To feel like this

[giraffes2021]

So me and DP been together 8 years 2 young children

I now work 3 days a week so he's main earner, not married, I pay nursery which is like £800 for 2 kids and my own bills such as car insurance fuel etc DP pays for mortgage etc.
Obviously he has a lot more disposable income than me, he's a bit more sensible than me always has money in the bank he's always been the higher earner. If I need money I ask etc and he'll give me money but it's just a crappy feeling always having to ask or say I need money for x y z or just not being in a position to be able to put a bit of cash aside. Obviously my income has dropped as I only do 3 days - isn't it just a shitty feeling as a woman or am I overthinking ?

You do realise you're putting yourself in a very very vulnerable position, don't you? You have no financial security at all. You are working part time to fund yourself staying off for the children. He is working full time and pocketing the money. No matter how much you like him, this is what is happening.

Why are you paying nursery for your joint children?

@underneaththeash because he pays the mortgage etc so it's just how it's always been done

@HollowTalk I know when you put it like that. But then again if I needed money he would give it me but I guess that's beside the point

It genuinely shocks me how many women say they pay for the childcare for their joint child out of their part-time wage and the father doesn’t. Why is the financial burden on you to pay for childcare?

yes that was what jumped out at me.

Why are YOU paying nursery for your joint kids?

Time for a conversation around money.
You ar efunding him working by being at home with kids, and he is then also pocketing the money earned. He gains twice and you don;t gain at all.

Definitely not overthinking, if anything the opposite, all joint expenses including childcare should be 50/50. Are you on the mortgage?

Of course he has money. He's got you paying for lots of big expenses. I bet when you say 'hes better with money than you' it's because you grab lunch snacks for the kids and new school shoes and the duvet cover your child needs and probably all their birthday gifts and food for their parties etc etc etc etc.

I could also be 'good with money' if I only had to buy for myself.

Why don’t you have a joint account and pool all of your money?

I work 3 days and my DP is full time, we have two children. Each month we keep the same amount each for spending and the rest goes into a joint account for everything.
I can’t imagine him keeping more than me each month and I think it’d make me feel resentful!

@Peanutmnm Jesus you've got that one right I didn't even think of that!

@totorostoes how does that work? Do you just decide on an amount ?

@totorostoes

I work 3 days and my DP is full time, we have two children. Each month we keep the same amount each for spending and the rest goes into a joint account for everything. I can’t imagine him keeping more than me each month and I think it’d make me feel resentful!

We do exactly the same, I always find it shocking how many people are in the same position as the OP and think that's okay.

[quote giraffes2021]@totorostoes how does that work? Do you just decide on an amount ? [/quote]
Yes exactly, we picked a suitable amount for us each to have, then rest goes into joint account for all bills and then the remaining goes into joint savings.

I do really only pay for my nursery and my own bills like car tax etc and he pays the rest mortgage gas electric council tax etc so I guess that's fair tho?

If you’re a couple, with a child, you should have a joint account and share your pooled income.

He’s being a grasping selfish prick tbh.

Why don’t you just add all
Your money together, pay the bills. Allocate some for children needs. Then spilt the rest in 3, one portion each and one to save.

[quote giraffes2021]@totorostoes how does that work? Do you just decide on an amount ? [/quote]
Yep we have £150 spends each and then each keep what our phone bill costs and I am currently paying into a help to buy ISA too so I actually keep more than him!
The rest goes into a joint account where our child benefit gets paid into and our rent, bills, food, presents, days out etc come out of that account.
I only earn less because I look after the children on the days I’m not working which enables him to work (and travel away for work also) so I don’t see why I should be financially disadvantaged due to this!

@giraffes2021
Work out what percentage of your total household income is, use this figure to work out how much of the bills you should each pay (mortgage, gas, electric, nursery fees). Your disposable income should then be relative to what you're earning.

When my DH was working, our incomes were usually about 60:40 (me:him) so I paid 60% of bills, he paid 30%. He didn't pay for my car insurance as he doesn't drive so that wouldn't have been very fair. Anything you both share should be split according to your salaries. Set up a joint account for you each to put money into every month to pay the bills.

Please tell me you own the house with him and are on the deeds? And that you're not spending your money on disposable stuff while he is investing his in property? I'd honestly consider going full time and splitting all bills in proportion to salary if you're not married. Why should you risk your, and your childrens futures? It would be different if you went part time with no kids because you couldnt be bothered working but presumably you have taken the hit on your earning potential mainly for their benefit? So you're sacrificing your salary for the sake of the family so it's not fair if he doesnt dotl the same

@Freddiefox we@WishICouldButIDontWantTo it's a bit more difficult as he's self employed so some weeks he could earn 2k other weeks he could earn £700 whereas Im on a salary

Sorry, I meant he paid 40% not 30%

@DrinkFeckArseBrick is that not assuming all relationships are going to fail tho? No I'm not on the house only because I had a house at the time so it would have meant stamp duty which we couldn't afford. I am 3 days due to childcare and wanting to spend time with my kids. Our relationship is very happy but we do squabble time to time due to money as I always feel like I have none but I know if I did need something he would give me the money.

@giraffes2021 DHs salary used to vary month to month as well (varying shift hours every week almost) but I was salaried. We worked out the percentage each month and paid into the account as appropriate. We also each put £50 into a savings account every month.

The way I’ve always split money with partners is by % of earnings.

So for example - if I made £20k and they made £60k, our household income would be £80k. My salary would be equal to 1/4 of that, so I’d pay 1/4 of our total bills.

Can you do something like this?

Also, it’s important to make sure that you are covering yourself financially, making sure your name is on the house, and so on. At the very least, making sure you always have a contingency fund to fall back on if you ever broke up. You don’t want to leave yourself vulnerable.