Plus donations. This is for one single week. Before half term, there were 12 different dress-up days, donations and ‘events’ in a single week. I mean … wtf.

Eldest has just informed me they need cereal boxes soon “but they have to be about A4 size”. I need a PA.

@julieca

Teachers - what happens with the kids whose parents ignore all the asks for dress up, pound coins, etc? Are they just constantly left out of everything?

They are left out of things that their parents have chosen not to involve them in but these things are purely surface level.

No-one misses out on a special treat because they forgot to bring a coin when fundraising for charity. Equally, those without a World Book Day costume don't miss the events of the day, just the dressing up aspect.

@Iamnotthe1 makes me sad for those kids. They know they are the odd ones out.

@minkfondant

People are losing track of the complaint here. It isn’t just the relentless communications. It’s the 30 billion events.

I am at breaking point today. Just found out there are not one but two bake sales in the next fortnight. 2 dc means doing 4 lots of cakes, all on different days by class. Plus dressing up for Children in Need. Plus donations. This is for one single week. Before half term, there were 12 different dress-up days, donations and ‘events’ in a single week. I mean … wtf.

Eldest has just informed me they need cereal boxes soon “but they have to be about A4 size”. I need a PA.

Speak to the school about it then and explain that you feel the number of events isn't sustainable. They'll happily reduce them (less stress for them).

However, that'll only last until another parent complains that the school staff are all miserable buggers because they don't get involved in x, y and z that the school down the road do. Then the number of events will rise again.

Ah, BUT…
From the other side, the reason the teachers (spend our precious time) bombarding you with stuff is because some parents need all the reminders they get and then some. No reminder about Saxon Day - guess who is scrabbling around the costume store looking for costumes for six children during break time! No reminder about Pringle tubes - guess who has to pop down to the shop to spend her money (and scoff the Pringles) so little Tabitha isn’t sitting crying as her friends are making the Leaning Tower of Pisa! No reminder about trainers for the school trip and four children turn up in normal shoes, subsequently slipping and falling, meaning more work filling in accident forms for guess who! Not all parents are as organised as some of you posters. Their children suffer if reminders aren’t sent and so do the teachers.

I am being facetious but for every 25 children with parents who don’t need reminders, you will find 5 who do. If you know you’re organised, just turn off notifications or ignore the emails. I get what you mean about demands for cash though. That would be annoying.

[quote julieca]@Iamnotthe1 makes me sad for those kids. They know they are the odd ones out.[/quote]
It is really sad. We keep extra bits and pieces so that we can help them to feel more included. For example, tinsel and paper stars can quickly transform a plain or school jumper into a Christmas jumper. A pair of cat ears and a sword quickly makes a Puss in Boots for World Book Day etc.

Schools can’t win.
It’s never right for everyone.
Too much communication/not enough communication.
To many things going on/they’re not doing enough with my child/ there’s not enough opportunities to share in my child’s education…..
My child needs a staggered start as they’ve never left home before/ I need my child in full time because I have a job.
The more I work in education the more I know this to be true. There’s always going to be some parent moaning about the way their school does things somewhere.
And the multiple emails and different ways of sending home information are for the benefit of the same 5 families who still turn up claiming they knew nothing about it and why didn’t we tell them…..

@minkfondant

People are losing track of the complaint here. It isn’t just the relentless communications. It’s the 30 billion events.

I am at breaking point today. Just found out there are not one but two bake sales in the next fortnight. 2 dc means doing 4 lots of cakes, all on different days by class. Plus dressing up for Children in Need. Plus donations. This is for one single week. Before half term, there were 12 different dress-up days, donations and ‘events’ in a single week. I mean … wtf.

Eldest has just informed me they need cereal boxes soon “but they have to be about A4 size”. I need a PA.

We’d happily stop but parents complain if we don’t organise things. We genuinely can’t win. All I will say is it is easier not doing bake sales, Space Day, Odd Sock Day and so on. Perhaps we need a coalition of grumpy, knackered teachers and grumpy, knackered parents to limit the ‘fun’? An alternative PTA, if you will.

I like the communication from the schools. Yes they set it out at the start of the year but things change. I work full time and it takes seconds to read a text or similar so don't see the issue. For the apps with tasks on etc again a minute or two to check your child has completed assignments, handed in and to know what sports fixtures there are.

Oh yes they are happy to constantly message on multiple platforms when they want money but actual useful information like which clubs are on and how to sign up are a footnote hidden amongst a load of fliers. Or in foundation I didn't realise for the whole year that I was meant to get the reading books from the baskets and read these to with my child. I presume they just assume everyone knows how schools work. A how to guide for new parents would be useful.

@Iamnotthe1 its good if the teachers do try and include them.
I remember at 5 years old going to school and we were taken to church for a Harvest Festival. Other kids had brought things but I had nothing. My mum would have given me something, so I don't know if she forgot or simply could not afford it - we were properly poor. I remember standing there with my sister watching other kids place tins etc by the altar. and feeling out of place and confused. And then a stranger gave me and my sister a big basket of fruit to take up and place. I was so happy as other kids watched us place this large basket by their tins.
These things do matter to small kids and I do worry that the sheer number of these things now makes the most disadvantaged and vulnerable kids feel even worse.

