Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

It's a way for us to demonstrate and perform our mothering role even when they are in school. Devised by the patriarchy probably . YANBU

I'm a primary HT. People complain whatever you do, not enough info, too much info, not enough notice, too much notice so we forgot, etc. Can we have it on paper/ not on paper/ via email/ via FB/ via WhatsApp/ have a text reminder the day before/ the night before/ on the morning itself at 8am/ on a noticeboard in the playground. I've been in the job 23 years and done all of these as requested. People still complain. We're just trying to organise interesting stuff for your children.

Thank you maid ethan, I think the work you guys do is great, and very much appreciated in difficult circumstances

Do these schools not have the strength of conviction to say "this is how we communicate, this is how you receive the communications". Does the rationale of the complaint ever get considered, weighing up the effects a change will have on the hundreds of others? No one "needs" to only use WA, or FB... If someone complains saying this, why then automatically change it? That's not independent thinking... it's herd thinking.... everything seems this way nowadays. Cower and please the difficult, pushy people.... because god forbid, they write something on social media! Make sure everything is in line with the lowest denominator.

Teacher and parent here!
As a parent, I agree, it’s too much. I feel like I’m constantly giving money to the school. I understand why and I’m part of the PTA myself, but it’s overwhelming at times.
As a teacher at a school with very low parental engagement, it’s really frustrating. No PTA so teachers organise and set up all the fundraising events.
As @MaidEdithofAragon said you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Thanks fomomofo.

CommonDen it's not as simple as that. We're a public service..we have to have 'reach in as many ways as possible so we're being inclusive. It's definitely a KPI for schools to that you are reaching as many parents and stakeholders as possible. Oh, and I don't ever cower!

My DC started secondary and it's a blessed relief that the constant dressing up days, mufti day, onesie day, wear the colours of the African flag day, bring a chocolate day, bring a tin/raffle prize/ 50p for a foam red nose (landfill!!!!) has all ceased. I always thought I'd rather just give the school £20 at the beginning of the year just to stop the incessant fundraising. Who has all these dressing up clothes? Or time to make them if working full time? I am grateful that some staff want to make school more interesting but please put these efforts into making lessons exciting instead.

Oh we do get issued a school calendar that supposedly has everything we need on it. But it doesn’t. Even things like odd sock day gets moved and cancelled and changed.

The calendar just like the dinner menus are on my fridge. I don’t need the 100 emails and texts and apps apart from when they decide to keep changing everything.

I can only assume that the people asking why I bothered having kids or complaining about my complaining have not received 17 texts from the school this week (plus emails, notes in bag etc) and had to login to 2 new systems (one didn't work as the details were wrong) and taken one admin related phone call.
On top of working full time, 2 kids that can't seem to have a week between them where they're not sick, etc.

I'm just saying it's overwhelming. And unexpected.

I'm sure they're all working hard. But as someone else said, you can't just change your process each time someone complains. Explain your process, work out what works for the majority.

It's clear from the responses that I'm not alone.

It's exactly the sane at our school. Some weeks there are different things to remember each day - special things to wear, things they need to take in, various donations we have to make. As soon as I see a notification I add it as a reminder on my phone but it's hard to keep up with all. People are saying "It's just part of being a parent" but it definitely was NOT like that when I was at school.

I doubt my kids have any idea how much admin goes into their schooling, and besides these days we have more ways of communicating

Yanbu. I wish it was just drop off child, collect and receive half termly email updating on class topics or whatever.

All the junk about everything else can go.

@MaidEdithofAragon

I'm a primary HT. People complain whatever you do, not enough info, too much info, not enough notice, too much notice so we forgot, etc. Can we have it on paper/ not on paper/ via email/ via FB/ via WhatsApp/ have a text reminder the day before/ the night before/ on the morning itself at 8am/ on a noticeboard in the playground. I've been in the job 23 years and done all of these as requested. People still complain. We're just trying to organise interesting stuff for your children.

Totally agree with this, you just can’t please people. Thank you for trying though xx

I'm totally with you, OP. I've felt like this every second since my eldest started school, about a decade ago. When I ask my mum if it used to be like this when I went to school, she has no idea what I' talking about. It wasn't like this. Holidays are a relief.

SOOOO lucky mine were at school before the internet. I had one at boarding school for 4 years, got one annual report and if the house mistress was around when I picked child up or dropped her off we had a chap.

Seriously, has anyone opted out? For all but emergency contact info?

I.e. pls remove email and mobile number from school non emergency communication

If more people ask rather than just mute all the noise, pings, emails, WhatsApp, FB, Jesus it goes on!.
It would make school see their broadcasting is over the top for some parents.

It should be opt in. Not "unable to opt out".

@SeemingSeamstress

Seriously, has anyone opted out? For all but emergency contact info?

I.e. pls remove email and mobile number from school non emergency communication

If more people ask rather than just mute all the noise, pings, emails, WhatsApp, FB, Jesus it goes on!.
It would make school see their broadcasting is over the top for some parents.

It should be opt in. Not "unable to opt out".

Opting out would achieve nothing except making your child's school life harder and more stressful

And the people who complain because their kids haven't been included in leaving dos etc, because they haven't shared their contact details with anyone

Really simple solution go old school get calender write down all the activities events in advance say a monthband check each day. Bingo this is what my mum did in the 80s.

It happened by accident here, but I highly recommend getting your partner signed up as the primary contact rather than you. He is infuriated by the number of communications of course, but means I am blissfully ignorant about most of it

Threads like this make me very glad I don't work in a school!

Our daughter started reception in September and I agree it’s intense . We have often joked that we may need to hire a PA to handle her school events / reminders . Constantly we are being asked for a quid or donations for the Xmas market or a book day or sock day! The list is endless , not sure how ppl with more than one kid cope yet alone if they have kids in different schools? Ironically they forgot to send out a notification that a nurse came in yesterday to weigh, measure and do an eye test on the children . We all got frantic phone calls today from the poor receptionist apologising . I didn’t say it as it’s not her fault but inside my brain i was thinking ‘somehow somebody remembered to send approx 10 messages about fund raising ideas for the school this week but forgot to send one advising us that our children met with a nurse and had their statistics taken ‘ 🤔😐

@monotonousmum

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

YANBU that sounds very intense! I have 3 in primary school and work full time. I get weekly emails and the odd extra letters emailed with attachments about specifics of a school trip or special day. But I am not on a WhatsApp groups or Facebook etc. Multiplied by three I find this stressful enough. I do get the emails requesting donations etc somtimes but its such a wierd way they've set up to pay (they don't take cash) that I've left that to my DH. is it possible for you to opt out of Facebook and WhatsApp or only keep email or just 1 method of communication? Surely everyone doesn't have to use every format??? I then jot down key dates on a calendar in the kitchen for each child every month, otherwise I'd forget key dates. Best of luck xx

Unfortunately it gets worse at secondary school

I missed soooo much of my DC1 first year of school, even her gymnastics show, where she was pronounced Gymnast of the Term and came home with the Certificate 😞😞😞
It does get better, you somehow get into the rhythm of school and meet other parents and join class' WhatApp group- where someone mentions something happening tomorrow at the school, etc.
I was much much better with DC2 and everything happening at the school second time round.
Now I have turned into a smug 'knowing-it-all-mum', who is telling the 'new' mums all the news 😉
Don't beat yourself too badly, OP- we are doing the best we can! ❤️