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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Agree with Money Saving Expert?

196 replies

backtolifebacktoreality · 10/11/2021 23:08

Martin Lewis said this a few years back. I think it's very very true!

"Christmas has become a retail festival and it shouldn't be. Christmas should be joyous but causes some people unhappiness, debt and worry. Many people feel obliged to buy gifts for others that they know they won't use, with money they don't have, and cause themselves stress they don't need ... The gift of giving can be selfish as it can mis-prioritise people's finances and create a financial burden. If you give a gift to someone they're effectively forced to buy you one back ... It's time for us to get off this gift giving treadmill. Sometimes the best gift is releasing others from the obligation of having to give to you. Let's work together to ban unnecessary Christmas presents ... (However, if you feel you want to give something) Do a Secret Santa or give to charity instead".

OP posts:
Newbabynewhouse · 12/11/2021 21:15

I know someome who spends £500 each on their 4 children.. so £2000 just on her kids... i know its easily done but why...? Im not a materialistic type and just dont get it...im very aware there will be others on here who spend alot more too... just had DD1 and i will be teaching her the true meaning of Xmas.. of course we will get her a main present but i personally dont think that amount needs to be spent on each child every year

Roxy69 · 12/11/2021 21:17

This made me remember getting 2 or 3 small hideous gifts on my birthday from a good friend. (Always got hideous gifts but never in public before!) We had a lunchtime drink and she invited another friend along - to watch me receiving my gifts. The non-gift giving friend who was always very blunt, said how hideous the gifts were. My friend said that didn't matter as she 'knew my tastes' - aaargh.

Newbabynewhouse · 12/11/2021 21:18

@Parrish

Oh is that the Bauballs to last christmas advert??

Harmonypuss · 12/11/2021 21:18

Other than my adult sons, the only person I buy for is my best friend.
A couple of years ago I suggested we take Martin's advice onboard, primarily because we never know what to buy each other and I always end up with a calendar (which I've never once used in our 15yr friendship) and something else that usually gets put in a cupboard and forgotten.
She said no, on the basis that I am the only person who gets her anything.
Fortunately, we don't spend a vast amount but I did mention on her birthday this year that I'd received 2 calendars at xmas and I never ever use one, so I'm kind of hoping she's remembered and doesn't get me one next month.

Newbabynewhouse · 12/11/2021 21:23

@BarbaraofSeville

Literally saw this in boots today... a lynx body spray and body wash together in a cardboard box ... knocked down from £5.80 to £2.80 to make it look appealing... was about to get it then realised i can get the same for 99p each without the packaging (which will go straight into recycling!)... thought were meant to be saving the planet!

Cantthinkofaname21 · 12/11/2021 21:36

Best thing our wider family decided no adult present buying :)
Husband and I don’t buy for each other either.
We have a small set amount for nieces/nephews.

The only adults we buy for is MIL & my Mum. We asked them both not to buy anything for us but we always end up with a pair of socks or something! We also don’t do adult birthday presents unless a significant birthday.

It’s been this way for the last 15 years and sooo much nicer and less expectations!! We don’t live near each other so it’s more about give people our time - so we do get a little busy at the weekends on the run up to Christmas to catch up with parents etc (both from divorced parents)

Teenagehorrorbag · 13/11/2021 00:20

We love Christmas but totally agree about all the tat buying! And I don't understand all the adults who buy expensive stuff for other adults - surely presents are really only for the children?

I have three siblings. We buy for each others children - £15 each (and £20 for birthdays) but not for each other, or our DF or DSM. We stop buying presents when the kids reach 21. We all share lists and only get things that the children actually want.

That said - we may buy the odd thing that takes our fancy - either 'off-list' for a child, or for an adult if we think it's fun/relevant. If we're meeting up or staying with family we might buy something - as well as the usual food/wine/flowers. We might send tree presents if we come across something amusing.

I have a couple of godchildren and friends whose children I give to - but that would probably be in the region of £10 or a cinema ticket or something. I also have adult friends who give to my DCs, so might treat them to a meal or something to say thank you.

