Alice Evans on Lorraine

[Creamcrackersandricecakes]

This poor woman is clearly in the middle of the most horrendous breakdown - who the fuck thought this interview was a good idea?

As I say, @Muddybanks, after a time her behaviour becomes indefensible to most people.

As you demonstrate, not all.

@Muddybanks that’s a different rant though isn’t it? Given AE won’t let IG see his kids, you can’t start with the deadbeat dad thing. And she was hardly kept at home enslaved with a full time nanny. I would say she had it the best - living with her kids, not working but with a full time nanny so she could swan about and do what she wanted.

And I agree with @muddybanks it should be frowned upon for men to only be a part of their children's lives for 4 days a month/48 days out of 365. It's disgraceful men can just walk away from their children yet the shame is put on the women.

I went through a similar situation, although without the money or fame ( and unfortunately without Ioan Gruffudd either!) ex went to work half way round the world, came back to sort out our move there too- or so I thought. Said he wanted to end the marriage ( Christmas Eve announcement!) and went back 2 days later- no explanation, no discussion, nothing! Left 2 small children and emigrated permanently. Initially said there was no one else, well that was a lie!
But that's where the similarities end. Yes, my close friends and family knew what had happened but I didn't post about it all over social media. There seemed little point, it wouldn't have affected ex but it would have affected me and my children so who would suffer in the end? I'm afraid, whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation ( and no one but the two involved really know) it appears that she has gone off on a rant and he has maintained a silence, it isn't hard to see who will come out of this the better.

[quote Glassofshloer]@Muddybanks that’s a different rant though isn’t it? Given AE won’t let IG see his kids, you can’t start with the deadbeat dad thing. And she was hardly kept at home enslaved with a full time nanny. I would say she had it the best - living with her kids, not working but with a full time nanny so she could swan about and do what she wanted.[/quote]
Er that's a very subjective viewpoint. I've been the wife at home looking after DC while DH travelled , when I wasn't permitted to work as we were abroad for a period of time, and it's not all fun and games by any means. lt can be very lonely and isolating.

@AveryGoodlay

And I agree with *@muddybanks* it should be frowned upon for men to only be a part of their children's lives for 4 days a month/48 days out of 365. It's disgraceful men can just walk away from their children yet the shame is put on the women.

Not goading but isn’t it the case that women generally want their children’s main home to be with them?

Did you have a full time nanny @Muddybanks ?

Because come on that’s a world away from being solely responsible for 2 kids all day.

@Glassofshloer

Did you have a full time nanny *@Muddybanks* ?

Because come on that’s a world away from being solely responsible for 2 kids all day.

No, I had a cleaner once a week. But there were some women living in very fancy circumstances, with nannies, who were still very lonely. Loneliness is about whether you feel part of a team with the person you love, working towards the same objectives I think, it's not about financial circumstances so much, or the amount of staff you have. I've no idea if AE is allowed to work in the US, I assume so. Having staff would definitely help with that.

Having children is a choice though, isn't it, and by the nature of them being vulnerable and needing looking after, limitations are put on what their parents (yes, usually the mother) can do. It should be taken into account before having them that you may be left alone to look after them due to death or "abandonment".

Sorry you went through that Spanieleyes.

@Muddybanks

Well what was the alternative? IG give up work? No nanny, no nice house, no money?

@WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps

Having children is a choice though, isn't it, and by the nature of them being vulnerable and needing looking after, limitations are put on what their parents (yes, usually the mother) can do. It should be taken into account before having them that you may be left alone to look after them due to death or "abandonment".

But that commitment should surely apply to both parents equally?

[quote Glassofshloer]@Muddybanks

Well what was the alternative? IG give up work? No nanny, no nice house, no money?[/quote]
I am not saying an actor's life is easy. Or that of any breadwinner nowadays tbh. I work and I understand the stresses.

It's the effort that the spouse who lives away from the DC's main residence makes that is key. Whether he (usually a he) chooses to base himself reasonably nearby if at all possible. Whether he is prepared to make compromises about his work and other relationships for the sake of the DC or not.

But that commitment should surely apply to both parents equally?

It absolutely should.

Lorraine's "Oh Alice, I hate seeing g people upset " was the worst part for me.
Bullshit bitch

Let’s say for a thought experiment that IG had suddenly died or after a short illness, therefore little or no warning at all that he was no longer available to AE or children as before.

Sadly this does happen.

Understandably, the grief is deep & raw, it takes so much to come to terms with such massive loss.

If this so & AE were on SM & then Lorraine talking through her emotional storm & sharing her own & children’s everyday mourning, would people not suggest that she seek help & support, experience her grief but not plaster it across SM as a rolling blog?

Imagine if the marriage had been troubled at times, couple therapy undertaken, frequent requests from one partner not to embarrass them or over share their private life, then that person suddenly died.
How would we feel if the bereaved one carried on sharing as before only compounded by grief at their loss. I think much of the turmoil would include some guilt & remorse at having not paid attention to how unhappy the dead partner was during the marriage.

