Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

@Iamnotthe1

Pumperthepumper But we aren't talking about relatively rare cases of people with processing disorders etc. for whom a wide range of parental responsibilities will be difficult. Schools will also typically do more with these parents in order to support them; every school I've worked in certainly has.

If a busy person has 5 hours to spend on school admin then they weren't actually busy to begin with as they wouldn't be able to do it if they were so that doesn't make any sense.

The harsh reality is that a number of the people who moan about the messages as the same people who need them to keep them organised. The same people who moan about the number of events are the same people who would call the staff a set of miserable buggers if they didn't put them on.

If schools know about the problems, they generally do what they can to help out. But many, many people have issues they don’t communicate with schools. These things aren’t rare, they’re just not shared.

If a busy person has 5 hours to spend on school admin then they weren't actually busy to begin with as they wouldn't be able to do it if they were so that doesn't make any sense.

The harsh reality is that a number of the people who moan about the messages as the same people who need them to keep them organised.

So which is it? People are lazy, or they need a better system to stay organised?

The same people who moan about the number of events are the same people who would call the staff a set of miserable buggers if they didn't put them on.

This is in your head.

Pumperthepumper
So which is it? People are lazy, or they need a better system to stay organised?
Having a better organisational system means that the responsibility of managing your child's schooling becomes less of a task meaning that you have to spend less time and effort on it. So it would work for people in both those scenarios.

Believe me, I'd LOVE to send fewer messages and to just say that parents should manage themselves using the information readily available in the newsletter. Some parents do this brilliantly. But some don't and need the emails, texts and, for some parents, individual phone calls. Without them, their child would miss out and then they'd be the first parents to complain.

This is in your head.

Definitely not in my head. When we were forced to reduce our extra curricular offering due to Covid restrictions, some of our parents made their unhappiness and disagreement very, very clear.

@Iamnotthe1

Pumperthepumper So which is it? People are lazy, or they need a better system to stay organised? Having a better organisational system means that the responsibility of managing your child's schooling becomes less of a task meaning that you have to spend less time and effort on it. So it would work for people in both those scenarios.

Believe me, I'd LOVE to send fewer messages and to just say that parents should manage themselves using the information readily available in the newsletter. Some parents do this brilliantly. But some don't and need the emails, texts and, for some parents, individual phone calls. Without them, their child would miss out and then they'd be the first parents to complain.

This is in your head.

Definitely not in my head. When we were forced to reduce our extra curricular offering due to Covid restrictions, some of our parents made their unhappiness and disagreement very, very clear.

Vote with your feet then; send one newsletter and leave it at that. If you’re doing your job based on pleasing absolutely everyone then you’re fighting a losing battle anyway. And if the newsletter has absolutely everything in it, they’ll manage fine.

People either don’t have time, or they can’t be arsed. If they don’t have time, the school should back off. If they can’t be arsed, the kid loses out anyway, and therefore the school should back off.

If they can’t be arsed, the kid loses out anyway, and therefore the school should back off.

Except that's the whole point. The school doesn't back off so that the children of these parents don't lose out.

@Iamnotthe1

If they can’t be arsed, the kid loses out anyway, and therefore the school should back off.

Except that's the whole point. The school doesn't back off so that the children of these parents don't lose out.

So what’s the problem? No kid is losing out, what’s the issue?

I don't think there really is an issue. But the parents on this thread are saying that the level of contact needed to ensure these kids don't miss out is too much for them. So they do see it as an issue.

@Iamnotthe1

I don't think there really is an issue. But the parents on this thread are saying that the level of contact needed to ensure these kids don't miss out is too much for them. So they do see it as an issue.

Because it is.

Although not at your school, where you send out endless information, still support the parents who ignore it, and still support the kids who have parents who don’t care.

I was very lucky, my oldest hated those dress up/wear red days. Utterly refused to do it, and, as my youngest didn't know any better, he wasn't bother either. I used to get the odd question from strange people who thought they needed to know why my boys were not wearing a batman/spiderman suit. I just explained it was their choice, that as they don't have very many choices about school anyway I wasn't going to "gee" them up to participate.

But the email/text/newsletter/app to pay for this/app to send a message about that and the constant reminders from the school about this, is totally ridiculous. I have always joked that being my boys P.A was a full time job.

It's the money thing that really gets my goat though. It's just constant. Charities would get fined if they made these sort of requests on such a regular basis. I just feel sorry for the parents who are on fixed incomes who think that if they can't contribute they are failing their kid in some way! Who needs that sort of mental pressure!

It does get easier in high school though, they seem to understand that constant electronic bombardment is a no no and requests for money is even worse.

It's an issue to you personally. Doesn't mean it is to everyone else.

Of course we deal with it when messages are ignored and support the kids in those situations - how could we not? It's part of our role as a school!

That doesn't mean that some of our parents won't see the level of communication as an issue for them personally. The majority appreciate it but you can't make everyone happy, particularly when some are determined to be unhappy regardless.

@Iamnotthe1

It's an issue to you personally. Doesn't mean it is to everyone else.

