To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

@Fogormist

Just compare risk - the risk of driving your young family on a completely unnecessary day trip 100 miles away at high speed on the motorway and back. Against the risk of a slow 5 mile drive on a safe road without a seatbelt. Why is 2 so outrageously dangerous you want to call the police, and 1 is absolutely fine? OP is being ridiculous and has a nasty vengeful streak. People of my age spent their whole childhoods being driven in cars with no seatbelts in the back. It's not a good idea, but spending 10 minutes without a seatbelt isn't a death sentence. Get a grip.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

What excellent logic, let's not bother with seatbelts because we do other dangerous things.

Just how my 'nasty vengeful' brain works 😂😂

@Katyppp

Why are MN mums always livid, angry, furious? And why dwell on something so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things? Some people do like to get on their high horse and prove what a good mother they are by waging their finger at other, lesser parents. You all need to calm down.

To be fair, it wouldn't be inconsequential if OP's daughter had died or had serious injury from flying through the windscreen

@Fogormist People of my age spent their whole childhoods being driven in cars with no seatbelts in the back

There would be hundreds of thousands MORE people of your age, if you hadn't all spent those years travelling without seatbelts.......

In 1980 alone (just picked a random year) 5,445 people died in the UK from not wearing a seatbelt.......

What was that you were saying?????

@Almostmenopausal well said. I'm another child of the 79s and have no idea why people are nostalgic for the days when children being killed or seriously injured in rta s was just "one of those things".

Calm down

It was your choice to let your daughter go in their car, the buck stops with you.

Fark me, it's too early in the morning for this level of stupidity.

The buck stops with the driver. Always. If I took your kids in my car, let them jump about and go in and out the boot as I drove 120mph, who would be arrested if caught, me or you? Genuinely want an answer for this.

The amount of patients who I have looked after who have died through choking is higher than you think.

Surely you don't care for people as a profession? Tell me that's not true when you can grasp basic safety?

Why does a 9 year old need a car seat?

I'd be pretty damn cross....most car accidents happen within a few miles of 'home' I believe. Motorway accidents are much rarer, although they get more attention.

No don't waste police time, but never let her drive your DD again. She's reckless with your DD's safety.

@LifesNotEnidBlyton

This thread is quite worrying TBH. This is a good example of the sort of idea some people have that something is only bad if something goes wrong. Because if this was a news article where a 9 YO had come smashing through the windscreen in an accident everyone would be asking "Why wasn't she wearing a seat belt?! The parents should be up for child neglect, that poor girl.". But because OP's friend made it to football with killing her daughter people "can't see the problem". Well the OP's friend saw enough a problem that she placed her own children in car seats, and with seat belts. It's really no good to say that it's OK because it didn't happen, because if the friend thought this was OK, and so do many commenters here, then there are many people who do this, and who are OK with the gamble. When some of those people inevitably don't reach destination that is the lives of multiple people taken or ruined, just because someone thought it'd be OK because the chance of a passenger (even more so one in middle seat, and small in size) coming through the windscreen was unlikely.

My thoughts exactly

I'm wondering why your daughter even thought to tell you this - mine wouldn't, she would just be happy to be spending time with her friends.

Because she's smart and understands the law, and was genuinely worried that she drove without a seatbelt. She's never done that before!

Ps - a friend of mine very sadly died, partly because she WAS wearing a seatbelt in a horrific M25 crash

Do you care to explain how not wearing a seatbelt would have saved her?

Just drive her yourself, and maybe have the decency to offer a lift to the other kids in future??

I really wish people would just flippin' read the OP.

I have given her child a lift. several times. HTH

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@hibye123 I think DD will be in a booster seat til she's 12 as she's only 3'7" now![/quote]
No, a 12 yo should not be in a car seat. Bit odd that a 9yo is still in one. Has she seen a doctor regarding how she is the height of a 6yo? Her tiny height (and possibly weight) might delay or not start puberty.

She would also have been horrified if I made her sit in a car seat at aged 9!

My DD Isn't especially happy about it but it's the law and it's tough shit. She can be horrified all she likes, that's life.

Also surprised so many people don't know rules around car seats. Most of DD's friends AFAIK still sit in High backed boosters

I also let my kids ride horses from the age of 3 - I assume OP, you'd have a problem with that too, unless they were wrapped up in cotton wool and bubble wrap?

What makes you think I give a flying monkey about what your kids do?

This thread is shocking. Have people lost all sense? It's clear why Brexit, flat earthers and anti-vaxxers are so much of a thing in the UK

I hate to think what action you'd take if she got injured at football - call the police?

Unlikely considering being injured at football isn't breaking the law

Poor woman, trying to get a bunch of kids to where they need to go

Genuine question - would you think 'poor woman' if they'd had an accident and my DD was injured or, heaven forbid, killed?

It would bother me a bit - not the car seat thing at all, (don’t know any 9 year olds with a car seat?!) but the seat belt. Tbh I’d be quite cross with my daughter for not saying to the mum “I’m not allowed to drive without a seat belt” or something. Because maybe in their families they occasionally risk it but we wouldn’t in ours and she knows that. Anyways I wouldn’t say anything or contact the police!!
I wouldn’t rely on her again though. (Or more likely next time I’d call her before and check that all seat belts were in order before accepting)

@Evesgarden

OP you are raging over an accident that never happened.

It didn't happen.

The take home lesson from this is drive your own kids.

YABU to waste police time over this and I would be disgusted if they took time of of their day to 'give this women a 'telling off' over this when houses are being burgled and serious crimes are taking place.

The fact an accident didn't happen is not the point. She put my DD at serious risk for no good reason. That's why I'm angry.

Good job you don’t live in some of the countries I’ve been to, cars in a shocking state of repair with bald tyres, mopeds with at least three people on etc. As for calling the police, what a waste of their time.

I wouldn't report her, because I don't think the police have the time to deal with it or know what they'd do.

However I wouldn't hesitate in making sure all friends and acquaintances at the school were aware of the situation, even if it meant loosing the friendship.

Tbh I had probably travelled with no car seat or seatbelt loads of times by aged 9 (I'm not that old for reference, not talking decades ago).

I understand the counterargument and that it isn't the law but honestly think you are being really overzealous about this.

I'd just not travel with her again, I really don't think this is worth burning bridges over.

Crikey OP. I am shocked. Not by your anger. Not even by what your friend did (she was in a bind and made a bad choice) but by the roasting you are getting on here.

It is completely understandable that you are angry about this. I would be too. In your friends situation I would have found an alternative, phoned you to explain and see what you wanted me to do, or if there was no alternative I’d have had my child without the seatbelt (unless on motorway and then I would have stayed put until someone could pick us up).

I can understand why you feel like phoning the police. It was illegal. However I don’t think it would make any difference. Youve made your point and I bet she won’t do it again.

You don’t need to justify your feelings about this to anyone. It’s understandable. If you can let it go now then do.

@Sally090807

Good job you don’t live in some of the countries I’ve been to, cars in a shocking state of repair with bald tyres, mopeds with at least three people on etc. As for calling the police, what a waste of their time.

And these countries have MUCH higher RTC death rates, so I'm not sure what kind of point you are trying to make.

@MsTSwift

The etiquette surely is to put your own child in the seat with no seatbelt. I’ve taken lots of kids around over the years and always put others kids safety first/ far more cautious with them.

That said I wouldn’t go mad over this or be cross - she was trying to do you a favour.

So what - she put her at risk, doing me a favour doesn't cancel that out. I cannot understand this mentality at all