I have the impression that AE is hard work by nature, that IG made reasonable requests of her not to broadcast & misuse their personal, marital & family life which AE ignored. Then he had enough & made a rational reasonable decision to end the relationship.

Part of her rage is that she has done this to herself. Yes, he did fall out of love with her, not because he met someone else but because she was bloody hard work & unreasonable to live with.

Note I have not used the handy term ‘narc*’, but whatever events (nature or nurture) that have shaped AE’s personality, she does not get that others are separate from her, that her issues & pain are not a carte blanche or lifelong season ticket to do as she wishes with other people’s lives & feelings.

Part of me feels momentary concern & sadness for AE’s pain, but she is an adult of some years with experience of therapy, so in theory has acquired some insight.

The least she could do for her own personal growth is get off sm because the howling vitriol posted in the darkest hours before dawn will come back to bite her & her children on the arse sometime in the future when the dust of divorce has settled.

AE was born in the US, therefore unlikely to have residency or work permit issues.

As actors, both would have ‘rested’ so she would not have been solely responsible for childcare etc as the only one available.

Most actors do not have enough work or paid performance work to live on. It’s a precarious profession, a zero hour contract people choose to do, & fabulous when all goes well. But for most actors, it’s a poor hard life so they develop other skills & work at other stuff to pay the bills.
AE & IG both joined that circus by choice.

AE was engaged and living in Paris with Oliver Picasso when she met IG, whether she left OP before she started to see IG I don't know but they had been together for 8 years. So its ok for her to move on to someone else but not IG?
I know there wasn't children involved then
but there's nothing to indicate IG has abandoned his children but AE has admitted to not be letting him see them when it was his visitation.

@Muddybanks how do you know he didn’t make an effort?

I mean if one person is working and the other not working with a full time nanny I would argue the latter needs to make the effort.

Haven't seen Lorraine but I can't imagine even if she did have an entourage of advisors that anyone could stop her. She is clearly in the midst of a very public breakdown which appeared to have started well before any estrangement. Her mental health has been questionable for a long time based on her very needy and neurotic Instagram posts where both children and exh look uncomfortable and playing along to keep het happy. Anyone who disagrees with her version of events or dares to suggest she should temper her media outrage is blocked. I'm sure this is what happened with IG hence why he doesn't communicate with her. I don't blame him - there's no talking sense to someone who is unwell snd most probably abusing alcohol and or prescription drugs. She is absolutely making her bed as far as parental alienation goes. She's unstable. I think she thinks this is her moment which is really sad for a highly intelligent woman who has ended up on a crap breakfast slot as a vulnerable woman.

I haven't seen the interview, but I guess we're used to a world where the damage men do is hidden away. There is a pattern of male behaviour here: successful men upgrade their wives to the younger model according to their current status in life. We're told that this is private and personal, but for the discarded wife there's nothing more impersonal to discover that your husband doesn't see your inner life, your personality, your shared history; he just sees you as an ageing body. What Alice Evans is doing is undignified and uncomfortable and possibly unhealthy, but women being dignified and silent sure does benefit men, and not just in the area of relationships. They can pretty much do what they like and be almost guaranteed that women will either not talk about it or talk about it and be labelled mad or a nasty witch

@EsmaCannonball

I really do agree will all you posted...you sum it up so clearly & succinctly and I do agree plus you've made me see the situation in a different light rather than simply think AE should not have done it.

What is more reliable is post after post on the relationships board here on Mumsnet; accounts of men following "the script". Again, only one person's side of things but the sheer volume of them does point to a pattern.

So you think we should find IG guilty because other men have done the same? Rather than on the actual (non existent) evidence against st him?

@UniversalAunt

AE was born in the US, therefore unlikely to have residency or work permit issues.

As actors, both would have ‘rested’ so she would not have been solely responsible for childcare etc as the only one available.

Most actors do not have enough work or paid performance work to live on. It’s a precarious profession, a zero hour contract people choose to do, & fabulous when all goes well. But for most actors, it’s a poor hard life so they develop other skills & work at other stuff to pay the bills.
AE & IG both joined that circus by choice.

I thought Alice was born in Bristol?!

@CounsellorTroi

What is more reliable is post after post on the relationships board here on Mumsnet; accounts of men following "the script". Again, only one person's side of things but the sheer volume of them does point to a pattern.

So you think we should find IG guilty because other men have done the same? Rather than on the actual (non existent) evidence against st him?

I've said repeatedly that none of us know the details for sure about what happened. This isn't a court of law so we all make a considered judgement.

Some of us take a view based on our life experience (and yes what you read on here even though again that is one person's view of things) and others choose to take a stand against AE. Neither side can be certain of the facts unless they are known to you personally. I prefer to throw my hat in with women in general, and in this instance with AE in particular.

AE was born in New Jersey USA & raised in Bristol.