AIBU? SAHM

[Barkalot]

I am a SAHM to my DD who is 1 and a half. This was my decision and was something I really wanted, and my husband supports this and earns okay enough for us to get by.

Due to this I also accepted this meant I'd also take on a lot more with my husband's son from a previous relationship who is 8. So when he stays with us (3 nights) I take him to and from school so my husband doesn't need to leave work early, same in the school holidays as it helps us save money for things like holiday clubs.

Recently my husband's ex has been struggling with this. She relied heavily on a family member to help her with things like school drop/pickup and school holidays. This relative is no longer able to help and she has told my husband that she is now really struggling to arrange everything around her work.

It has been broached, hinted and sometimes directly asked that I take on more with my step son during his mum's time to help her like taking to and from school and during the holidays mainly. We live close enough that this could work.

This is my AIBU because I don't want to do it. I appreciate this sounds selfish but I enjoy having some of the week to spend with DD, not being tied to school timetables or having to entertain an older child during the school holidays.

I feel bad though, my husband's ex has always gotten on well with me in the main. She was a little difficult at first but that stopped fairly quickly and we've always got on okay since.

AIBU to just stay out of this? And if asked say no sorry?

I appreciate that being a SAHM this meant it made more sense for me to do this stuff for DH during his time but I'm reluctant to do it on DSS' mother's too, as I really wanted to do this to benefit my daughter not to be used as a convenient SAHP for DSS as well.

Don't do it OP.

You have your DSS 3 nights a week!

Why can't your DH Son mum use breakfast club and after school club?

@Triffid1

The fact that your'e a SAHM is a complete red herring. During your DH's contact time with his son, he makes arrangements for his son's care. In this case, you and he have agreed that along with looking after your DD, you will also look after DSS. Fine.

But during DSS's mum's time with her son, it is up to HER to sort care.

I thought that was a basic tenet of co-parenting? Aren't people on here always ranting on about how the exH needs to sort the childcare when he has the DC during holidays etc? Surely it's the same here?

If DH's ex wants to renegotiate the terms of their arrangement, that is a separate conversation and as part of that conversation, DH would need to consider how he was going to cover childcare for his additional contact time. That may or may not include asking you to help out.

In effect, what DH's ex is doing is asking you, another woman, to take on her responsibilities because she doesn't have other solutions. While I feel sorry for her, I nonetheless am struggling to understand why it is YOUR problem. Frankly, I'm struggling to see why it's your DH's problem, never mind your problem.

Finally, you wanting time with DD without DSS is also a separate issue. As you point out, with the age gap, the reality is that you want to do things with DD that DSS won't do. We have a 4 year age gap and both of our children are ours. But we often still have to do things separately because DS' needs and wants are totally different to DDs.

Exactly This.

What a piss take! If I told my ex that his new wife needs to mind our kids for my job he would RIGHTLY laugh in my face!

Tell them to job on OP!