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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
itswinterfall · 09/11/2021 07:12

Stop being so dramatic.
Just don't let your child go with them again Hmm

MumsGoneToIceland · 09/11/2021 07:13

It didn’t happen due to luck, nothing else. Someone sat in the middle seat with no seat belt could easily go through a windscreen if sharp breaking was required at any time.

Surely the take home lesson is for the driver that this is wreckless behaviour which means she could be responsible for someone else’s death in future and shouldn’t do it again. Let’s hope she doesn’t for other peoples sake in case her luck runs out.

It’s a real shame if the actual take home lesson should be you can’t trust anyone to follow the law to protect their passengers and should decline all lift offers in futures for this reason

Katyppp · 09/11/2021 07:14

And another one!
I might start a tally on how many are furious, how many are livid etc.
Bonus points to the incandescent and raging.

Evesgarden · 09/11/2021 07:18

@MumsGoneToIceland

It didn’t happen due to luck, nothing else. Someone sat in the middle seat with no seat belt could easily go through a windscreen if sharp breaking was required at any time.

Surely the take home lesson is for the driver that this is wreckless behaviour which means she could be responsible for someone else’s death in future and shouldn’t do it again. Let’s hope she doesn’t for other peoples sake in case her luck runs out.

It’s a real shame if the actual take home lesson should be you can’t trust anyone to follow the law to protect their passengers and should decline all lift offers in futures for this reason

You must waste so much energy raging about things that never happened.

Some of you lot what lift women in the stocks!

Rainbowqueeen · 09/11/2021 07:20

I’d ask her why she thought it was appropriate to put your child in the seat with no seat belt rather than her own child.

Fair enough if you want to take the risk with your own child but no way I’d ever do that with another child

miniona · 09/11/2021 07:20

@Katyppp

And another one! I might start a tally on how many are furious, how many are livid etc. Bonus points to the incandescent and raging.
Car safety of children is not something to make a mockery of Confused
Sally090807 · 09/11/2021 07:30

You mentioned a Renault twingo, this car only has 2 rear seats!

Sally090807 · 09/11/2021 07:34

Sorry posted to soon, if it’s a Renault twingo then it only has 2 rear seats and hence the reason for no seatbelt as there’s no middle seat. Surely if you knew her car then you should of know this. Is this the first time your child has been in her car?

clartins · 09/11/2021 07:35

You’re completely justified in being annoyed. It only takes the actions of one person or a distraction for a collision to happen regardless of the journey length. Personally, I wouldn’t report them if it was a one off but if it was something they regularly did with their children and others then I would report them online with my local police.

HalzTangz · 09/11/2021 07:38

@YourFinestPantaloons

I don't know expect an arrest or anything but a talking to so she doesn't do anything so bloody stupid again!
You've already talked to her, why does the police need to talk to her as well?

You've made your point, don't accept a lift in future. No need to cause any further aggravations (Which will back fire on you with the other parents, yes she was wrong but no one likes a grass) do you want to be known as the local grass, and your children be known as the local grasses kid

HalzTangz · 09/11/2021 07:44

@YourFinestPantaloons

The bus point isn't a good point as buses tend to fare safer in crashes than Renault Twingos
Do they really?

An unseatbelted child on a bus involved in a crash can and does sustain the same injuries to those on board

Gardeningtipsneeded · 09/11/2021 07:48

I’d be furious, give her a piece of my mind, wouldn’t ever let her have my DD again, and would probably warn my close friends. But not the police. You’d have to go a long way to get me to report you to the police, it’s a huge step for a mum that essentially made a really stupid decision when trying to help you out. Righteous anger goes so far, don’t tip into persecution

HalzTangz · 09/11/2021 07:55

You are obsessing. You are finding reasons to still call the police despite virtually everyone saying this is way OTT.

Cheeeeislifenow · 09/11/2021 07:57

ou are obsessing. You are finding reasons to still call the police despite virtually everyone saying this is way OTT

Op is not calling the police quite a lot of people agree with op. How is she obsessing? By posting on her own thread?

Cheeeeislifenow · 09/11/2021 07:58

Sorry posted to soon, if it’s a Renault twingo then it only has 2 rear seats and hence the reason for no seatbelt as there’s no middle seat. Surely if you knew her car then you should of know this. Is this the first time your child has been in her car

I would not know this either. The mum should not have offered a lift then.

Romeiswheretheheartis · 09/11/2021 07:59

Plenty of people don’t. My daughter was in a proper car seat until she was 10. None of her friends were. Only a few of them used a booster. Whenever her friends parents gave her a lift, we would say she needed it for her disability because otherwise they wouldn’t bother. I didn’t want to be that parent pointing out it was the law.

My daughter had a booster seat till age 12 as she was short for her age, and it used to amaze me how many parents didn't bother for their kids who were also below the minimum height/age requirements. It was like some sort of badge of honour how young their kids could be not to have a booster Hmm

From some of the comments on this thread, taking risks without seatbelts seems to be viewed similarly......

StrongArm · 09/11/2021 08:01

what's also really poor is she didn't want to put her own children at risk so they had child seats and seatbelts whereas yours didn't!

Fomomofo · 09/11/2021 08:01

Yeah leave the police be and calm down, what's done is done

Tumtitumtum · 09/11/2021 08:05

My 9 year old is still in a booster, I suspect she will be longer than my 7 year old asher Asian genes came through stronger and she just doesn’t grow, teeny tiny and light as a feather so don’t have a go at OP for that.

I wouldn’t call the police but I would be very pissed off and she wouldn’t be going again.

Guavaf1sh · 09/11/2021 08:07

Don’t call the police. It will achieve nothing except you being hated by all the other parents and laughed at by children. Your poor daughter will be ostracised and for what?!

thevassal · 09/11/2021 08:08

Wouldn't call the police as pps said they won't do anything.

Couldn't she have stretched one of the side seat belts over so it also covered the child in the middle? They can stretch pretty far if neither child is in a car seat. I've done that to transport a tv before! Would have been better than nothing! But really really cheeky to make your kid sit in the middle seat and not her own!

Cheeserton · 09/11/2021 08:09

Police ?? Lay off the glue.

Firmly bollocking them for putting your child in danger? Obviously well in order. Up to you to consider whether you trust them ever again.

Kitkat151 · 09/11/2021 08:11

@Fogormist

Just compare risk - the risk of driving your young family on a completely unnecessary day trip 100 miles away at high speed on the motorway and back. Against the risk of a slow 5 mile drive on a safe road without a seatbelt. Why is 2 so outrageously dangerous you want to call the police, and 1 is absolutely fine? OP is being ridiculous and has a nasty vengeful streak. People of my age spent their whole childhoods being driven in cars with no seatbelts in the back. It's not a good idea, but spending 10 minutes without a seatbelt isn't a death sentence. Get a grip.
Do you know how fucking ridiculous you sound with these posts? You are making a complete twat of yourself...... 5 minutes without a seat belt can be a death sentence
MumsGoneToIceland · 09/11/2021 08:12

@evesgarden - it did happen, it happened to my grandmother before wearing seatbelts became law as I mentioned in a previous thread, it just didn’t happen to the OP’s daughter luckily on this occasion. Surely it’s best to learn a lesson and make changes before the inevitable happens than to just say well it doesn’t matter because nothing happened so don’t worry about it.

Also,I don’t think worrying about safety and trying to prevent injury/death automatically equates to worrying about everything in life either.

Nishkin · 09/11/2021 08:12

@Sally090807 if you read the post again the op did not know at the time she accepted the offer that the other mum was giving a lift to another child

It’s all there in the opening post

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