To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

Can someone please explain why a 9 year old needs a car seat??

Sort your own arrangements to get your own child home next time.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy I did, read the OP properly, she took her to football

Well my 9 year old is under the U.K. minimum height to not have one.
And he will use one until he reaches the European minimum.

Nobody knows when they are going to be involved in an RTC

I agree and the 'but nothing happened' argument doesn't carry water with me. It's not the effing point! The reason the law is clear is because anyone can drive perfectly, slowly and safely and still have an RTC

@Fireatseaparks

I can't believe you're considering calling the police over this. Which number, 999 or 111?

Neither.

I wouldn't call 999 anyway and 111 is the NHS.

I honestly can’t believe how many people think this isn’t much of an issue.

When my DS was younger, he said his friend’s dad drove him back home and they didn’t have seatbelts on. I didn’t really believe him as was only four and I just didn’t think any adult would risk another person’s child like that. Reading this thread, I was obviously very wrong!

Calling the police however, well, no...

@xxxGirlCrushxxx

OP what PROOF do you have that this even happened?

My child's word and the mum's word.

Honestly why don't people read the OP?!

No car seat is not a problem. Seat belt is an issue. But ringing the police would be bonkers.

Calling the police will accomplish nothing. In the future, just keep in mind that this mum isn’t to be trusted/has no common sense.

@DeepaBeesKit

If your 9 year old is really only 3ft 7 (109cm) are you seeing an endocrinologist about that? My 4 year old is 114cm and most of his peers are you daughters height.

No I'm not. She has small genes and is perfectly healthy.

@lljkk

OP's 9 yr old is under the height of an average 6yr old girl?

That is tiny.

I hope OP feels better soon.

Yep, she's a dot - always has been. It's just how she is 🤷‍♀️ we both get sick of people pointing it out tbh, like we didn't know until some random tells us shes small

Drive your children around yourself then.

@Ivywild because seat belts are designed for adults and won't do much good if a child is under a certain height. In the uk it's 135cm, in some countries it's taller.

The Police? Seriously?

[quote GreenTeaPingPong]For all those saying OP is massively overreacting and sounds unhinged etc etc., spend one minute watching this video of what happens to a 3 year old and 10 year old in the back seat of a car without a seatbelt in a 30mph crash.

[/quote] That's terrifying

@Ivywild

Can someone please explain why a 9 year old needs a car seat??

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules

This explains it better than I can

@FreshFreesias

Drive your children around yourself then.

so you can be as dangerous as you like as long as it's with other people's children? That's your logic?

I’d be angry and would never ask her a similar favour again, but I don’t think calling the police achieves anything. Except maybe convincing all the other local mums to avoid you and your kids.

I’m surprised even a short 9 year old still used a car seat, but I’ve only got a toddler so I guess I’m just not up to date.

I can't get over this thread.

Nothing happened.

Girl sat in a car in the same way we all sat in the car, when we were growing up , as a one off.

@Nanny0gg

I understand why you're angry, but what do you think the police would do?

I don't think that is necessarily the right question. OP might wish to report as a matter of principle, irrespective of whether anything would be done.

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

I wonder how many posters would be as blasé as they think the OP should have been had this been one of their own children.

Nobody knows when they are going to be involved in an RTC and unfortunately I am involved in too many serious injury and fatal accidents at work to laugh off someone letting my daughter travel without a seatbelt for 5 MILES.

She should have called you, OP, and asked what you wanted to do.

The risk is absolutely miniscule, though. And, before anyone jumps down my throat, I work in A&E/urgent care, so have unfortunately seen a lot of dead car passengers. You have to have a sense of proportion, though. The risk of death or serious injury while a passenger in a car being driven 5 miles at low speed by a sober driver is so low as to be virtually non-existent. The fatality rate for UK child car occupants is 10 deaths per billion vehicle miles - and that includes kids driven by drunk/stoned drivers. For the OP's DD, the risk from driving 5 miles with a sober driver is around 1 in a billion. There would be a single fatality from a journey of this type about once every 150 years in the UK, at current accident rates. Almost everything else that her DD could have been doing instead - walking, cycling, playing, eating - is more dangerous.

@Cherryana

I can't get over this thread.

Nothing happened.

Girl sat in a car in the same way we all sat in the car, when we were growing up , as a one off.

And there's a reason the laws around seat belts changed. It wasn't for shits and giggles

@Cherryana

I can't get over this thread.

Nothing happened.

Girl sat in a car in the same way we all sat in the car, when we were growing up , as a one off.

Who is 'we all'? I always had a seatbelt growing up.

We used to send small boys up chimneys too.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow with respect, eating is not more dangerous than rising in a car without a seatbelt

My 10 year old DS is still in a booster (without a back) and he is at least 145cms so definitely more than the required height. I still feel safer with him in the booster as it means the seatbelt is at the right place on his shoulder. If we have extra children in the car he is the one that goes without the booster if needed. Generally he is the tallest anyway.

I would never drive the car with him or any other child unrestrained though, that's asking for trouble. I see your point of view, OP and understand totally. I also think the police won't be able to do anything. Definitely have a go at the other mother though and never let DD in the car with her again.

DS aged 7 is also quite tall and almost 135cm but he is still in a HBB and will go into a non backed booster when he outgrows the hbb.
I would be especially upset if my dcs were your dds height and rode without a booster, let alone a seat belt! It's all about the position of the seat belt.