I need perspective here.
Like many families we have the set up that my husband is the breadwinner and I am the part time worker.
my husband is a workaholic.
He does nothing else during the week. He does nothing with me or the DC. Monday to Friday all of our lives revolve around his job. He sees us for half an hour in the morning and then scuttles off to his office (he is still mainly working from home). He doesn't even tell me if he is joining us for dinner, even though he is upstairs (no one is allowed to interrupt him). I often get messages telling me not to bring the DC straight home from school as he has an important call that must not be disturbed. This is ok when the weather is nice but not so good now.
He seems to have created this life that his job is the centre and we all have to bow down to the work god.
We never really had a discussion about this. When I had my eldest I was all set to go back to work FT and hire a nanny. DH was really against this. I also had "the fear" about going back to work after maternity leave (that DH refused to share, it was new back then) and I think he saw that weakness to convince me to ask for PT hours instead. I distinctly remember suggesting that rather than me working 3 days we should both do 4. He said it would be impossible for him and never asked his employer. So, I ended up going back PT.
It basically ended my career (solicitor) and I ended up leaving and taking a job with my local authority - it is local, not highly paid but flexible and I get a decent pension. I had a second child.
I get to take and collect the DC from school each day. TBH the job has been perfect whilst having young children. However, there isn't much in the way of progression and I am a bit fed up of my job. I have been there 6 years.
I have been looking around for new jobs, nothing part time ever seems to be advertised and recruiters aren't interested in part time. I have had a couple of interviews and I was offered one role but it would have meant leaving the DC at breakfast club at 7.30am and collecting them at 6.30pm 5 days a week. I know other people do it but I think it will be a big adjustment, especially for my youngest.
In the meantime, my husband has excelled in his career and has massively increased his pay. We have bought a new house and increased expenditure as a result.
When we discussed me taking the job with a view to perhaps asking for part time in a few months and I again suggested that we both ask for 4 days - this seems fairest to me and also would not impact our finances. DC would only then need to have long childcare days 3 days a week.
He refuses to ask for part time.
He says that he would rather just quit and be a SAHP (which would be disastrous financially as we need his higher income).
He seems keen to quit. I find it a little laughable as he never cooks or cleans and rarely manages to empty the washing machine on the same day he loads it.
On the one hand I think it would be good for him to spend more time with the DC but then on the other I don't think it has to be all or nothing. He seems to think he has to work in this extreme way or not at all.
The irony is he thinks me working part time is perfectly acceptable.
Am I being unreasonable here? He makes me feel that I am.