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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
timestheyarechanging · 09/11/2021 05:46

Please don't call the police. I'm struggling to think why you would even consider doing so. The woman was trying to do you a favour. Yes, not an ideal situation, but your daughter is fine, no problem.
Why would you want to cause a person who is trying to help you out, unnecessary hassle?
I'm wondering why your daughter even thought to tell you this - mine wouldn't, she would just be happy to be spending time with her friends.
I always seat belt my kids and other passengers but I was 12 when they became compulsory and I'm here, along with all my friends and family, to tell the tale.
Ps - a friend of mine very sadly died, partly because she WAS wearing a seatbelt in a horrific M25 crash.

timestheyarechanging · 09/11/2021 06:00

Just drive her yourself, and maybe have the decency to offer a lift to the other kids in future??
My daughter is a police officer working on RTC and she wouldn't be interested in your 'case' at all. She would also have been horrified if I made her sit in a car seat at aged 9! My word, she would be going to senior school just over a year later.
I also let my kids ride horses from the age of 3 - I assume OP, you'd have a problem with that too, unless they were wrapped up in cotton wool and bubble wrap?

MumsGoneToIceland · 09/11/2021 06:03

I’m shocked for the hard time you are having on here OP. Of course YANBU to be livid and worried that this mum may make the same decision in future. I don’t agree with calling the police but I think you reached that conclusion a long time back in the thread.

She had no right to break the law and put your child in danger. Her options were: call you, abandon trip or make the call to put her own child at risk if she thought it was ok not yours!

For those who are saying you are being ridiculous, the roads were quiet, she was driving slow etc, I wonder what the reaction to this post would have been if the OP said an accident had occurred.

My grandmother was killed in the back of the car 32 years ago, when the car she was in pulled out of a road from stationary and was hit by another car. Shortly afterwards seatbelts in the back of cars became law. Mistakes and accidents happen at any speed and they can kill.

Really glad your dd is safe OP.

timestheyarechanging · 09/11/2021 06:09

Poor woman, trying to get a bunch of kids to where they need to go (and probably has had a stressful day already) and now being threatened with police intervention. Put your daughter on a bus - no car seat, no seatbelt - I'm sure she'll survive. Or drive her yourself.
I hate to think what action you'd take if she got injured at football - call the police?! My son broke his collar bone playing football aged 10 - should I have called the police to report the coach?
No I didn't, wouldn't have even entered my head. Wore a collar for 6 wks and He's 16 now and won the schools World Football cup last year.
Get a grip OP

itsgettingwierd · 09/11/2021 06:23

All the "drive your kids yourself then" comments are just rude and miss the point.

Aside from the fact we are encouraged to carpool due to climate crisis this parent offered to take the kids.

When you offer to take someone else's child on a trip you don't get to make the decision to put them in an illegal and potentially fatal position.

If you think that's fine do it to your own!

I can understand why your cross OP. I agree with others police is too much but I can see you've realised this yourself now.

DBI78 · 09/11/2021 06:24

You are absolutely right to be angry. I would be furious but don't think police would be bothered tbh. I would not let my child in her car again. I really don't understand some people's dangerous attitudes towards being in cars. It's not the 1980's anymore, there's so many cars on the roads now. It's lucky nothing happened and your daughter is thankfully safe.

Thatsplentyjack · 09/11/2021 06:28

@Fogormist

Just compare risk - the risk of driving your young family on a completely unnecessary day trip 100 miles away at high speed on the motorway and back. Against the risk of a slow 5 mile drive on a safe road without a seatbelt. Why is 2 so outrageously dangerous you want to call the police, and 1 is absolutely fine? OP is being ridiculous and has a nasty vengeful streak. People of my age spent their whole childhoods being driven in cars with no seatbelts in the back. It's not a good idea, but spending 10 minutes without a seatbelt isn't a death sentence. Get a grip.
Why would you be travelling at 100? The speed limit is 70.
Thatsplentyjack · 09/11/2021 06:30

Also, where did the OP say she drove slowly? She said a collision at 30 could have killed her dd, but I think she was just stating a fact.

