To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

Yanbu to be annoyed but just take her yourself moving forward and forget the police, you contacting her is more than enough to make her think twice about doing it again. She was doing you a favour and whilst you won’t be asking her again anytime soon, involving the police (who will do nothing) will just make you seem like a bit of a loon.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow
That all would be fine if you are making those risk assessments for your own child. However the woman wasn't making the assessment for her own child and did not give the op the opportunity to decide whether she was happy with the risk.

However, that said, if your child is the one child in 10 billion miles that's killed it's 100%.

Only on Mumsnet 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow with respect, eating is not more dangerous than rising in a car without a seatbelt[/quote]
It most certainly is - choking, aspiration and allergy.

And maybe that figure would be higher were it not for generally careful seatbelt use

Wow you are so overreacting! As a child we went at all speeds with no car seat and no seat belts in the back!

Yes it's important but I think you need to find some perspective here. Nothing awful happened. Just don't ask for her help again.

Of course seat belts coming in has been a brilliant thing.

They have saved countless lives.

But nothing happened. She got home. Just don't send her in the car again with the woman. As far as I can see, that's about it.

I would not report, but I would not let her give my child a lift again

At the end of the OP you’ve every right to be absolutely furious. I would be too.

However, going to the police is a bit stable door/bolted type thing. I’m sure this mum knows she’s fucked up and knows it is illegal so what’s the point? It doesn’t change what she has already done.

Thank god your dd was ok.

[quote DaphneDeloresMoorhead]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow
That all would be fine if you are making those risk assessments for your own child. However the woman wasn't making the assessment for her own child and did not give the op the opportunity to decide whether she was happy with the risk.

However, that said, if your child is the one child in 10 billion miles that's killed it's 100%.[/quote]
Sure, and I agree that the other mother should have consulted the OP. But calling the police and the level of rage on this thread is disproportionate to the risk involved.

I would feel exactly the same way you do if this happened to my child, it’s not acceptable and is completely irresponsible. However, I don’t think the police will help.
I just wouldn’t accept a lift from her again.

No I would not bother with that either

The risk is absolutely miniscule, though. And, before anyone jumps down my throat, I work in A&E/urgent care, so have unfortunately seen a lot of dead car passengers. You have to have a sense of proportion, though. The risk of death or serious injury while a passenger in a car being driven 5 miles at low speed by a sober driver is so low as to be virtually non-existent. The fatality rate for UK child car occupants is 10 deaths per billion vehicle miles - and that includes kids driven by drunk/stoned drivers. For the OP's DD, the risk from driving 5 miles with a sober driver is around 1 in a billion. There would be a single fatality from a journey of this type about once every 150 years in the UK, at current accident rates. Almost everything else that her DD could have been doing instead - walking, cycling, playing, eating - is more dangerous

Good to know

All calling the police will do is divert them away from an actual crime.

Just let her know you’re unhappy and don’t let her take your child again.

I'd be fucking livid op but probably not report to the police although maybe I'd keep an eye out for them in future and make a call when I noticed something happening again

And the survivor's bias on this thread is absolutely incredible. Yes ops child was fine this time. So that mother probably thinks it'll be fine to do again, and again, until one time it's not fine and some poor child gets injured or worse. Because "it was ok this time". It was also ok to smoke and drink in pregnancy, have no seatbelts in your car and put a baby to sleep on their stomach but you sure as shit wouldn't do it now would you, because you know better now!

Oh and while I'm on my soapbox, what's legal does not equal what is safe. Just because they can travel without a seat (or seatbelt in a taxi) doesn't make it safe and doesn't change the laws of physics in regards to the taxi situation. Whether you're in a taxi or your own car a crash will still have the same impact!

maybe the police could get her insurance details from her. Then you might be able to report her to the firm in the hope that they might do something punitive with her insurance.

Calling the police would be a massive overreaction (and also a waste of your and their time) but I totally understand why you're upset.

Interesting that the Mum put your child in the seat with a broken belt and not one of her one. Perhaps a case of it not being safe enough for her own children, but she was willing to put yours in danger.

I think not allowing her to drive your child anywhere going forward is the appropriate response. You can't change what has been done, but you can prevent it happening again in future.

@Wondergirl100

OP please calm down. The police will not be remotely interested and you will hugely sour your relationship with local mums.

She probably thought oh shit I have to get them there and just drove slowly - of course its wrong but not everyone feels as strongly about car seats and belts.

I have a 9 year old and this wouldn't bother me - I would just be glad another parent had got my kids to football and would make a note not to rely on them again. I am not saying you are wrong to be upset but I think you have to just take a deep breath and realise you and this woman don't see this in the same way.

It’s the law to wear a seat belt .... wouldn’t that bother you? .... Wouldn’t it bother you that your child could have died or had life changing injuries even driving carefully , if no seat belt was worn ? Or do you just not give a shit about your kid?

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

And maybe that figure would be higher were it not for generally careful seatbelt use

Seatbelts became compulsory for children in 1989. There was no immediate change in the death rates at all- they were actually marginally higher in subsequent years.

Don't get me wrong - I am strongly pro-seatbelt. I would never travel with someone else's child unrestrained in a car, unless it was a matter of life and death. But the fact remains that the OP's DD was exposed to a risk so minute that most of us struggle to understand how tiny the number is.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow you say The fatality rate for UK child car occupants is 10 deaths per billion vehicle miles - and that includes kids driven by drunk/stoned drivers but you do realise that is due to CAR SEATS AND SEATBELTS being used right? Look at the fatalities before car seat regulations improved or before seat belts were mandatory.

The police won't be interested but I wouldn't allow my daughter to travel in her car again.

I fully understand your feelings, I would be furious too. Most car journeys happen without incident, but no-one should ever take that kind of risk. And with someone else's child too.

Some of these comments. Predictable as ever.

To be fair, I'd have expected her to put her two children in one belt in the back and your child in the other.

However, I recall being begged by a mother to do her a favour and putting her child, as the 4th in the back and tucking her and my dd into one belt. Three full rear seats. When mine were small almost all dc were out of car seats by about 5/6.

Remembers school.pick-ups in the 70s when about 8 of us (or more ) scrambled into volvo estates with the rear seat down and sat four aside with a dog or two lolloping about. We lived on the wild side. Although that was nothing compared to one friend's dad who used to pick us up in the pig truck.

Perhaps because I'm old and remember no seat belts at all, I do think the response is a little disproportionate and the police have better things to do.

It’s the law to wear a seat belt .... wouldn’t that bother you? .... Wouldn’t it bother you that your child could have died or had life changing injuries even driving carefully , if no seat belt was worn ?
Or do you just not give a shit about your kid?

😂😂😂😂😂

The operative expression here is could have - the child was fine.

But yeah, I’m sure anyone not shrieking for a life sentence whilst clutching their pearls must not give a shit about their child.