"So if someone has taken a break up really badly like needing professional help, really struggling what time frame do u suggest i mean can the other person ever be public with another person. Because surely anytime they publicly move on they are wrong in their eyes. Also we only have her side of what hes done. I have no idea if he cheated."
Cheating aside for me as I actually think cheating is so off-putting that I wouldn't want my partner back.
For me as I said and this is my opinion it's not fact, it would be to do with the length of the relationship, so if you are with someone for 20 years then it must feel like a death, like grief when someone doesn't want you anymore, especially when you love them, I can empathize with that as
I know after a decade with my husband if he told me he didn't love me tomorrow and left me it would totally rock my world, much more than any other shorter relationships I have had.
And especially if he did a post as her ex did.
In my opinion timing is everything as is how you frame things.
I think giving people time to adjust and if it takes a while longer then so be it. I don't think a year is long at all after a break up of a marriage of 20 years.
Setting down the foundations for a healthy co parenting relationship would be key for me and then telling the ex when you meet someone and feel it is going somewhere after that is dealt with.
Not posting it for the world to see without warning with a caption intended to hurt I think after 20 years I would owe that to my ex.
I would also help my ex seek therapy.
I would want them to feel better and actually I do think remaining civil working with them would help them along.
Putting up barriers and refusing to speak to her as he is but posting messages intended to hurt shows he is no better.
20 years is such a long time and it's the crux for me in how I view her heartbreak.