Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

I'm not sure the school see them as stupid requests, I think they're trying their best in difficult circumstances alot of the time

It's like a part time job sometimes. I have an actual job and then various emails, forms and donations to make. My kids' schools are still so poor they can't have school trips. The donations don't really help.

@Latecomer131

This thread has been really, really helpful to alert me to the likely sexist assumptions of nurseries and schools that the mother should always be first to be contacted.

I am a few days from giving birth and have a nursery sorted for 11 months from now but this thread has made me realise that I would do well to buy a cheap PAYG smartphone, setup a joint email address specifically for nursery communications and only give this joint phone number and email to the nursery.

DH and I both work full time, so I'd rather we took it turns to have custody of a second nursery contact phone for the day, so that we'll have an equal/fair chance of being interrupted rather than the nursery just defaulting to ringing me on my personal phone first.

They contact whatever number you put it the primary contact field. A lot of mother's put their own then complain it's sexist...

But yeah, DH gets all the notifications too and he tackles about half, so he's got just as many yoghurt pot collections and Victorian days to worry about.

Idony - raising kids is a job too

So people on here give the school their number and then complain it's sexism when they use that number???

Honestly, some of you sound like absolute nightmare parents who'd also be moaning if the school stuck 100% to the syllabus only.

As for the staggered start, God forbid that schools, who do have a vague idea of what they're doing, go with what works.

They contact whatever number you put it the primary contact field. A lot of mother's put their own then complain it's sexist...

This.

Also, the thread is very dramatic. It’s really not that difficult to keep track of communications from school, write things down, put them in your calendar. I don’t know how some people cope with life if they find this so overwhelming that they they feel like it’s a part time job in itself. It’s really not.I think people really, really like to moan and find fault instead of thinking that schools are trying to give your child good experiences and keep parents up to date.

I knew parents that moaned about this stuff but they just moaned about everythingelse. One year a teacher was stand off ish, the next, they didn’t like the teacher cos she was too smiley. Their child isn’t progressing with reading so they moan but then it’s too much for them to read each day with their child. Their child isn’t getting a school disco this year like last years year 4 did, but aren’t the school unreasonable for asking for parent helpers on the evening. 🤯 Moan, moan, moan.

Often alot of dates and events are communicated at the beginning of term. I just put them all in my calender straight away, doesn't take long

Totally agree OP. It is ridiculous.

It’s not about the admin, although that is more onerous than it needs to be when info is sent 5 or more different ways.

It’s about the endless things to do, bring in, source, pay for, save, donate. My family calendar is perfectly maintained but the sheer quantity of parental labour required to have two kids fully at primary school is just staggering. And definitely wasn’t expected in my own childhood.

I can only assume people saying “oh it’s not that much, you’re making a fuss about nothing” are dealing with less action-packed school terms. Lucky them.

The other thing is that you can’t please everyone all the time. I’m sure some kids (and parents) genuinely do love the whole “dress up as a root vegetable”/“make a replica model of Buckingham Palace” thing. If your kid doesn’t, it’s unbelievably annoying!

Yeah, kids eh, who'd ave em

Why the heck we can't go back to the way it used to work, Child starts school, first week is just mornings or afternoon then full time. Parents turn up for parents evening and the Nativity. One letter a term telling the parents everything they need to know. It worked for everyone but then i suppose the admin staff didn't get to feel that important.

'It worked for everyone', did you speak to everyone?

I understand why they send out constant reminders.
But the sheer number of things just left me feeling a bit useless and thinking everyone else manages all this stuff better than me.

@LowlandLucky

Why the heck we can't go back to the way it used to work, Child starts school, first week is just mornings or afternoon then full time. Parents turn up for parents evening and the Nativity. One letter a term telling the parents everything they need to know. It worked for everyone but then i suppose the admin staff didn't get to feel that important.

It probably did have it's drawbacks tbf, but since the availability of instant communication they are going to use it. Then we all wonder why we become addicted to our smartphones. My work ( not school) is same. Feels like if I turn off my phone for an afternoon I'll miss something important. Hate feeling that way.

I am astonished they send so many texts. That's a very expensive way of communicating for them.

My work isn't at all like that.

You also need to check whose email/number you put down as first contact on your forms - if it’s your number, change it to your partner’s. Not sexist, just admin.

Except my husband did the school application, and put his details down as first contact.

We did the starting school forms together, and put him down as the primary parent, and me as the secondary one.

Guess who the school put as the primary contact.

Me.

They've changed it now, but at my kids school it seems that mum is the default irrespective of what is requested.

@Somuchgoo, that sounds very frustrating. I find the whole idea of having to arbitrarily designate someone as the "main" parent on these forms annoying in itself.

What if there isn't a "primary" parent? DH and I have equally demanding full-time jobs and each have a hybrid set-up of working a few days a week from home. Which one of us is better-placed to pick up to pick up DC related stuff will be very much dependent on the context of that particular day.

I don't understand why schools and nurseries let you specify equal parenting arrangements where both parents should be contacted in all cases?

*don't let you soevify

Having a very bad day with my phone auto complete . Third time lucky.

*don't let you specify

Also, the thread is very dramatic. It’s really not that difficult to keep track of communications from school, write things down, put them in your calendar. I don’t know how some people cope with life if they find this so overwhelming that they they feel like it’s a part time job in itself. It’s really not.I think people really, really like to moan and find fault instead of thinking that schools are trying to give your child good experiences and keep parents up to date.

If it was simply a case of listing stuff on the calendar, that would be fine. I'm not that incompetent!! We had a list of dates at the beginning of term. Except some of the events changed dates...and no one knew which date was correct. A lot of people at our school have complained about the multiple parent platforms that all need a login and password. Are we all incompetent useless idiots unable to run our lives or maybe it is difficult or overcomplicated to keep on top of all the info?
Today I have had 5 emails and 1 homework notification so far from school. The newsletter (16 pages) 2 verification emails to a parenting platform, (which requires login and password) an email and a correction to the previous email.

Yip blooming nightmare

Try being a single mum of kids with additional needs so you have to factor in all the normal stuff plus all the extra meetings and appointments and getting called in when they've had yet another meltdown whilst existing on 4 hours sleep due to said needs.....

Then throw in a worldwide pandemic and homeschooling and repeated isolations

It's no wonder lone parents cant work. It really is a full time job being a carer.

@monotonousmum

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

Or OP you could look at it the other way around. How lucky you are that your school arranged all these fun things for the children to get involved in. My Kids school they hardly do anything. Didn’t do a great deal before covid and now it’s even less. Would love for there to be more going on that just dry boring lessons in the class room every day.