Wits end with school

[autumnvibes1]

This isn't a AIBU but posting here for traffic.

I posted a few weeks ago about an issue that happened at my DS school between my DS and another boy in his class. This boy touched my DS inappropriately in the toilets and the matter was not dealt with well at all. Teacher did not call us, when i messaged her to ask her what happened and how it had been dealt with she ignored my questions. Me and DS dad requested a meeting with the Head he agreed the teacher should have rung us and that she didn't handle the situation correctly. He said it would be put into place that our DS would not be alone in the toilets with this boy anymore in class time. Also it would be relayed to DS class teacher that she should communicate effectively with us in future.
We thought matter would be dealt with better. Tonight my DS has come home and told us this boy pushed him over today at lunch time. DS told the Teaching assistant in his class who was on duty. The TA removed my DS from playing with his other friend to put him to play with a group of people he didn't know.
I don't understand why DS was removed from playing with his friend he was playing with and the boy who pushed him over wasn't taken away from my DS/ the situation. Especially after incidents that had happened before. The toilet incident was one of many but this was the most significant.
Nothing was told to us today and the head mentioned things would be mentioned more to us now to put us at ease with how matters are dealt with regarding this child. We didn't think anything else would happen as we had confidence the behaviours of this child would be dealt with.
This other child has also behaved similar to this with one other child that we know of.
I just don't know where to go from here because i feel like our concerns have fallen on deaf ears and the behaviour management is poor from the class teacher.
What would you do in this situation?

Or rather what you should both do

Little update.
Was phoned by the school yesterday and they had given my DS the wrong meal (he has allergies) which he ate.
Furious to say the least. Would now be a good time to get the governors involved?

Just to clear some stuff up, yes partner is a teacher but is not DS biological parent, we don't live together.

People saying about the tweet, on the schools code of conduct it clearly states all staff should have the highest security setting on personal social media accounts and they should not put anything on there that could put the school in disrepute. So essentially he is breaking their code of conduct.

But OP, no one else thinks the tweet does bring the school into disrepute. Just you.
Why focus on this when your child was put in danger by being given the wrong meal?
Do you want things to be fixed at the school, or do you just want to make them pay? If the latter I would just move schools.

@Tailendofsummer

But OP, no one else thinks the tweet does bring the school into disrepute. Just you. Why focus on this when your child was put in danger by being given the wrong meal? Do you want things to be fixed at the school, or do you just want to make them pay? If the latter I would just move schools.

Obviously i do want things to be fixed. I was just stating my reasons behind the tweet. Anyway yes they did put my DS in danger and i'm so cross. He goes to school and it's their duty to keep all children safe. Their excuse was it was a new person but that's not good enough. Luckily DS isn't ana but a small overlook like this could have cost someone's life but it has put my DS in discomfort the poor boy.

Set up a meeting with the head to ask for the plan to ensure mistakes won't happen again, with regard to the various issues you've had. If you're happy with what is said you'll need to give them a chance to improve. If you're not, by all means complain but in the meantime I would change the school.

Move him, but be ready to move again and again when the next schools don't mean your expectations. (Reading between the lines here, as a few of your complaints are actually valid)

Yes, i would be furious my child was removed from his friends at lunch time when it was not him at fault. Sends out the wrong message to your son, the other child in question and all the other children looking on !!

Given the wrong food causing an allergic reaction is pretty negligent.

Being touched inappropriately in the loos

Just with those is enough to raise the issue with the governors or whomever.

I do feel you would undermine your case if you made the heads social media account a big thing, maybe mention in it as you leave the meeting, but keep your meeting solely about thier mismanagement of these situations, don't let it get derailed.

Good luck.

I really think you need to change school if you can - you don’t trust the teachers or rate the head and as your son is only 5 it will be easier to move him now. You need to be realistic though - no school will manage every situation the way you might. There is an element of picking of your battles - inappropriate touching absolutely go to war, playground pushing? You aren’t going to win that one.

Plenty of teachers have social media accounts for work things and then separate accounts for personal things. Given the tweet was discussing show and tell, I would imagine it was a teaching account he has.

The meal situation is wrong. They've apologised. Only you can decide if you accept that and want to work with the school.