Of course we deal with it when messages are ignored and support the kids in those situations - how could we not? It's part of our role as a school!

That doesn't mean that some of our parents won't see the level of communication as an issue for them personally. The majority appreciate it but you can't make everyone happy, particularly when some are determined to be unhappy regardless.

It’s not just an issue to me personally - it’s overwhelmingly a failure by schools to communicate effectively, or to be inclusive.

And it’s obviously an issue for you too, because you said you’d love to send out less information. Why not vote with your feet then? You already have processes in place to support the children who miss out, why not do that?

You already have processes in place to support the children who miss out, why not do that?

Because if we stopping communicating at this level, the number of children missing out would increase and we'd no longer be able to balance that out.

it’s overwhelmingly a failure by schools to communicate effectively

It's interesting that this is what you come back to rather than it being an organisational failure on the part of the parent. I'd argue that a system that works for the majority is relatively effective.

@Iamnotthe1

You already have processes in place to support the children who miss out, why not do that?

Because if we stopping communicating at this level, the number of children missing out would increase and we'd no longer be able to balance that out.

it’s overwhelmingly a failure by schools to communicate effectively

It's interesting that this is what you come back to rather than it being an organisational failure on the part of the parent. I'd argue that a system that works for the majority is relatively effective.

How can it be if it means people are still missing out? I’ve already explained all the reasons parents might not be able to process the many, many different forms of communication - of your newsletter has everything in it, why not just use that?

And if so many children are then going to miss out, that’s the fault of the school for having too many opportunities for that to happen.

And if so many children are then going to miss out, that’s the fault of the school for having too many opportunities for that to happen.

Ah. So parental responsibility doesn't factor then. I think we may just have to agree to disagree if it's a difference of opinion on something as fundamental as that.

@Iamnotthe1

And if so many children are then going to miss out, that’s the fault of the school for having too many opportunities for that to happen.

Ah. So parental responsibility doesn't factor then. I think we may just have to agree to disagree if it's a difference of opinion on something as fundamental as that.

I’m going by your posts: if your newsletter really does contain all the information parents needs, there’s no need for anything else. And if stopping sending out loads of information means kids will miss out, the school is doing too much.

@22Iamnotthe1 have you actually done a proper survey of the parents and determined that the "majority" want to receive this many comms from your school? From your posts, it sounds like you do whatever is necessary to appease a vocal/activist minority of parents. A short online poll might reveal that the less vocal majority would, infact, prefer far less contact.

YANBU

I thought at it would get easier but no still have to be on top of so much even at secondary school

No dressing up or art projects now

I’m going by your posts: if your newsletter really does contain all the information parents needs, there’s no need for anything else. And if stopping sending out loads of information means kids will miss out, the school is doing too much.

Or some parents just aren't bothering to do their part and, instead of keeping themselves organised, have abdicated that to the school instead. Because the school steps up to ensure the kids don't miss out, those specific parents have become infantalised over time and so now don't see the reason to take that responsibility of being organised.

So I guess it is the school's fault and that we should just care less and allow some of the parents to fall on their faces in order to ensure they learn from that for the future.

[quote Latecomer131]@22Iamnotthe1 have you actually done a proper survey of the parents and determined that the "majority" want to receive this many comms from your school? From your posts, it sounds like you do whatever is necessary to appease a vocal/activist minority of parents. A short online poll might reveal that the less vocal majority would, infact, prefer far less contact.[/quote]
Yeah, it's part of our annual parental survey.

@Iamnotthe1

I’m going by your posts: if your newsletter really does contain all the information parents needs, there’s no need for anything else. And if stopping sending out loads of information means kids will miss out, the school is doing too much.

Or some parents just aren't bothering to do their part and, instead of keeping themselves organised, have abdicated that to the school instead. Because the school steps up to ensure the kids don't miss out, those specific parents have become infantalised over time and so now don't see the reason to take that responsibility of being organised.

So I guess it is the school's fault and that we should just care less and allow some of the parents to fall on their faces in order to ensure they learn from that for the future.

It is the school’s fault; they are organising activities they know children could be left out of.

So schools should organise nothing then because regardless of whether it's a dress up day, parents' evening, nativity, residential, information evening, school trip, photographs, flu jabs, etc. there are always at least 2 to 5 parents per class that chasing on an individual basis.

The only way to deal with this is to stop doing everything otherwise there will always be a child who misses out.

that need chasing*

@Iamnotthe1

So schools should organise nothing then because regardless of whether it's a dress up day, parents' evening, nativity, residential, information evening, school trip, photographs, flu jabs, etc. there are always at least 2 to 5 parents per class that chasing on an individual basis.

The only way to deal with this is to stop doing everything otherwise there will always be a child who misses out.

Yes - they should organise nothing they aren’t prepared to facilitate.

Because everything is in the newsletter, it should all work out fine.

If schools don't do anything, parents moan cos their friend's school does loads of stuff for the kids but theirs.

Plus the kids love dressing up/Xmas fayre/summer fete etc.

But yes can be too much.

But not theirs

Ah well your kids will be grown up soon and all that pesky communication from people trying to educate them will stop