But then again if I needed money he would give it me
Really?
What if you needed it because he's become incapacitated?
What if you needed it to pay for his funeral?
Very foolish to be unmarried and not working full time particularly while there is a clear imbalance here in who has what money.
You are a family, resources should be pooled and everything fair and equal.
Does what he pays our monthly equate to the proportion of money he has available to him and does what you pay out equate to your income?
Do you have equal downtime? Just because you're not in PAID work full time doesn't mean you aren't working and don't need respite at times
Does he do chores?
You don't have to answer here/me but I think you need to consider these things yourself
Why aren't you married ?
@Peanutmnm I was thinking along those lines too this guys taking piss isn't he?
When I was married sometimes I was working sometimes not, sometimes I earned more sometimes he did.
Throughout the marriage we had a joint current account into which all income went and we worked out a budget and each had "pocket money" that was money set aside for personal spending as we wished.
ONLY having the joint account I regretted when we split as he emptied the accounts (we had a savings account too)
BUT because we were married he had to repay half that money as part of the divorce, if we hadn't been married I wouldn't have seen that money again nor my share of the car, computer, tv etc
A relative of mine was a sahm unmarried when her partner very unexpectedly died. Her "in laws" who she had previously thought she got along with took EVERYTHING inc the family home which was in his name. No will etc they basically cleared her out - legally
She had to return to full time work and put the kids in childcare and move home while they were all grieving terribly. The relationship with the in laws never recovered so the kids effectively lost grandparents and aunts and uncles etc too it was awful
Being unmarried is rarely a good idea where young children are involved.
so I guess that's fair tho?
Have you ever sat and written it out in black and white? Done a spreadsheet? I think that could be very illuminating for you.
If he's self employed he has to do a tax return right? So his annual income is listed there less tax - what is that averaged out weekly or monthly?
is that not assuming all relationships are going to fail tho?
1 unmarried couples are a lot more likely to separate anyway
2 the relationship WILL end at some point whether by separation or death. Death isn't always in old age, accidents and premature natural causes happen more than people like to think about.
Your name isn't on the house? What happens with the house if he becomes incapacitated and can't pay the mortgage? What about if he dies? What about if he has an affair and wants you out and ow in? You haven't a leg to stand on in ANY of these scenarios while you're unmarried. Not even if he leaves a will
What happened to the money from the sale of your house? Did it go into HIS house? Did it go on raising your joint kids?
No equity? Why did you sell?
how do I need to protect myself if something happens to him? Would it not just go to the children ?
No that's not how it works.
Plus if he is incapacitated and not dead it's REALLY complicated. And that's the most expensive and trying situation of all.
As he's self employed he really ought to have good critical illness and emergency care coverage. Good life assurance and an excellent will...
And even then there's no guarantees while you're unmarried as his parents and siblings can challenge
but I know that if I said I wanted to go on it he wouldn't have any issues then do that ASAP
Being married needn't mean a "wedding" but the marriage - even done at a registry office - affords you a lot of legal and financial protections you just don't have while unmarried
Legally home wise you have no more rights than a lodger at the moment
The time for tradition re waiting to be proposed to has LONG passed op.
Frankly were he a genuinely decent man he'd have sorted everything inc a proposal long ago.
You are not some innocent virgin, you have kids to protect now