Either:
A) you don't like the head, don't think he is professional, don't have faith in how he runs the school, and you don't believe the school has the capacity to keep your child safe.
Or
B) There's been a couple of incidents that need addressing because they were wrong, but beyond that you're prone to seeking conflict and want to point score.

If it's A, then it's a no brainer to move your child and prioritise their safety and wellbeing.

If it's B, then you need to quickly realise the difference between big issues that need raising and petty moaning because you're likely to have issues at any school.

I don’t know how Governors and such work (we don’t have them in Scotland)….but if it was me I’d be kicking up as much Hell as I could.
They could’ve caused your son serious damage (or death….).
That’s just NOT right.
Take your son out if that school now. Like go to the school now and remove him.

OP In your posts you say enough to promote your arguments but not enough to enable constructive discussion.

You said in your original complaint reported on here that the boy poked your DS in the bottom. That could be a poke on the cheek or between his cheeks. There is a significant difference between the two.

With regards to the allergy, you do not detail the nature of the allergy. I have two significant food allergies, one could kill me, the other would trigger migraines and/or make me sick.

TBH you do sound determined to look for problems now and you do sound as if you want others to suffer real consequences; you seem vengeful. I am sure that you do not want to seem that way, but that is the risk that you are running.

Your DS is precious. He has come across another 5 year old who is naughty. But that child does not know that you are angry with the school and that you are unhappy with their behaviour and how it was handled and they are carrying on in blissful ignorance. You need to remember that.

You need to find ways to engage constructively and proportionately with the school. You can of course withdraw your son, but you need to remember that you can only do that once without impacting on your child. Constructing a "dossier of intelligence" on the school and the staff members seems excessive considering the events that you report.

What does the child’s biological child think?

Op, you despise the school and think failing your son. Is moving him a possibility?

I replied earlier to your question. I’m a Chair of Governors. Please go back and re-read it.

This is really important, especially to people who always reply “go straight to governors”:

You must follow the school complaints policy first. Governors are part of the complaints policy, but you cannot override the policy and straight to governors. We cannot get involved at this stage, and you’d be wasting your time as we would have to pass your complaint back down the chain outlined in the policy. Schools legally have to have a fair chance to resolve issues. You might think at this point that they have had a fair chance, but I’m afraid until you have been through the policy and put in a formal complaint to the Headteacher, and would still remain dissatisfied, it is only at that point governors could even look at it.
Follow the policy please. I do think you have grounds to complain, but the best way to do it is via the steps in the policy. It’s a formal process for everyone to follow.

Irrelevant

You being chair has bugger all to do with YOUR child specifically.

So if not happy, resign and move

@lentilsforever - I believe that post was aimed at OP not you.

@lentilsforever My post was not in reply to yours. My advice as a chair of governors is very relevant.

If I were you I really wouldn’t keep him in this school. Food allergies being overlooked when people are fully educated about how dangerous they can be is negligent in my eyes. Your concerns about the school are very valid. You are trusting the school to take care of your child and in a very short time there seems to have been many incidents where they have failed to do that.

Try being chair of governors
It’s only relevant in terms of her responsibilities as chair
It is not relevant in terms of her parent responsibilities

She is not happy with the school and thinks it failing her son and acting slowly.

Take the chair position out of the equation, and what would your advice be?

Re not try

@lentilsforever KloppsTeeth isn’t the OP. She is advising that people follow schools escalation processes if they want their complaints to be taken seriously which is really good advice.

KloppsTeeth isn’t the OP. She is advising that people follow schools escalation processes if they want their complaints to be taken seriously which is really good advice.
Agree with this.
On school threads there's often a lot of poor advice where posters without relevant experience tell posters to go straight to governors or the LA or Ofsted, or (not in the case of this thread obviously) make spurious safeguarding references to be taken seriously. It's advice that doesn't help posters get resolutions.

The OP needs to decide if she has faith in the school leadership or whether she does not believe they have the ability to keep her child safe. If I believed school was genuine unsafe for my child then I would be moving them and not sending them in each day, but if the OP wants to keep her child there then there's procedures to follow.

If you are complaining about a child protection issue - you are to go to local council first

TOC website “complaints about a school”

Gov website