To Agree with Money Saving Expert?

[backtolifebacktoreality]

Martin Lewis said this a few years back. I think it's very very true!

"Christmas has become a retail festival and it shouldn't be. Christmas should be joyous but causes some people unhappiness, debt and worry. Many people feel obliged to buy gifts for others that they know they won't use, with money they don't have, and cause themselves stress they don't need ... The gift of giving can be selfish as it can mis-prioritise people's finances and create a financial burden. If you give a gift to someone they're effectively forced to buy you one back ... It's time for us to get off this gift giving treadmill. Sometimes the best gift is releasing others from the obligation of having to give to you. Let's work together to ban unnecessary Christmas presents ... (However, if you feel you want to give something) Do a Secret Santa or give to charity instead".

My boyfriend's daughter is a young adult and is determined to buy everyone gifts despite me trying to persuade her not to get me or my son anything. She earns minimum wage.

So, I'm stuck. She has another sister who is not bothered and has mental health problems and has not (been able to?) thank me for gifts I'd previously given her

I feel that I can't avoid getting the two young women small gifts, but I'd really rather not. At least it's only a few people. When I read what other people have done, like remortgaging homes for Christmas, I am at a loss for words. Stupid doesn't begin to describe it!

OP, YANBU!

I particularly hate all those specially made 'box gift sets' that you see in supermarkets, Boots etc. They should call it 'gifts for people you don't know that well but need a wrapped thing at work / the playgroup / the PTA etc.'

I would like a return to a truer sense of gift giving. I LOVE buying gifts, however only when - I find something I know the recipient would love (this doesn’t always conveniently fit in with the time frame of Christmas/birthday), I can afford it, and that it doesn’t mean I have to receive one back. It’s the reciprocation arrangements that take the joy out of the whole thing for me, it makes it too transactional.

I agree with him. If it's stretching you financially you shouldn't do it - anyone who cares about you wouldn't want that. If it's tat you're giving just because of social obligation you shouldn't do it - bad for the planet, waste of time and your own resources.

I despair when I see people flogging those plastic covered hot chocolate kits in cheap mugs because that's exactly the kind of thing that ends up in the bin or charity shop. And boots 3 for 2 as mentioned.

We send cards to older friends and family (those over 70 who may be hurt if we didn't), and that's it.

I agree @Hollyhead. If we all spend £20 on some shit the other person needs we may as well just all burn £20.

If you find something wonderful and know it will bring someone joy and no obligations thats something else entirely.

• doesn't need not needs!

Read the local council newsletter and it said that Christmas wrapping paper can't be recycled as it has coatings on it.

So, I'm aiming for the gifts I do give to be wrapped in nice, new tea towels that can be used.

Also, I understand some of the best people were homeless at Christmas...and born in a barn...

YY OP. He's been doing the no unnecessary presents pact for years, well before 2018, possibly as far back as after the 2008? crash when a lot of people were out of work so couldn't afford to spend money they didn't have on things no-one wanted or needed.

Of course everyone who feels this way have probably been pissing in the wind for the last decade or so because, if anything it's much worse now, but now we've got a lot more awareness of the impact of waste and overconsumption on the environment, so it should be easier to scale back, but it doesn't feel that way.

I agree with the suggestion that, for adults, no gifts should be exchanged and everyone should buy themselves a present. You still get to talk about it and show it off during family gatherings and everyone gets what they want/need and sets their own budget and money isn't wasted on stuff that will end up unused in cupboards or sent to charity.

Plus no disappointment about lack of or unsuitable gifts from DHs and MILs and no stressing about either buying gifts for the in laws because you know your DH won't bother, or leaving it to him and getting grief from MIL and SIL because he did nothing.

@HugeAckmansWife

I particularly hate all those specially made 'box gift sets' that you see in supermarkets, Boots etc. They should call it 'gifts for people you don't know that well but need a wrapped thing at work / the playgroup / the PTA etc.'

They should ban those. No-one would buy a standard Dove or Lynx body spray and shower gel from the supermarket as a gift, but encasing it in unnecessary packaging and doubling the price somehow makes it OK? I don't think so.

When his message first came out it prompted us to stop buying presents for everyone. We only buy for our children. I'm so glad we did, because we are on a low income and present buying was putting us in the red.

