Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

I think it was less of a dig, more an observation. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe schools should start communicating through mumsnet, everyone seems to fit that in

Even teachers

@WildExcuses

I think it was less of a dig, more an observation. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hmmm maybe but the time of previous posts made me think it was more a of dig 🤷🏼‍♀️

It frequently gets said on threads like this.

It frequently gets said on threads like this.

I’m sure it does. It’s to be expected if people are going to complain that they don’t have time for things regarding their children but are then posting a lot on forums/social media.

Most teachers and school staff are doing their best but it’ll never be good enough. People just like to whinge.

@WildExcuses

It frequently gets said on threads like this.

I’m sure it does. It’s to be expected if people are going to complain that they don’t have time for things regarding their children but are then posting a lot on forums/social media.

Most teachers and school staff are doing their best but it’ll never be good enough. People just like to whinge.

But people aren't complaining about teachers...

I've worked in and with schools for years and I'm a school governor. I know how hard teachers works and what a challenging profession it is. However, that doesn't mean that all schools are being run perfectly and parents have a right to discuss elements that don't work well /make life difficult.

In my experience many schools aren't set up to work effectively for families with two working parents or single parents who work.

Comments that state people weren't forced to have children and work are a tad ridiculous because most families need two incomes just to survive.

Yanbu. I was a sahm when mine started school and it was even a struggle for me to keep on top of this crap. They are now at senior school and there is still so much rubbish. They used to have a single form for trips signed at the beginning of the year which I always signed. Now they are asking for individual permissions for each trip. But they don’t let you know when this is due, you have to check the parent site. Obviously though, a form is only required when it suits. On Tuesday Dd was asked to attend a netball match at another school today travelling on the coach from school. I told them that she couldn’t possibly as I hadn’t received the form to grant permission (obviously she didn’t actually want to go, if she did I would have allowed it). I sometimes think they think we have nothing bloody better to do than fill out online forms.

As for not emailing/texting dh, they have finally added him as an actual proper contact last year, 10 years after I first asked. Now he understands why I am constantly annoyed.

Yanbu, my DC are teens and every school they've been to has had a multitude of systems, its a shit part of parenting!

@WildExcuses

It frequently gets said on threads like this.

I’m sure it does. It’s to be expected if people are going to complain that they don’t have time for things regarding their children but are then posting a lot on forums/social media.

Most teachers and school staff are doing their best but it’ll never be good enough. People just like to whinge.

It’s because social media is infinitely more interesting than proposed parking changes to the school staff car park, which has been sent as an attachment in an email with no subject heading, as part of a series of eight emails on a similar theme over the course of the week.

It’s because social media is infinitely more interesting than proposed parking changes to the school staff car park, which has been sent as an attachment in an email with no subject heading, as part of a series of eight emails on a similar theme over the course of the week.

I’d spend seconds skim reading them and go back to what I was doing.

People are being dramatic to say it’s like having a part time job or they spend an hour a day on school admin.

Pumperthepumper

But you can just ignore stuff like that. It doesn’t take much time at all.

Perhaps you could make a written suggestion to the school that they only use one platform to contact parents. Ask other parents if they would begin support of this and perhaps you could all write letters in support of this. Unless people complain they will just carry on .

Definitely YANBU. It’s fucking relentless, the tone is patronisingly didactic and there is an unspoken assumption that there are two parents and mum is at home full time, poised to read through every dense and poorly written piece of comms to fish out the actual relevant bits.

They also use a LOT of Comic Sans.

People pasting the same shit from other places into groups, unprompted, is almost psychotically smug.

It’s torture, I am on your side.

@WildExcuses

Pumperthepumper

But you can just ignore stuff like that. It doesn’t take much time at all.

How do I know I can ignore it? There’s nothing in the subject heading. How do I separate the very little amount of important information from the huge swathes of irrelevance?

In my experience many schools aren't set up to work effectively for families with two working parents or single parents who work.

This exactly.

Every thread like this is interpreted as a dig at teachers, but its really not, its about the way schools are organised.

No one is saying teachers don't do a good job or that they don't deserve respect or down time. I have huge respect for teachers. People are simply saying that the ways schools are managed makes them very challenging for people who work FT hours. And particularly for women who work as the vast majority of this tends to fall to them.

