Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

@Iamnotthe1 you suggested a quick and easy costume for world book day.

What’s included in the ‘etc’ part of that? No emails about bake sales, flooding in the staff car park, broken street light outside the school, janitor shortages, school disco dates, celebration days, charity events, Christmas jumper days, Daily Mile updates…….(all of these are emails I’ve had from my kids’ schools).

Oh just wait till the homework starts too!! My child is in yr2 of primary and the amount of homework is unreal

I’d be very happy if we had a simple system of dates sent in advance and reminders closer to the time. That would be great.

It’s the arbitrary mish-mash of emails arriving at all times of day, often hearing about things for the first time a few days in advance. Occasionally for no obvious reason communiques come home in bookbags. It’s just chaotic.

Drives me insane and it's got much worse since covid.

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Iamnotthe1 you suggested a quick and easy costume for world book day.

What’s included in the ‘etc’ part of that? No emails about bake sales, flooding in the staff car park, broken street light outside the school, janitor shortages, school disco dates, celebration days, charity events, Christmas jumper days, Daily Mile updates…….(all of these are emails I’ve had from my kids’ schools).[/quote]
I was referring to the bring pringles / cereal boxes / newspaper etc. messages.

World Book Day gets a reminder telling parents that they can choose for their child to dress up for that day. Some kids do, some kids don't but wish they had, some kids don't and don't care.

That etc. includes things that are relevant for the parents to know as they directly affect their kids. So the fact that school dinners are changing and there's a new menu - yes. The fact the PTA have arranged a disco - yes. Bizarre messages about a janitor - no.

I'm not saying that getting messages isn't annoying. But if parents want schools to be fun and vibrant places where their children love to be with all the varied and interesting things that go on there then the pay off is messages reminding you about those things.

If parents aren't willing to have that then please tell the school that, as a collective, you want fewer events / celebrations / parental involvement. Schools would genuinely be over the moon about that. But then don't moan that the school doesn't do anything fun / are miserable and that your child would be happier at X school where they do A, B and C.

I don’t think it’s a choice between no events at all or fifteen thousand emails about nothing. I think it’s a responsibility of the school, if they put on an event, to make it as school-focused as possible. Why do we have world book day dress ups? Why not have book-day themed events throughout the day instead?

I'm always wryly amused by this - not at your expense but, as a former secondary headteacher, how much involvement primary parents are expected to have these days.

I'll also add that I went to primary school after Easter before my 5th birthday which was in June - this was 1963. My mother took me on my first day and thereafter, I went with my friend Ruth who lived across the road and who had started the previous January; we went in tandem to school every single day until we were 16, whereupon she left and went to art college.

My mother never showed up to school again apart from (1) prize-giving at the end of my Y3, because I got a prize and then for the same event at the end of my Y6 (ditto with the prize). There were no parents' meetings, parents were not invited to sports days, etc. and weren't especially encouraged tot he Xmas nativity at junior school unless their child had a specific role in it.

You poor parents these days have my sympathy!

I don't understand why anyone needs to by costumes for dress up days, reuse what you have, cut up an old dress, bed sheet, etc. I don't sew, but there's no need to by plastic crap costumes that get thrown away, yes it's a pain if you forget by it takes 10 mins digging around to put something together.

Yep, I think this is just part of being a parent. You’re expected to engage with the school and be part of the school community, surely. In the 80s it was letters stuffed into school bags, now it’s just lots of emails instead.

@Pumperthepumper

I don’t think it’s a choice between no events at all or fifteen thousand emails about nothing. I think it’s a responsibility of the school, if they put on an event, to make it as school-focused as possible. Why do we have world book day dress ups? Why not have book-day themed events throughout the day instead?

Why bother dressing up for Halloween and trick and treating? Why not just read a scary story and eat your own sweets?

There's an option to dress up because the kids enjoy it and it creates motivation and engagement around reading.

You lose me here with your argument as it seems to be that you want schools to do things and put on events for kids but only if parents don't have to bother doing anything in connection with them.

Why bother dressing up for Halloween and trick and treating? Why not just read a scary story and eat your own sweets?

Because that’s a parental decision - they understand that to take part in that event, they have to organise it all.

There's an option to dress up because the kids enjoy it and it creates motivation and engagement around reading.

No, some kids enjoy it. The kids who’s parents forget, or can’t be arsed or are too drunk to bother absolutely don’t enjoy it. Please explain to me how dressing up for world book day creates enjoyment around reading. It doesn’t, it creates enjoyment around wearing a Spider-Man costume (£15 from Asda) for the lucky kids who have parents with spare cash, energy, time or engagement.

You lose me here with your argument as it seems to be that you want schools to do things and put on events for kids but only if parents don't have to bother doing anything in connection with them.

Yes, I think school events should be organised entirely by the school. If you want to make a rocket out of Pringles tubes for your expressive arts tickbox, be prepared to eat thirty tubes of Pringles yourself.

Whose.