MumsGoneToIceland · 09/11/2021 06:43

There is a law on wearing seatbelts for a reason @timestheyareachanging. Not the same as a football accident unless of course the coach had been negligent in not following the safety procedures and protocols in place to prevent such an injury,

This thread isn’t even about the police anymore, the OP is being a given a hard time for even being angry about it. She made her expectations clear around her daughters safety when she asked the woman if she needed a car seat. The woman assured her she had the required car seat for her to sit in, she wasn’t even in a seat belt! Note, the driver didn’t put her own daughter at unnecessary risk too but someone else’s.

mathanxiety · 09/11/2021 06:49

Also, where did the OP say she drove slowly? She said a collision at 30 could have killed her dd, but I think she was just stating a fact.
She said would have killed her child, not 'could have'.
'Overreaction' isn't the word for the OP's response here.

I'm old enough to remember traveling in cars that didn't even have seatbelts installed in them.

ElftonWednesday · 09/11/2021 06:49

I wouldn't call the police, but I'd let all the other parents I know at the club know about it when I see them. If someone did something like that locally the social embarassment would be huge.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/11/2021 06:52

I'd be annoyed, I'd not let my daughter go in her car again. Reporting her to the police would never cross my mind.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/11/2021 06:53

deal with the situation yourself.
no need to involve police

say no to further lifts

Iwab82 · 09/11/2021 06:53

I would've been angry too, she didn'tneed to offer lifts to 2 extra children if she didn't have capacity to drive them safely.. She should have called. Also, surely she knew the belt was broken and can she actually fit all 3 seats in the back anyway?

Evesgarden · 09/11/2021 06:59

OP you are raging over an accident that never happened.

It didn't happen.

The take home lesson from this is drive your own kids.

YABU to waste police time over this and I would be disgusted if they took time of of their day to 'give this women a 'telling off' over this when houses are being burgled and serious crimes are taking place.

Evesgarden · 09/11/2021 07:01

@ElftonWednesday

I wouldn't call the police, but I'd let all the other parents I know at the club know about it when I see them. If someone did something like that locally the social embarassment would be huge.
This is actually really nasty. Too early for this shit.
glitterelf · 09/11/2021 07:01

I cannot believe how many people seem to think the Op is overreacting, if this woman had been involved in an accident especially where her child was positioned it could have been catastrophic. Fwiw @YourFinestPantaloons I have reported a parent for ferrying young children around without the appropriate car seats and without wearing any seats belts. I reported via the online report system and they did come out and speak to the parent. Unfortunately for her they found other issues and she was fined. You could report the same way and unless she rushes out to fix the faulty seat belt then there is the evidence that she has broken the law.

Roselilly36 · 09/11/2021 07:02

It is the drivers responsibility to ensure minors use a belt, car seat etc. Having said that, your DD is thankfully unscathed, I can understand your anger, but I would speak to the mum, personally I would not involve the police, in case the mum was fined or points added to her license that could affect insurance premiums in the future. It was a stupid thing that she did, no way would my child go in her car again.

Katyppp · 09/11/2021 07:03

Why are MN mums always livid, angry, furious?
And why dwell on something so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things?
Some people do like to get on their high horse and prove what a good mother they are by waging their finger at other, lesser parents.
You all need to calm down.

MsTSwift · 09/11/2021 07:06

The etiquette surely is to put your own child in the seat with no seatbelt. I’ve taken lots of kids around over the years and always put others kids safety first/ far more cautious with them.

That said I wouldn’t go mad over this or be cross - she was trying to do you a favour.

MsTSwift · 09/11/2021 07:06

Agree Katy! How do they get through life!

miniona · 09/11/2021 07:07

Bloody hell, there are some genuinely concerning responses on this thread with regard to car safety.

OP i would be LIVID, not sure what can be done about it though.

miniona · 09/11/2021 07:10

I reported a parent to nursery for driving their (approx 2-3 year old) child in the front seat with no car seat of any sorts. Nursery sent emails around reminding about car safety and the legalities. Turns out the parent only lived around the corner and thought it would be fine...

PiglingBlonde · 09/11/2021 07:11

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/732446.nurse-jailed-eastern-bypass-crash/

This accident happened where I grew up. It was astonishing how many people minimised the accident, blamed the parents of the children for allowing them to have a lift, blamed the driver coming the other way even though they crashed straight into him rather than acknowledge that perhaps their driving in the past had been less than perfect.

MingeofDeath · 09/11/2021 07:12

By all means report this to the police and be prepared to be laughed at. Massive overreaction, your DD is fine.