I do love Christmas and always go massively OTT on presents - but it will mostly be things like socks, deodorant, bottles of beer (for DH....Grin), school stationery etc to bulk out the stockings and the pile under the tree. The DCs are teenagers now so less excited about piles of stuff - but I still am.....Smile!

DH and I (and MIL) give each other the same card every year as it amuses us and saves time/money! I think we've been doing that since about 2014 - and every year it's a surprise as you forget what the card looks like in between......Grin

Btw we aren't hard up for money. Not loaded but certainly not struggling. Just sensible.

1forAll74 · 13/11/2021 03:52

Well I have been saying the same things for years now, never mind Martin Lewis, but as an oldie, I Would say such things, about Christmas overload, and big spending. as this was not a thing in the era that I was born into. It's like manic consumerism now, aided by all that people see advertised, and in stores etc, endless choices of expensive gifts for children, who then get piles of presents, people think that this equates to happiness all over for children.

It just reminded me of many years ago, when my daughter was at Uni up North. She had an evening job, working on the phones, for a mail order catalogue. think it was the Great Universal catalogue. She got the job after one Christmas. Her job, along with a few other people, was to phone up people, who had ordered massive amounts of goods, like childrens presents. three piece suites and all sorts, ordered in time for Christmas. And come January and February and onwards, had not attempted to start any payments at all.,My daughter got all sorts of abuse from people on the phones, doing her debt recovery job, People made all sorts of excuses, why they couldn't pay back, the sometimes thousands of pounds, they had spent on Christmas things,like childrens toys, and expensive sofas, and all sorts of stuff, mainly Christmas stuff.

hopetoretireearly · 13/11/2021 06:44

My SIL asked for ideas for my DC. I said one of those stacker toys. She said “anything else, I want to spend more than a tenner”. I said no as they both have so much already it’s just a waste (plus DC2 is 1 so doesn’t even realise it’s Christmas etc).

Honestly, the older I get, the less stuff I need and just want to live a simple life!

KeyLimePies · 13/11/2021 09:12

@Gwenhwyfar

How original you are OP! It's not like we hear this every single year is it?
Why the nastiness? If you don’t like common threads just scroll past.
Crikeyalmighty · 13/11/2021 09:21

I personally think that for those who come from big extended families this would come as a blessed relief-- how about the nothing over£10 rule for all but your own children and partner (if there is one)

Glasspen · 13/11/2021 09:46

And I do not want to spend hours trying to figure out what people want - when they could do easily just buy things for themselves - what a waste of time. I’d rather spend that time going out to dinner with them, having a coffee with them than wandering around as soulless shopping centre racking my brains and feeling tortured.

onceandneveragain · 13/11/2021 13:15

@BarbaraofSeville

Wish lists aren't presents, they're just another illustration of how pointless it all is.

What is the point me asking you to buy me a new Kindle and you telling me to get you a big bottle of that new perfume so we can say they're Christmas presents from each other?

Makes no sense at all. I want a Kindle, I buy it, you want perfume, you buy it, job done.

see while objectively I can see it's a bit ridiculous (more so in my family where inevitably someone will just say - "I don't want anything, just give me the money," personally I do struggle to spend money on nice things for myself, while am happy to spend it on other people. So I probably would never justify buying expensive perfume for myself but then it is a nice, very appreciated present when someone buys it for me for Christmas, even though technically I've spent the same amount on their kindle! I accept this might just be a 'me' thing!
LolaSmiles · 13/11/2021 14:00

onceandneveragain
It's not just you. DH and I are the same. Day to day we spend our money on practical things, DC expenses, and home improvements. It's easy not to buy yourself treats when you think about other uses for the money, but I'd happily buy for other people.
It's a nice time of year to have something a bit nicer or a bit more special than if I was buying functionally year round.

