Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

Yes, it is like this unfortunately. I have 3 in 3 schools and trying to stay on top of all the information is insane. When things slip, it stresses me out. Wait until your children get to secondary school - mine are working on over 20 different online platforms that as parents we are supposed to be keeping up with!

I feel your pain! I have 5 children in 3 different schools and it’s constant to the point I have to start ignoring them for my mental health and then of course I miss important information. I’m a single parent so I’m responsible for everything on a full time basis. It’s just too much. I would prefer a letter sent home! Some texts come through at 6am, some on a Sunday, some at 8pm on a Friday night. Are we allowed any personal or family time?!

@BlueTuesday20

Clearly the school is crap at communications. Is it any good though? I'd worry that a head who cannot control external comms has zero idea of what is going in internally!

From what I can see in the limited time my daughter has been there (and from other parents) the school is amazing. Things have clearly changed with covid and even now there are no events where parents attend in person so they're having to find other ways of engagement. They offer a wide range of before and after activities. The head is available on the playground before/after school.

It's just this one aspect. There is no app for everything to go through, and from what I can tell there is no order to what platform they send info through.

A clear calendar with everything on at the start of the year with essential updates only (communicated consistently, even if it's always through two platforms to keep parents happy that miss one) throughout the year.

No problem with the class WhatsApp group. I could always remove myself if it gets too much and I wouldn't be missing anything essential from the school.

All I ask is for one single platform of communication with each message titled so you can find the information you need. Currently we get sent different messages via different platforms so keeping track or trying to find the message about inset day amongst a plethora of emails, texts, parentmail, attachments and so on is impossible.

This sounds like a workplace

All I ask is for one single platform of communication with each message titled so you can find the information you need. Currently we get sent different messages via different platforms so keeping track or trying to find the message about inset day amongst a plethora of emails, texts, parentmail, attachments and so on is impossible.

Yes. This. I'm not a miserable cow who doesn't want to enjoy my kids or for them to do any fun events even though they are miserable teens who mainly actually don't want to do any of the said events I just want an easier way to see/access the info!! (In ideally less than 5 notifications per day, if I'm being greedy)

Schools are damned if they do and damned if they don't tbh and I think you just have to woman up and deal with this as this is part of life.

In reality if you went back to the situation we were in 15 years ago when everything came home on slips of paper there would be an outcry. I remember when I had a brief period on the PTA there was a cohort of parents pushing heavily for digital communication and another group saying stick to paper. It's hard to argue nowadays for sticking to paper and if you have to communicate it has to be digital. And the reality is if its digital you have to work with several different platforms. If they really bother you you can mute them.

I also don't want to go back to a world where kids are dumped at school and "taught to read and write and given lunch" and that's the end of it. I would much rather my daughter be taught somewhere where there is decent extra-curricular stuff, even if that means a bit more legwork from me. Teaching your kids that going to school means achieving the bare minimum isn't a great life lesson.

I found it nearly impossible to keep up, and it made working full time in a proper career impossible.

I think it genuinely needs to be tackled, so that women can move into the 21st century. Men are never asked to do all this crap and not should we be.

@anon666

I found it nearly impossible to keep up, and it made working full time in a proper career impossible.

I think it genuinely needs to be tackled, so that women can move into the 21st century. Men are never asked to do all this crap and not should we be.

That's a fair point.

I think the communications around school is reasonable in this day and age but my only beef really is the unspoken assumption that there's always a non-working parent (basically a woman) around to deal with the admin.

I'm a single parent with a demanding FT job and while I don't mind keeping on top of things I do expect the school to be flexible about stuff which requires me to take time off work.

The thing that drives me mad is the expectation that there's always someone available during working hours to manage stuff at short notice and short turnaround. For example: scheduling after school events at 4.30pm on a Friday where its expected that a parent will pick a child up after school, take them home to change and bring them back an hour later for an extra hour and a half. Which my DD's school does all the time for end of term things

I don't understand why, if kids are staying to a late afternoon/early evening event like a disco or cinema evening, they can't just remain on school premises?

@thepeopleversuswork nobody is saying they want the bare minimum for their kids, that is unfair.

I would just block them if they are getting on your nerves.

Yup . It sometimes feels like a full time job staying on top of it all.

[quote julieca]@thepeopleversuswork nobody is saying they want the bare minimum for their kids, that is unfair.[/quote]
The OP actually said:

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned??

To me that's the bare minimum.

Everyone knows that outcomes for children are better if the parents participate to some degree in their children's education.

I won't deny there is a big administrative burden and its tough to keep on top of it. But I don't think setting the expectation that you drop your kid at school, they have some lessons and come home and there is no interaction between school and parent outside of that is realistic.

