To Agree with Money Saving Expert?

[backtolifebacktoreality]

Martin Lewis said this a few years back. I think it's very very true!

"Christmas has become a retail festival and it shouldn't be. Christmas should be joyous but causes some people unhappiness, debt and worry. Many people feel obliged to buy gifts for others that they know they won't use, with money they don't have, and cause themselves stress they don't need ... The gift of giving can be selfish as it can mis-prioritise people's finances and create a financial burden. If you give a gift to someone they're effectively forced to buy you one back ... It's time for us to get off this gift giving treadmill. Sometimes the best gift is releasing others from the obligation of having to give to you. Let's work together to ban unnecessary Christmas presents ... (However, if you feel you want to give something) Do a Secret Santa or give to charity instead".

I hate the exchange of gifts, my sister spends £20-30 (that she doesn’t have) buying me something.
I then spend similar amount buying her something - we both end up with something we don’t really want or need.
Last year I told her to use the money on the kids or herself.
The only person I bought for last year was my partner and it was a nice stress free Christmas

@Kona84

I hate the exchange of gifts, my sister spends £20-30 (that she doesn’t have) buying me something. I then spend similar amount buying her something - we both end up with something we don’t really want or need. Last year I told her to use the money on the kids or herself. The only person I bought for last year was my partner and it was a nice stress free Christmas

In this scenario I would buy for her children She’s obviously on very low income and has children So just say you won’t buy for her but will for the children

Totally agree! It’s bonkers. For the grown ups as a family we just do secret Santa so you buy one gift. And for the kids it’s a strict one gift rule from family as well (and hate to say it but off a list of toys they’ll actually play it). First few years of grandchildren equaled a bonkers amount of plastic tat. I hated how much money my parents and parents in law wasted. My husband and I don’t buy gifts for each other either, it’s from the same pot of money so is just silly and there’s nothing we need!

What’s really annoying me this year is that some tv adverts are pushing that we all buy more and more this year to make up for last year’s Covid Christmas. I am not doing this.

Yes yes yes
I've done it!
We're free from all the crap lol

Martin Lewis has it absolutely right! If last year taught us anything, you can celebrate Christmas without spending money trying to please other people who may neither need or want what we buy. It's definitely time for a change and go back to a simpler Christmas all round.

I agree.

We are planning to do a secret Santa for the adults this year and only spend a max £10 on it.

I love this quote. My side of the family started a 'just for the kids' approach a good few years ago, which was such a relief! Then a couple of years ago I suggested the same to the inlaws, in a 'what you would spend on us, treat yourselves/kids' approach. It's been working really well for us.

I agree and no longer buy unnecessary presents... mum and dad like a bottle of soemthing and pjs so i get that..me and partner just choose 1 present we'd like uaually about £50 ... we have a baby this year and will buy like 3 presents as she doesnt understand, sisters a bottle of wine... friends kids will get a littlw toy.. thats it... and i dont expect anything in return xx

Oh god! This is so true. I have brought this up many times with colleagues and family and friends and i can see them rolling eyes and saying bah humbug but its true

Every January I donate a large bag of unwanted stuff to charity

Adults buying other adults gifts because society says we must, is totally ridiculous

I definitely agree.
Used to despise Christmas, it was one very long boring to do list of buying lots of crap. I declared an end to it - I’m sure it made me quite unpopular amongst my siblings but it certainly made me happy and oddly I started to have Happy Christmas’s again.
I’ll buy my mother something practical and the kids will get pjs and underwear and a cheque - just exactly what students need. Dh and I don’t need to give each other gifts to feel special or appreciated or valued. And everyone will help with the dinner and the washing up too - we’re all adults now, everyone deserves to have a lovely time.

Omg some of you sound like my soul mates

@lentilsforever

* Let's work together to ban unnecessary Christmas presents*

Fuck off Martin
What’s unnecessary to one person is a wonderful gift to another

Santa, is that you?

It's so true. You can really find yourself trapped.

I noticed it myself this morning, looking for things for my husband's stocking. I wasn't really seeing anything he would truly want but I had a whole bunch of what was basically tat in my basket, just because they were stocking sized and on a page called 'presents for men'. It was crazy! Why was I buying him things he wouldn't really want and which I had no joy in giving, just because there is an expectation of it?

I ditched the whole basket and feel much better for it. I'm trying so hard to be more mindful this year - fewer gifts, better quality, locally sourced and no plastic packaging.

@lazylinguist

Wish lists aren't presents, they're just another illustration of how pointless it all is.

What is the point me asking you to buy me a new Kindle and you telling me to get you a big bottle of that new perfume so we can say they're Christmas presents from each other?

In practice, with my wishlists it goes more like "Some things I'd like would be lightweight jumpers in nice bright colours, a5 notebooks, any book by x author or y author, a voucher for a spa treatment, some cashmere socks, nice classy stationery of any kind, some knitting yarn - any kind, surprise me!'

Plenty of room for a bit of choice by the giver, which makes it more personal. I like choosing presents and I like receiving them.

Honestly, until I became a regular on MN I had no idea that so many people found it such a nightmare or so pointless (or how many men are so utterly shit at giving presents to their wives or girlfriends, but that's a whole other thread...)