Trivium4all · 13/11/2021 15:22

I don't have a huge pile of cousins: only two of my parents' siblings had kids. So when I was little, we'd get presents from those families and my childless uncle, from my grandparents, and my parents. But they were never so over the top as seems to be the practice here and in North America: it was usually something like a book or a small Playmobil set and some chocolate. The presents from my parents weren't insane, either. As adults, we only do presents for immediate family, and for my best friend, and again, the cost per present is more likely to be around the £20 mark; certainly only very rarely exceeding £50. Books and DVDs are still the most common gifts. I also take part in a long-established annual Secret Santa, so altogether, I would say I budget about £200 for presents in total, and about the same for nice food over the holidays. I do like giving things that are appreciated, but it can feel a bit pressured to figure out something for people (like my mum) who can afford a much nicer "whatever" than what I can afford/fits in the budget. Two years ago, my sibling and I combined forces and bought tickets to the ballet for the family, and a special late dinner afterwards with really nice wine. This year presents a similar problem, as my mum has just spent a lot of time/money downsizing and moving into a smaller place, so the last thing she needs is more stuff. We won't be able to travel this year to take her to the ballet, so we'll have to put our heads together to find something similarly special, that she can enjoy, perhaps with a friend.

enjoyitwhileitlasts · 14/11/2021 16:30

Years ago my SIL said they wouldnt be buying us a Christmas gift anymore as they buy us something we don't want or need and we buy them something they don't want or need. What a relief. I now buy a gift for my children and grandchildren and thats it. I only buy cards for close friends and family. Its not the money its a pure waste of time and effort.

lentilsforever · 14/11/2021 16:34

@Harmonypuss

Other than my adult sons, the only person I buy for is my best friend. A couple of years ago I suggested we take Martin's advice onboard, primarily because we never know what to buy each other and I always end up with a calendar (which I've never once used in our 15yr friendship) and something else that usually gets put in a cupboard and forgotten. She said no, on the basis that I am the only person who gets her anything. Fortunately, we don't spend a vast amount but I did mention on her birthday this year that I'd received 2 calendars at xmas and I never ever use one, so I'm kind of hoping she's remembered and doesn't get me one next month.
You are the only one who buys her anything and she’s your best friend.

Come on… most be loads of things!

toconclude · 14/11/2021 17:31

@beigebrownblue

Read the local council newsletter and it said that Christmas wrapping paper can't be recycled as it has coatings on it.

So, I'm aiming for the gifts I do give to be wrapped in nice, new tea towels that can be used.

I'm stealing that wrapping idea, thanks!
Longhairmightcare · 14/11/2021 20:25

@Hollyhead

I would like a return to a truer sense of gift giving. I LOVE buying gifts, however only when - I find something I know the recipient would love (this doesn’t always conveniently fit in with the time frame of Christmas/birthday), I can afford it, and that it doesn’t mean I have to receive one back. It’s the reciprocation arrangements that take the joy out of the whole thing for me, it makes it too transactional.
This I totally agree with. Every so often I see something that such and such friend would love, and I’d love to get it for them. It’s more money than a casual ‘saw this and thought of you’ gift (say £40) but if I did get it ‘for’ something birthday/Christmas etc I know they’d feel a) caught out because we don’t usually exchange gifts b) obliged to get something (anything!) of similar value for me.

What I have done, just this week, is text a link to the ~perfect~ gift (IMO!) to friend’s significant other (who I know well enough to do this) in the hopes she might get it that way.

JoanWilderbeast · 14/11/2021 20:48

I think Social Media for many has unfortunately become a more invidious modern day version of "Keeping up with the Joneses". Step up or don't count.

Larryyourwaiter · 14/11/2021 21:16

I bought niece a toy once, SIL was pleased, said it was useful/played with lots. 2 years later we were there for Christmas and she had a new child. The toy was in a plastic bag for the charity shop, odd as not something that wore out (plastic).
Next morning she gave exactly the same thing, to new baby (who had no fucking idea it was Christmas). Prime example of shopping for no good reason.

One of DDs friends in primary once got a laptop, an iPad and an iPhone for Xmas from her mum.her mum has never worked and constantly goes on about how skint she is but thinks she has to buy all this stuff. We’ve never bought anywhere near that amount. I imagine she paid for it all year.

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