All schools are totally OTT and generally believe mums don’t work!!! The never ending assemblies, dress up days, bring a jar of sweets in days, come and view the kids art project days… it never ends and is a nightmare for working parents!!!

Schools can’t win! There’s those who whinge they get too much comms and those who whinge they don’t know what’s going on!
You do t have to read it all straight away.
I often skim it then check details closer to the time of the event, or whatever.
But no- it doesn’t end so get used to it.
Your issue is that you’re the one doing it all - why don’t you put DH as the contact?

@Smartiepants79

Schools can’t win. It’s never right for everyone. Too much communication/not enough communication. To many things going on/they’re not doing enough with my child/ there’s not enough opportunities to share in my child’s education….. My child needs a staggered start as they’ve never left home before/ I need my child in full time because I have a job. The more I work in education the more I know this to be true. There’s always going to be some parent moaning about the way their school does things somewhere. And the multiple emails and different ways of sending home information are for the benefit of the same 5 families who still turn up claiming they knew nothing about it and why didn’t we tell them…..

This actually makes me more annoyed 25 of us are suffering because 5 can't get their arse in gear and pay attention. And never will because schools are enabling them. Actually, I'm much more likely to miss things with the overwhelm of info. Just missed the flu jab registration (5pm cut off today) which we had an untitled email about a week ago, along with several other emails and texts on the same day. Feeling pretty shitty about it, but I did actually do the consent once but the date was changed and had to be done again! Details about cut off time not included in the email!

So despite usually being an organised person and actually reading the various texts and emails I still managed to miss the one thing that's important.

Even if they included a title in their emails, or set them to all go out at the same time of day. Some sort of order.

The more I think about it the more unreasonable I realise I'm being. Because actually, I should just ask the school if they could possibly change anything. Offer help, like I need anything else to do - but prob save me time and stress over the years if I did (I deal with 'processes' at work that cover stuff like this).

The frustrating thing for me is thry have no perspective of what's important. I also have a reception school child. We are 2 months into school and:

• the promised parent session on phonics and maths so we can actually supoort the children hasnt materialised. This was supposed to be late September.
• tapestry so we can see what the children actually do and learn, which was supposed to be ready at the stsrt of term, hasnt materialised.
• we've had zero feedback on the baseline assessment.
• the promised parents evening is several weeks late
• a performance the class were meant to give yo parents was cancelled at short notice, and will ve rescheduled, maybe... Leaving kids prepped and with costumes, but let down.

But we do get communications about peripheral matters like asking for money, fundraising tuck shops, costume days, and changes to the school menu that aren't even right.

If they actually gave us the information they promised about our children's education then I wouldnt mind, but finding out what they actually do is like getting blood out of a stone.

@BustopherPonsonbyJones and @Iamnotthe1 this is part of the problem though - why are you planning so many lesson that need parental input? Loads of people don’t have the money to buy Pringles just so you can use the tube in your lesson. Loads and loads of people don’t have the time to make a cobbled together homemade costume (that will look shite against the Elsas and the Harry Potters anyway). It’s too big an ask.

we've had zero feedback on the baseline assessment

I can't speak to the other things but, with the Reception baseline assessment, there is no expectation to share the narratives generated with the parents. There's no formal reporting structure or requirement. They are essentially only being used by the DfE to generate targets for Y6 for those children.

However, if a parent requests their individual child's data, the school should share this with you.

[quote Pumperthepumper]**@BustopherPonsonbyJones* and @Iamnotthe1* this is part of the problem though - why are you planning so many lesson that need parental input? Loads of people don’t have the money to buy Pringles just so you can use the tube in your lesson. Loads and loads of people don’t have the time to make a cobbled together homemade costume (that will look shite against the Elsas and the Harry Potters anyway). It’s too big an ask.[/quote]
I'm not talking about things like this. I'm talking about key things like swimming lessons, flu jabs, secondary school applications, residential information, parents' evenings, cycling proficiency, etc.

YANBU. I even get two parentmails about same topic sometimes, if the receptionist has made a typo or not proof read properly so got the price or date wrong (helpful- not). It’s absolutely infuriating. My phone is constantly binging with messages too.
I think people who disagree haven’t experienced it.

I work in a school - not the office - and honestly sometimes it feels like you can't win! If you don't send out reminders people forget and complain. I'm so fed up of seeing parents complain about the school on Facebook.
Sometimes it is so demoralising when you work so hard but for such little pay. I am a TA. No school is perfect but Ofsted makes the job a lot harder and in my school I see how hard the staff work and how commited they are.
I am also a parent of three school age kids and work full time. So I do understand how much communication gets thrown out but actually I am glad of it. I would never remember it all otherwise.
Also, to the poster that said teachers became frosty when she worked full time - I find that very hard to believe. Lots of teachers are also mums and work full time! I dont know a single teacher who expects mums to be at home full time.