To be fair as someone who works in a school, we don’t want to have this amount of work to do either but due to a usually a small minority of parents we have to repeat on multiple platforms or else face abuse that “they never got a message”

I don't understand why anyone needs to by costumes for dress up days, reuse what you have, cut up an old dress, bed sheet, etc. I don't sew, but there's no need to by plastic crap costumes that get thrown away, yes it's a pain if you forget by it takes 10 mins digging around to put something together.

Our school used to come up with "just use an old sheet" on Greek/roman day (which was always on a freezing day) They never gave instructions on how to fashion a costume from said sheet (that of course everyone had floating about for such a purpose!) that was warm or comfortable enough for an 8 year old to wear for an entire day if they wanted to move/go to the loo etc....and not everyone does have an old dress or sheet (and it doesn't often take 10 min)
I used to make costumes when I worked pt and often sourced bits and pieces from charity shops but it took way longer than 10 min!! The ones that did take minimal time and effort were usually falling apart by lunchtime

@SnowLoverSnowFun

Oh just wait till the homework starts too!! My child is in yr2 of primary and the amount of homework is unreal

Again, school can’t win this one either. I’ve had several parents evening conversations wondering why their yr 2 child didn’t seem to have enough homework.

Yes and parents can choose for their kid to dress up for WBD or not. It's not compulsary.

Dressing up can lead to increased engagement. It's all about how you do it. Kids come in outfits, share the source book or inspiration, blether about it, etc. This aids in developing enthusiasm for reading and the community of readers in your classroom. Both of these contribute to increasing the chance of children becoming people who read for pleasure.

But we clearly have a fundamental difference of opinion here. Sending a child to school does not mean that parents shouldn't be involved in their child's schooling. Sometimes this is supporting learning or engagement and other times this is supporting the fundraising arm of the PTA (if possible). Honestly, I just can't see how keeping on top of messages that relate to your child and your child's school is too much to ask.

@Pumperthepumper

I don’t think it’s a choice between no events at all or fifteen thousand emails about nothing. I think it’s a responsibility of the school, if they put on an event, to make it as school-focused as possible. Why do we have world book day dress ups? Why not have book-day themed events throughout the day instead?

That’s exactly what our schools do. Themed activities throughout the day…. And dressing up! We always make sure that any child who hasn’t got a costume is found one from the school dressing up collection.

@Iamnotthe1

Yes and parents can choose for their kid to dress up for WBD or not. It's not compulsary.

Dressing up can lead to increased engagement. It's all about how you do it. Kids come in outfits, share the source book or inspiration, blether about it, etc. This aids in developing enthusiasm for reading and the community of readers in your classroom. Both of these contribute to increasing the chance of children becoming people who read for pleasure.

But we clearly have a fundamental difference of opinion here. Sending a child to school does not mean that parents shouldn't be involved in their child's schooling. Sometimes this is supporting learning or engagement and other times this is supporting the fundraising arm of the PTA (if possible). Honestly, I just can't see how keeping on top of messages that relate to your child and your child's school is too much to ask.

No; they can opt their kid out of an event someone else wants to run or they can opt in and have the grief that goes with that.

We’re going to have to agree to disagree that a £15 Spider-Man costume from Asda makes you a more engaged reader.

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what ‘parental involvement’ means. It means reading with them, understanding their curriculum, having a relationship with the school to fix issues like bullying. It absolutely does not mean: you must be totally happy about every whim the school has or you’re a terrible parent.

Not a misunderstanding; a disagreement. Parental involvement is bigger than just reading and speaking to the school about bullies. It's not about labelling someone as a terrible parent and you're the only one talking in extremes like that.

It is just too much parental homework. It really is. God knows how anyone with more than two primary DC copes.

And the many neurodiverse children find endless themed days and non-uniform days stressful. Our school says it’s inclusive and welcoming to all, but honestly my ASD children would have preferred the day-in-day-out sameness of my own school years.

@Iamnotthe1

Not a misunderstanding; a disagreement. Parental involvement is bigger than just reading and speaking to the school about bullies. It's not about labelling someone as a terrible parent and you're the only one talking in extremes like that.

Such as?

What do you call the parents who don’t contribute to bake sales, world book day, charity events and so on? Engaged?

My kids are in 6th form and I still have this. Constant messages about inane things. They're 16, why on earth do they need permission slips to leave school for an activity when they can come and go as they please. Why send a bloody text to say you've sent an email?!?!

DS' school just uses ClassDoJo and when he started reception last year it was one half day then full time 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ImperialQueenofMoo

My kids are in 6th form and I still have this. Constant messages about inane things. They're 16, why on earth do they need permission slips to leave school for an activity when they can come and go as they please. Why send a bloody text to say you've sent an email?!?!

I would just delete it for that age group. Your kids are old enough to ask you things you need to sign.

Are you asking for examples of parental involvement?

• regular reading,
• supporting homework (younger children),
• addressing behavioural concerns when highlighted,
• supporting children towards educational targets raised during parental consultations,
• supporting child's involvement in the wider life of the school where possible,
• attending, where possible, events, celebrations and information sessions for parents,
• contributing, where possible, to PTA fundraising in order to improvement opportunities for their kid,

Etc.

I don't call them anything. If you honestly think I've got time during the school day to bitch about parents who decide not to sort a costume out, you seriously underestimate how much work there is to do.