Can't we just send our kids to school and not have constant events or texts to think about

[monotonousmum]

I probably am being a little unreasonable, but I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

Eldest started school in September....I say September but in reality it was a complicated mix of an hour one week, 2 hours the next, then a week of mornings (one day with lunch), finally starting full time first week of October. I was already wondering how anyone actually manages to work.

I work full time, as does my husband. 1 younger child in nursery. School only contact one parent for general day to day stuff, and that falls to me (which is another issue in itself).

So...each week I have anywhere between 5-20 texts from the school (don't park in the car park, don't forget it pj day next week, sponsorship money due yesterday, school photo day, school dinner reminder etc etc), a selection of emails (usually with attachments that are too long for text), some letters in the book bag, notes in the back or front of the reading record book.
Sometimes there is stuff on the school calendar which hasn't been mentioned elsewhere.

I'm totally overwhelmed. Some of the info is repeated in several places (e.g. text to tell us we've received an email about children in need), but just the amount of info was totally unexpected to me.

There's all sorts of sponsored events, dress up days, changes to snacks or schedules.

Can't I just drop my kid to school, they teach her to to read and write (among other things) and then I pick her up and ask her what she's had for lunch and what she learned?? (Not that she ever remembers either).

Is the school OTT or are they all like this? Am I the only one not coping?

our school newsletter is sometimes over 20 pages long

I think the overload of information contributes to parents forgetting stuff, it’s counter productive. If ‘wear a hat Friday’ is buried within 5 pages of news and you have to log into 5 different apps every evening to do hours of homework it is more easily missed. Especially by parents with multiple children at different settings who are working full time on top of it all. All the, ‘it only takes a few minutes to check’ brigade really don’t have a clue about other families circumstances.

[quote Pumperthepumper]**@BustopherPonsonbyJones* and @Iamnotthe1* this is part of the problem though - why are you planning so many lesson that need parental input? Loads of people don’t have the money to buy Pringles just so you can use the tube in your lesson. Loads and loads of people don’t have the time to make a cobbled together homemade costume (that will look shite against the Elsas and the Harry Potters anyway). It’s too big an ask.[/quote]
I don’t plan lessons ‘that need parental input’ because I’m old school and I can’t stand mess. I like my routine and I like children working quietly (from textbooks!). From experience I know that it costs me money and time to provide those ‘Pringle’ lessons. However, many parents are very vocal about ‘how lovely these experiences are’ for their children and the nice, kind teachers provide them to keep the parents happy and because they genuinely feel it helps the children learn. For their sake and the children’s sake, you have to accept there will be reminders whilst these events take place. Personally I would stop all the antics but then there would be another thread complaining about the lack of fun in schools. Schools really can’t win.

our school newsletter is sometimes over 20 pages long. 🤣 I wouldn't read it.
We've one app for everything, it isn't over used.

YANBU this was a shock to me too and one of the nicest things about school being off over the pandemic.
First child I used to try and oblige to the requests, now I do the bare minimum...

Welcome to your new normal.

It’s a blessed relief when they leave, but a shame to feel like that

They get on my nerves with all the rubbish they do.

@OlympicProcrastinator

I think the overload of information contributes to parents forgetting stuff, it’s counter productive. If ‘wear a hat Friday’ is buried within 5 pages of news and you have to log into 5 different apps every evening to do hours of homework it is more easily missed. Especially by parents with multiple children at different settings who are working full time on top of it all. All the, ‘it only takes a few minutes to check’ brigade really don’t have a clue about other families circumstances.

I agree. When you're working and during the day you've had 5 emails, a reqeust to verify something on one parent portal, do you want a xmas dinner on another, instructions for teams on another and 3 app notifications for homework, actually it is easy to overlook things. That doesn't mean I'm not invested as a parent. The other day we were meant to book parent evening slots, among the 6 other pieces of info given. I only remembered the next day and there were no appointments left with the core subject teachers. My own fault but yes there is a massive amount of information to take in.

For everyone saying it was like this in the 80s and 90s with letters, I'm pretty sure it wasn't. My parents had little to no input into homework, we had one dress up day a year and red nose day as far as I remember. We took in cereal boxes, yoghurt pots and kitchen rolls for junk modelling, but I'm pretty sure this was on an ad hoc basis and no specific requirements.

By the way I have the same complaint with one of my clients at work. they sent some orders on paper notes, some on whatsapp and some on email. Sometimes they send a whatsapp to say theyve sent an email. It would be so much easier if they used the same method for everything!

It’s a nightmare and mainly falls to women to deal with. No wonder our heads are full and we don’t progress to the board room!

Dress up for census day

What as, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey? They were travelling for a census, after all.

This thread has been really, really helpful to alert me to the likely sexist assumptions of nurseries and schools that the mother should always be first to be contacted.

I am a few days from giving birth and have a nursery sorted for 11 months from now but this thread has made me realise that I would do well to buy a cheap PAYG smartphone, setup a joint email address specifically for nursery communications and only give this joint phone number and email to the nursery.

DH and I both work full time, so I'd rather we took it turns to have custody of a second nursery contact phone for the day, so that we'll have an equal/fair chance of being interrupted rather than the nursery just defaulting to ringing me on my personal phone first.

It doesn't bother me, I like that the school organise things for them and don't just rely on the children telling us. My older one is great as passing on what's happening like PE changing day) but not my younger one. We both has the app they use and we have a joint email for things like this so we both get them too.