I agree in principle but I buy gifts because I actually enjoy giving gifts, not because I expect getting anything back.

Yep definitely agree, we're doing well to cut back I think, but it still feels wasteful when DS gets loads of tat for giftings sake!

I agree as well.

Thankfully found it very easy to stop Christmas gifts with most people. DH keeps saying he will have the conversation with his parents, but never does.

At other times, I now stop and really think whether or not my urge to give someone a gift is selfish, and it often is, so I stop myself.

The best Christmas DH and I had was a couple of years ago when it was just us. We had steak and chips for lunch and just snuggled up on the sofa all afternoon watching movies. We’d agreed to only spend a small amount on each other and didn’t buy any other presents, apart from for our kids (who were all with their other parents for the day and we had them on Boxing Day) Fond memories.

We buy within our means, for adults as well as kids, never buy random tat just for the sake of it, and use wishlists, so nobody ever gets anything they don't want. The stuff the adults buy for each other is often books or clothes - things which will be used, and which the recipient would otherwise buy for themselves at some point.

I absolutely agree with this.
The amount my DH spends on his family is disgusting. I only have a DM to buy for, and I but her nice, special food and make up a hamper. She uses it all, and it lasts a while so I feel it’s worth it.
DH buys expensive stuff for his family that puts us into debt. There is no talking to him about it, it’s what he wants to do.
His family members are all retired on good private pensions, if they want something they buy it themselves. We don’t even see these people, they live around the country.

He is right. The amount of money spent at Christmas is crazy. Some of the amounts on here on Christmas threads are just wow.

I love Christmas, Christmas for us is all spending time together. We don't get that much normally. We do gifts but small amounts or cash for older kids. We don’t go mad on spending mainly cos my family mostly can’t afford it. I’ve never gone into debt for Christmas and everyone gets something they like or would use. I reuse gift bags where I can.I buy a few extra baubles for the tree but keep what we have. I don’t replace decorations just add to.

I buy some treat food in gradually from now but there’s only two of us so it’s probably about £25 I still work Christmas so there is not days on end of sitting at home eating.

Yabu, the economy relies on endless, excessive consumption of tat. Do you want the staff of b&m, Tesco, smyths out of work? Fuck the landfill/environment! If everyone took this approach where would the precious capitalism be?

Secret Santa for our family, so just one present to buy instead of lots. It’s so much better, I wish we had done it years ago.

Been saying to my sister for years just go and buy yourself something you want that you wouldn't normally buy and l will do the same.
But she whines and says she wants to get me something - just creates another job and seems daft to go and get each other something, or sending each other a link to what we want when we could just get something for ourselves when we see it.
Mum and l have set a £20 limit.
Last year was bliss not having any of this hassle.

I completely agree, we do a one present max for the people we buy for and always give a few items we’d like so nothing is unwanted and if they can’t think of anything we buy them an experience. We use brown paper and string for wrapping with paper tape so it’s fully recyclable. I still send cards but I love the thought that goes into writing the message in each one.

I agree too. I hate all the excess buying at Christmas. I've got myself a bit of a reputation as a grinch, but I'm actually very cheerful about it. We have old, old decorations, and I do buy the odd present but I ask the recipients to be very clear about telling me what they will want and use.

100% agree. The stress of buying for everyone and the wastefulness of some things is awful.

My side of the family do a secret santa and have done for decades. We can make suggestions for the buyer and the limit is £35-40. Enough to get a decent thing you want but not crazy amounts. I often buy each of the families a little box of nice chocolates or bottle of wine if I'll see them over Christmas, but there's no expectation.

DHs side expects £40+ of presents per person (adults and children) and it's ALL generic 'present' type stuff and often in the wrong size, wrong age group etc. I always put in loads of thought and effort but it's not reciprocated so as much as it pains me I'm thinking of just buying generic stuff for them this year... Maybe a food hamper might get used? They are fussy though. Maybe vouchers but they do sniff at those being 'impersonal'

I tried suggesting a Secret Santa on his side and there were tears and foot stamping (from the grown ups).

In my family we stopped buying for adults a few years ago, still an insane amount of presents under the tree for the children.
My sister compiles a list every year of what her children want (or need) and puts that in the family WhatsApp group. That way, the tat gets reigned in a bit.