Nor do I think its a great example for children. The reality is that if you are ambitious and want a challenging or stimulating job you will have to plan a bit and occasionally engage after hours. And of course kids have to do homework at secondary level. If the expectation is set throughout primary that school is something you leave at the door at 3.30pm and don't think about again until the following morning, secondary is going to come as a nasty shock.

@thepeopleversuswork okay I am just a crap mum then. It was all a bit much on top of working, housework, cooking, and trying to give the kids some fun times outside of school.

[quote julieca]@thepeopleversuswork okay I am just a crap mum then. It was all a bit much on top of working, housework, cooking, and trying to give the kids some fun times outside of school.[/quote]
Well if you're a crap mum I am too because I really struggle with it as well (as do most parents, I'm sure). It's bloody hard, I won't deny that.

But I just don't think its reasonable in this day and age for parents to expect schools just to teach kids in a communication vacuum and not to interact with parents.

I don't understand why, if kids are staying to a late afternoon/early evening event like a disco or cinema evening, they can't just remain on school premises?

So it's not good enough that staff are giving up their free time and volunteering unpaid to put on these events? They should also babysit the children until the event starts rather than, for example, dealing with their marking load or eating an early meal so that they can supervise the children at the disco, cinema evening, etc. Wow.

In reception here you can’t choose full time they have a settling in period until Halloween was so hard for my dd as she was used to being in a nursery and she couldn’t understand why she could only be in school for an hour

I don't mind it, but I'm a sahm so I have time to keep on top of it. I like being involved in the children's school/nursery and helping out where I can. We also receive texts, emails, parent mails, letters in bags, stuff on Google classroom and previously in EY, Tapestry.

We have a class WhatsApp group that is actually very good, no inane chatter or bitching just school related stuff. I can't relate to all those posts from people who hate them (well I can because they sound awful!) but there's no need for them to be like that. A handful of messages a month, if that, there's no need for them to be crazy even if you have a bigger class. People should treat them more like a work communication tool - as in be concise, polite and don't send unnecessary crap!

I try to put reminders for events the week before on there along with the PTA mum who does it for fundraising/donation stuff on there and people always say 'thank you, I'd missed that!' So I assume it's appreciated. I'm the only sahm in our class year so I hope it helps people who are trying to juggle more than me. We have blended years so there's only 15 mums on our group the other year have their own group so it's not big or unmanageable.

I can see (and do see!) how it just be hard to be working and keep on top of everything. We're lucky that we're in a fairly affluent area so there doesn't seem to be a huge issue with people not affording things, but when someone has an issue like 'it's red jumper day and we don't have a red jumper!' they usually stick a message on the WhatsApp group and someone else will volunteer to lend one for the day. Everyone helps each other out.

Try to see if you can find someone in your child's year or class to help keep organised - I truly don't mind doing it! It takes seconds when I'm sorting my own child's stuff out to stick a quick message on that group saying 'red jumper day next Monday everyone'.

@thepeopleversuswork

Everyone knows that outcomes for children are better if the parents participate to some degree in their children's education.

Actually, I had very little input with my sons' (state not private) schools but they came out the other side with 14 and 22 Grade C and above GCSEs and one went on to university. I'm just saying, all this "parental participation" isn't always necessary.

I think parental input in terms of valuing education and caring what their children have done at school does matter.
I am not convinced that make and decorate a Roman Shield really does make a difference to educational outcomes.

How on earth is putting events in your diary and responding to some digital communications like a full time job? Anon666 - it's not directed at women, it's directed at the owner of the contact number

No it is not putting dates in your diary. The bring a £1 one we prepared for by having a bag full of £1 coins that could not be touched for anything else. But its all the family homework, wear this today, bring a cake, etc.

Bring a cake is not every day

I cannot bear the project type homeworks...just give them a worksheet. In reception my 4 year old DD had to create a 3d scene in a shoebox of her favourite part of a book....

@Iamnotthe1

I don't understand why, if kids are staying to a late afternoon/early evening event like a disco or cinema evening, they can't just remain on school premises?

So it's not good enough that staff are giving up their free time and volunteering unpaid to put on these events? They should also babysit the children until the event starts rather than, for example, dealing with their marking load or eating an early meal so that they can supervise the children at the disco, cinema evening, etc. Wow.

I appreciate teachers and staff are putting in a huge amount of unpaid work and I'm grateful for this. But surely if they are supervising an out of hours event anyway, remaining at school in the interim isn't a huge additional burden?

It's not as if they are going to be able to get a load of marking done in an hour after getting home and eating anyway is it?

This really isn't about teacher-bashing: if you read my other posts I've said I think schools walk a really difficult line here and I'm massively grateful for all the unpaid work teachers put it. I just sometimes think some of the logistics of this isn't thought through that well in terms of the impact it has on people who are contractually obliged to work 9 to 5 hours.