Joint email address. This is what we do so both are informed. Agree the amount of information is insane coupled with the fundraising efforts of reaching £0000. WhatsApp on the other hand very quiet - not a peep!

I agree - it's hugely overwhelming. My DM stayed recently and was quite surprised. She said in the days when myself and my siblings were at primary school (mid 80s onwards), it was very different.
There was no menu for school dinners - you just sent in the cash (exact change) in a little brown envelope on the day if you wanted one, with no idea what it would be until the smell wafted up the corridor mid-morning.
Dress up days (e.g Romans) didn't exist. The school provided the costumes for the annual nativity play and kept them in a store to bring out each year. Children would often be cast in roles according to their size and who would fit in what costume!
There was a half termly newsletter that highlighted any upcoming events and it was the parents' responsibility to read it and act without a barrage of extra letters / reminders (of course emails and texts didn't exist then and Mrs Johnson in the office wouldn't have had time to type and replicate several hundred letters on the Banda copier several times a week).
Teachers reminded kids and gave verbal messages to pass on though ("don't forget to bring 10p tomorrow if you want to buy a cake at break time"). As most mums picked up in person, there were often posters stuck on classroom doors / windows advertising the school play / sports day with details of how to buy tickets etc.
These events weren't overwhelming though as there were so few of them. I remember the nativity, sports day and a single school trip per class in the summer term. There was also the class Christmas party where each child brought in something to share - I think we were randomly handed a handwritten strip of paper a few days before from the teacher that said 'crisps' or 'pop' etc. to avoid duplicates.
The PTA ran an annual toy sale in November when you'd donate any unwanted toys and buy someone else's junk and there were a few seasonal cake sales (Christmas, Easter etc), a termly school disco, plus fundraisers for the parents, like cheese and wine evenings and an auction of promises. I don't remember mufti days being for charity - I think it was just wear your own clothes on the last day of term.
Teachers could take us out on local trips without getting permission each time or needing to write home about it, nor did we need to bring special clothes / kit; we'd just go for a walk in the woods in our school uniform with our normal shoes and coats etc.

I'm a teacher and I heartily agree with you.

There is a local family near me that has only a land line. No broadband, no mobiles, no PC, no tablets.
I wonder how this will affect their child’s education.

I think it's hard for school to win really. People complain about too much information but half the time don't read even basic stuff.

My dcs school try and send everything in a newsletter once a week. It's nicely laid out and easy to read. One parent yesterday was complaining bitterly about missing something on it. She said " oh come on who reads all the newsletter, you put it at the bottom to make sure parents misses it"

I'm a secondary teacher with 2 DC in primary. It's exhausting! The problem I have is that primary seems to use about 4 different methods of communication, each is supposed to be for a different purpose but as the tech has developed they now all
do the same thing. It's pot luck as to which method the school uses each week to communicate. The weekly newsletter always comes through on a Friday on the same app, the problem with it is that no details are ever on there, just a mention, the actual details will always be 'communicated' later and it's a mad scramble through everything to find the dates/times/classes/cost/instructions.
It's exhausting. I want to complain but I don't want to be that parent.

I have taught primary and secondary. Secondary is easier when it comes to admin (although there are other challenges). The difference is that primary school children need parental help to remember things and the events actually need parental input (for important things like a change of collection time after a school trip). Older children should be able to take more responsibility. In primary, it is the teachers and the children of forgetful parents who suffer if reminders aren’t sent. As an example, most school trips I have organised had at least one child still waiting half an hour later. We’d like to go home too!

I agree that there is too much going on. One school trip, one school party, one play, one concert, one parents’ evening and a sports day is more than adequate every year and would limit the need for so many emails and messages. I’d also ditch the wear a spotty tie days, anything that involves money and the like. Is that a solution or would people complain that their children aren’t having fun and teachers are lazy?

As an aside, most teachers are working parents and don’t look down on other working parents at all. You also need to check whose email/number you put down as first contact on your forms - if it’s your number, change it to your partner’s. Not sexist, just admin.

The worst at my children’s primary was when the head instructed parents to come in and ‘share a lunch’ with their children.

She scheduled this midweek, which was really hard for working parents. I know at least one mother (it was the mothers of course) who had to use up half a day annual leave, and the whole point of the exercise was to convince more parents to buy school means, from which the school made a profit.

I can honestly say I had years of stress as a result of that school.

We often get messages like "please bring in pe kit on Monday" but absolutely no indication which child it refers to.

The other month, they sent a message out saying "your child will need a coloured t shirt for pe. Your child will tell you which colour they need". Sorry school, my child can't even tell me what he had for lunch never mind remember what colour t shirt he's supposed to be wearing - relying on infant age kids to pass on messages is a recipe for disaster.

Even at secondary school it is constant. Can't bear it.

This is my nightmare right here

There isn't 'too much going on' in our school since the pandemic sadly, school trips etc. However I have been known to occasionally drop a school communication ball but I just see it as all part of the business of rearing children. It's a choice I made to have kids.

I feel your pain, I gave my DH number and leave everything to him, it was of course a disaster we missed so many events. But I simply didn't have the time for the faffing emails, texts then the "oh sorry wrong date" ha ha silly us emails.

Like another poster I ignored it all, our DS learnt not to flap or faff over stupid requests.