I’d still rather choose stuff for myself - I’m always disappointed rather than thrilled by other people’s taste.

@User3152672

It's so true. You can really find yourself trapped.

I noticed it myself this morning, looking for things for my husband's stocking. I wasn't really seeing anything he would truly want but I had a whole bunch of what was basically tat in my basket, just because they were stocking sized and on a page called 'presents for men'. It was crazy! Why was I buying him things he wouldn't really want and which I had no joy in giving, just because there is an expectation of it?

I ditched the whole basket and feel much better for it. I'm trying so hard to be more mindful this year - fewer gifts, better quality, locally sourced and no plastic packaging.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

I really wish my hubby wouldn't buy me anything sometimes. Every year he just buys me toiletteries. No thought goes into the presents at all 😕 I told him in 2019, that if he did it once again, I'd just take everything to the charity shop, I got 3 sets of toiletteries again in 2020 🤬 It truly is a waste of money buying presents sometimes.

Very true, when I met my partner, he was buying for his uncle, who said he didn't want a present in return, but for a few years, my partner, still brought this uncle a present, and not just a tenner, aslo he brought for his sister and BIL, which I didn't mind, but he was spending way more than he could afford, luckily his sister said, why don't we just buy for the kids, so they buying something for our son and we buy for there daughter, not for the adults, it's cheaper that way, we still buy birthday presents, but don't go over the top.
My MIL, use to do stockings, but they were always full of stuff I don't like, i said to my partner, can you tell your mum not to do one for me, I wouldn't be offended, she could put the money to a bigger present (she still did present and stocking) but he wouldn't. Then his sister, put I stop yo them, as I think she realised, her mum was spending money on stuff no one wanted, she told her just to buy the kids something. We still get a token present. But nothing I really like, I don't do normally girly stuff, mil doesn't get this and still buys stuff I don't like, or use 4 lots of shower gel, when I love a bath. 🤦‍♀️

DH has 2 siblings - both married with 2 DCs (now adults). A few years ago one couple proposed that we stopped buying presents at Christmas and gave to charity (they suggested a specific one) instead. We were all for it as present buying always seemed to fall to me. Other couple objected on basis that a)they didn't like nominated charity and b) SIL loved choosing presents for everyone. So we carried on with the present buying. That year I was given a present which was clearly a regift from one of their friends (they'd left the tag in 'to SIL love from friends up the road'). From that day I have entirely washed my hands of buying presents for DHs family.

I certainly agree with him to a point however, when dc were younger I was able to give them loads of second hand toys that I got for free from the free cycle.

Then, when they used them we passed them on. It doesn't ever have to be new? But also remember he's an extremely rich man and I'm sure his dc don't go without. It's easy to say "I don't spoil my dc" when they already probably have all the tech they need, live in a beautiful house and have wonderful clothes and holidays and extras!

I know one rich lady who went into parsimonious over drive at Xmas but all year she would buy massive trampolines, garden slides and frames, the play room was stuffed with toys, holidays to Thailand, bali hawai.
It really doesn't balance out then getting all sanctimonious about Xmas. For some people Xmas is when they give that trampoline or larger items or buy special clothes and it's all they have all year unlike our rich friends.
So whilst I agree, there are different perspectives to consider.

Big blue bus, my sil did that as well, I also gave up.
I've never known a family to suck the joy out of Xmas like my rich in laws.

Martin Lewis and his usual no shit Sherlock!!

We've always made Christmas fun and lots of traditions but it was not about money or competing with others. We always had stockings and a tree, meal and gifts but never pricey or big ticket items because that was not the Spirit of Christmas.

I agree with Martin Lewis.

I love buying Christmas presents for my adult kids and partners, but only ones I know they want. This year son and girlfriend have said they would like a mini freezer and other son and wife, a tumble drier. Great. Now I will just buy them all a few little personal things I know they like. My daughter appreciates the thought I put into lots of little things I know she will like. H and I struggle to buy each other things. As others have said, if we want something we can afford to buy it and choose exactly what we want. No waste. However, he does like to choose me something, usually books and I would much rather choose my own! I really wish he would agree not to buy each other anything.

Apart from that we only buy for a best friend couple. Wish we could forget that!

Years ago, family agreed to just buy for the ‘children’. I was glad when the youngest child passed 18. (Not my own) as, not once did they ever acknowledge or say thank you for a present.

To me, Christmas is about spending time with loved ones and appreciating how fortunate we are, not having loads of presents.

But ... and this is going to sound judgemental - there is a huge pressure about buying gifts and indulging DC that is very hard for some people to shake off, as if they feel 'judged' for not spending enough. I was talking to a FB user this week and she was worried about the cost of a Christmas, obviously I understand that she wants to buy for her DC but she was talking about gifts for distant relatives that 'she has to buy for', I tried to gently point out that if her relatives knew she was having to use a FB every week surely they wouldn't expect presents ....

To be honest this sort of attitude probably explains why a lot of people "need' food banks...the belief that they can buy unnecessary luxuries rather than spend on essentials, whole someone else provides for their basic needs. How ridiculous to prioritise present buying over feeding yourself and your children. Or even saving your money for emergencies.