Wits end with school

[autumnvibes1]

This isn't a AIBU but posting here for traffic.

I posted a few weeks ago about an issue that happened at my DS school between my DS and another boy in his class. This boy touched my DS inappropriately in the toilets and the matter was not dealt with well at all. Teacher did not call us, when i messaged her to ask her what happened and how it had been dealt with she ignored my questions. Me and DS dad requested a meeting with the Head he agreed the teacher should have rung us and that she didn't handle the situation correctly. He said it would be put into place that our DS would not be alone in the toilets with this boy anymore in class time. Also it would be relayed to DS class teacher that she should communicate effectively with us in future.
We thought matter would be dealt with better. Tonight my DS has come home and told us this boy pushed him over today at lunch time. DS told the Teaching assistant in his class who was on duty. The TA removed my DS from playing with his other friend to put him to play with a group of people he didn't know.
I don't understand why DS was removed from playing with his friend he was playing with and the boy who pushed him over wasn't taken away from my DS/ the situation. Especially after incidents that had happened before. The toilet incident was one of many but this was the most significant.
Nothing was told to us today and the head mentioned things would be mentioned more to us now to put us at ease with how matters are dealt with regarding this child. We didn't think anything else would happen as we had confidence the behaviours of this child would be dealt with.
This other child has also behaved similar to this with one other child that we know of.
I just don't know where to go from here because i feel like our concerns have fallen on deaf ears and the behaviour management is poor from the class teacher.
What would you do in this situation?

First of all, if this happened at lunch time the teacher wouldn’t have been present, and the TA may not have informed her of the incident.
Speak to the class teacher in the morning. Until you get the full story, it’s pointless getting annoyed.

@Soontobe60

First of all, if this happened at lunch time the teacher wouldn’t have been present, and the TA may not have informed her of the incident. Speak to the class teacher in the morning. Until you get the full story, it’s pointless getting annoyed.

Maybe, the TA does work in my DS class though. I raised concerns with the head about communication between lunch staff not being relayed to his teacher as other incidents have happened at lunch too.

.

At this point I'd probably be looking for a new school. This boy sounds a bit unhinged and obsessed with your DS I'd just move him away from that. If you don't want to do that just keep complaining and maybe something more will be done.

I agree with pp. if you are able, I would move schools. If the school aren’t acting since the original incident, chances are the leadership is ineffective and the head teacher is all words and no action.

Speak to the teacher
Apart from that go higher up.
The governing body for example
I'm sure they'd be keen to hear how how the teacher didn't call you in the phone about the toilet incident

How old are they?

They are both 5 years old.
I do have serious concerns about the leadership of the school. I feel the head has been riding on the coat tails of an outstanding from ofstead 7 years ago which he was not the Head for back then.
There are also other decisions (covid) that I don't agree with that he has made.

Not to also mention I've come across inappropriate tweets from the head on his own account that is public!

Inappropriate tweets?
What type of inappropriate?

Do you know any of the Governors?
If so, I would be telling them about the loo incident, the tweets and any other occurrences.

If you can sort this out now then his experience may be better than going elsewhere. Moving DS now, he may still have problems in his new school.

I agree with other posters that the teacher might not have known. The TA might have gone home or gone to another class and not seen the teacher. They might have woken at 0200 in the morning and remembered they hadn’t reported it - this happens all the time. One of the other 30 children on the playground might have Vomited which took precedence over your child being pushed over. There is always more than one thing happening in a school that the teacher will be spinning plates. Be kind, talk to them before making assumptions.
As far as not communicating with you, that’s a two way thing and there could be any number of reasons why they didn’t get back to you, I didn’t get back to the parent who emailed a demand during half term and whilst I was ill and they had been asked not to contact me. I didn’t receive any emails when my laptop was down . Again be kind and talk to them.

Whilst I don't know the details of the toilet incident.....this lunchtime sounds fine. I'm not sure why you expect to be told about that. School can't tell every parent every little thing that happens every day. Your son may have appeared happy to the TAs suggestion to play with someone else. You do have to have trust in the school.

As for a HM posting inappropriate tweets....please do tell us what they are about. He would be incredibly stupid to do this.

With regards Covid....what decisions did you not agree with? Are they his to make or directives from the DFE, LA or Public Health?

Paper trail. Detail the original complaint and later one and say you tried resolving with the head and the class teacher but have serious safeguarding concerns and that your son was sexually assaulted with peer on peer abuse. Ask for a meeting with chair of governors also report to any trust the school is a member of. Inappropriate touching of other students can be a indicator of abuse at home. Send the letter to the local authority and ofsted. Include all names times and full details

5 year old push each other. They are learning how to be and how to play. I really think that you should not expect an international style investigation and consequences from this. The children being separated for a short time and the instigator being reminded what is the right way to behave would be the norm. Your upset at the prior incident is making you overreact.

The reason I am annoyed about the lunchtime matter is because it's showing a pattern of behaviour with this boy towards my DS. The toilet incident should have been safeguarded but the teacher did not even record it. Therefore I'm lacking in confidence that this child's behaviour is being managed.
What's it going to take the school to do something about this child because atm they are not doing anything. Does my son have to wait until they are 7/8 and got touched even more inappropriately for this to happen.
On my last post a poster commented and said it took a huge incident for them to do something and the police had to be called. She had also had minor incidents like mine that were not taken seriously and she was fobbed off. I'll post the tweets with his name removed below.... when working with children you're told to lock down social media let alone post this on an open forum, also ironic he's the safeguarding lead.

@IAAP

Paper trail. Detail the original complaint and later one and say you tried resolving with the head and the class teacher but have serious safeguarding concerns and that your son was sexually assaulted with peer on peer abuse. Ask for a meeting with chair of governors also report to any trust the school is a member of. Inappropriate touching of other students can be a indicator of abuse at home. Send the letter to the local authority and ofsted. Include all names times and full details

Yes thank you and this is exactly my views. It's a indicator and as safeguarding lead he should know this. I've read there peer on peer abuse policy too.

Their*

A five year old touching other children inappropriately rings alarm bells for me. I'm sorry this is happening to your son- but I really hope that they are involving the proper safeguarding authorities for everyone's sakes.

Nothing to see in that tweet
I understand the rest of your concerns, but you're just reaching now.

Oh, sorry I see this has already been raised. The post you quoted is excellent.

@MrsGhastlyCrumb

A five year old touching other children inappropriately rings alarm bells for me. I'm sorry this is happening to your son- but I really hope that they are involving the proper safeguarding authorities for everyone's sakes.

I know and it did for me. They use something called the Brooks traffic light system to judge but she put it as a green behaviour when it was at least Amber and should have been safeguarded. The teacher did not safeguard and did not inform us as parents. She only informed the other child's parents. The reason this lunch incident has made me angry is because this child has repeat bad behaviours not all aimed at my scho but alot of them are. Putting in the toilet incident I don't want something else happening and I want my DS to feel safe in his class. Obviously I'm not blaming the other boy, there is clearly something going on his end too.

@Mistressiggi

Nothing to see in that tweet I understand the rest of your concerns, but you're just reaching now.

So you don't think that's inappropriate for a head teacher to write on an open forum?

There’s nothing wrong with that tweet.

So you don't think that's inappropriate for a head teacher to write on an open forum?

No. Why would it be?