The whole infrastructure of school is very demanding for working parents. For families where both parents work or single parent families its a nightmare. Staying on top of the admin, organising childcare around pick-ups and school related stuff is a whole other PT job on top of the two other FT jobs parents already have (in their job and as parents).

Maybe this isn't surprising as schools were originally primarily designed for wealthy and well to do boys (its only really in the past 100 years that working and middle class boys and any girls at all have been educated beyond primary) and until fairly recently a lot of middle class women didn't work outside the home. The school system seems to have been designed for a post-war world with a FT working dad and a mum who was basically at home most of the time and it probably never crossed the minds of the people who planned postwar education that so many women would have to work outside the home. Although teaching has changed hugely with various political winds, the actual school infrastructure hasn't really evolved much beyond this.

It's a structural problem, not a problem with teachers or their work. It's hard to see how it could be radically changed at the moment without being very disruptive to all concerned. But I do think it would be helpful to think about how it can be made more manageable.

How do I know I can ignore it? There’s nothing in the subject heading. How do I separate the very little amount of important information from the huge swathes of irrelevance?

Skim over it for a few seconds. I do it all the time.

@thepeopleversuswork

Agree.

The ironic thing is that even in my own life time I'm sure that
a) far more women work
b) there is far more "stuff " and thus the need to communicate with parents than there was in the 80s/90s.

Just as an easy example - the nit nurse used to come to school and have a look through everyones hair..., (rightly or wrongly) im pretty sure my parents did not have to sign a consent form every time.

There were nowhere near the same number of charity days involving dressing up, wearing a certain colour or wearing Xmas jumpers. We had mufti day once or twice a year iirc and comic reliefs, or children in need but I'm not even sure there was a letter home about those.

We definitely didn't get a 20 page weekly newsletter to take home from high school in the 1990s - the poor photo copier would have probably combusted!

I definitely think my own children's education has been more varied and had a lot more going on than mine - we definitely didn't have people building pyramids in the school hall , or companies bringing in creepy crawlies including a tarantula thank god for us to hold. We made a Christmas card for our parents, but there wasn't the opportunity to buy packs of our own design.
..but all these do involve more admin.

@WildExcuses

How do I know I can ignore it? There’s nothing in the subject heading. How do I separate the very little amount of important information from the huge swathes of irrelevance?

Skim over it for a few seconds. I do it all the time.

You probably do do it all the time - schools send too many emails.

Staying on top of the admin, organising childcare around pick-ups and school related stuff is a whole other PT job on top of the two other FT jobs parents already have (in their job and as parents).

It's not an additional part time job. It's a key part of the parenting job. Ensuring that there is someone available to look after your child and being involved in their education shouldn't be considered "extra".

What exactly are schools doing that show that they don't consider working parents? Every time we have something parents have to attend (parents evening / residential information sessions / etc.) our school staff end up staying late into the evening (unpaid, again) specifically so working parents can attend. Surely that's showing how working parents are considered.

You probably do do it all the time - schools send too many emails.

My kids aren’t at primary school so no, I don’t mean for school. I mean for other emails, letters etc.

@WildExcuses

You probably do do it all the time - schools send too many emails.

My kids aren’t at primary school so no, I don’t mean for school. I mean for other emails, letters etc.

So your advice is to acknowledge it before ignoring it? Great, thanks.

@julieca

Teachers - what happens with the kids whose parents ignore all the asks for dress up, pound coins, etc? Are they just constantly left out of everything?

Sadly yes unless we have something in. We don't have the means to fill the gap for those who can't be bothered.

…..or for those who don’t have the means.

So your advice is to acknowledge it before ignoring it? Great, thanks.

It takes a few seconds to realise it’s not relevant.

@WildExcuses

So your advice is to acknowledge it before ignoring it? Great, thanks.

It takes a few seconds to realise it’s not relevant.

But by that point I’ve wasted valuable seconds opening it and reading it.

The issue here seems to be that you need to organise yourself better.

You say you missed the cut off time for flu jab consent that you had an email about. Well you've either seen the email and ignored the request for action or not opened the email at all. Both are down to you.

My DDs school is like this. It's very overwhelming, I do agree. However, I use a weekly family planner to note everything down and keep track. Have you tried that?