It isn't stupid. Women are not taught about the need to protect their finances in school, therefore it is down to the privilege of having parents who can teach this, or watching others suffer or learning from bitter experience.
Agree with this
@Merryoldgoat I was the same when I met ex I was clear that I would be married before having dc. Not for moral or religious reasons but having seen what that relative went through I wasn't taking risks! I didn't in the first conversation say I expected it to be with him! Just in general that these were my life plans.
I didn't plan on being a sahm either but towards the end of the marriage things got really complicated and the job I was doing (childminding) became untenable I do regret that and wish I had worked outside the home as an employee as I'd have been in a a much less vulnerable position when it did all go tits up.
Op I was with ex 3 years before marriage, had the big white wedding, dd came along almost 6 years later due to gynae issues of mine, things seemed to be going along ok...and then he met ow.
An affair was totally out of character for him to the point his parents put it down to a breakdown - regardless of his relationship with me his relationship with his own family hasn't really recovered! They feel like they don't know him any more.
But I'm 49 I've seen all sorts happen to families and couples over the years. Redundancy, illness and disability, accidents resulting in the main income business being sued out of existence, bereavement...
You never know what's around the corner.
@wineandroses1 Thank you
My background is different though. Financially abusive father, vulnerable mother. When ex and I were first married he was financially illiterate and quite spendy. One almighty row occurred but it cleared the air and we sat and agreed a plan and generally we stuck to that and it worked for us, from that point on.
Ex being army was a major factor in my getting married when I did, much easier to move with them when army organises and picks up the tab! But dad was army too so I was aware of potential pitfalls too. There were times when ex said to me I didn't need to work, his income was enough for us - which it was, but I never liked being dependent on another person particularly one to whom any number of fates could befall them. That particular issue hit ex hard when he lost a colleague while on deployment.
I thought we were doing ok and so childminding worked around dd (I'd been a nanny before) while bringing in a decent income
But I came a cropper when we split and he emptied the accounts.
It was much harder then to transfer funds and to change what accounts things like child benefit were paid into (I think that still takes an age to fix!) it takes time to set up a new account, arranger current income to go into that account, to apply for and receive benefits etc
I would advise that women (as they are generally the more vulnerable and have care of the dc) always have an account of their own (based on my own experience a completely different banking GROUP to the current account, I initially opened an account with the same GROUO but different bank which I hadn't realised, he ran up an overdraft on the joint account and legally the bank could and did take funds from my account to pay off his debt. It got sorted in the divorce but - lesson learnt!) into which they can have payments made and set up necessary dds from.
Wherever possible it's good to have savings in there too. That way there's money available in emergencies, not just partner sodding off with ow (although that is v common) but even if he dies in suspicious circumstances (happened to a friend of mums, the friend being under suspicion for a brief time and as such prevented from accessing joint funds) or even other issues like if the banks system goes tits up! (This is why I also have a credit card that is a completely different underwriter and bank to my usual account)