To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

I'd be furious. I have experienced something similar. Never allowed them to travel or go for playdates with that family again. My children were still in highback carseats/booster at age 9, one of my children was small for their age at 9 so needed the carseat.

@YourFinestPantaloons

a seatbelt obviously doesn't prevent risk

Fuck me this thread has really reached peak stupidity.

Yes I let her cross the road but I also make her look both ways as well rather than just blindly rubbing into the road - we all try and reduce risk and anyone letting passengers travel without a seatbelt is increasing risk. SURELY you aren't so thick that you can't see the difference?

I'm not thick at all, thanks, and I therefore think OP is treating seatbelt wearing as a religion rather than as one measure taken to reduce risk. In this case, a slow 5 mile drive on a quiet road, the risk was tiny. If you drive in a car, there is always some risk of an accident. If OP is this worried about risk, she should absolutely not be allowing her child to drive in a car unless it is absolutely essential for her to do so. Does she drive on the motorway for a few hours to take the family on holiday? Drive her child to activities every afternoon? Those many many hours in the car - completely unnecessary - carry a significant risk of an accident, and wearing a seatbelt diminishes the risk of serious injury or death, but doesn't remove that risk. Why so absurdly worried about this occasion? Why completely unworried about all the unnecessary driving?

I genuinely do not think the OP is overreacting at all!

I would be annoyed about them even forgetting the car seat. To then drive with a child in the middle with no seatbelt on is downright dangerous. It was not her call to make. Someone doing a favour or returning one does not meant they get to make that call for someone else’s child. Notice she didn’t have her child sit on the middle!

Pointing out a seatbelt doesn’t prevent risk is ludicrous- it significantly reduces the risk of death or injury and a collision while unbelted is not comparable to crossing a road or climbing a tree.

Just compare risk - the risk of driving your young family on a completely unnecessary day trip 100 miles away at high speed on the motorway and back. Against the risk of a slow 5 mile drive on a safe road without a seatbelt.
Why is 2 so outrageously dangerous you want to call the police, and 1 is absolutely fine?
OP is being ridiculous and has a nasty vengeful streak.
People of my age spent their whole childhoods being driven in cars with no seatbelts in the back. It's not a good idea, but spending 10 minutes without a seatbelt isn't a death sentence. Get a grip.

@Fogormist you are being pedantic. It is so outrageous as another mum made the choice without consulting OP or trying to make other arrangements. Accidents happen- if the child was wearing a seatbelt they would have been secure in the middle. They were not and there would nothing to stop them hitting the windscreen. Yes it might not be likely but it can happen it it’s no-one else’s right to make that choice for your child.

People of your age didn’t wear a seatbelt as they were not fitted in cars. They are now and for good reason. The “it never done me any harm” attitude is incredibly ignorant.

I’m with the OP.

But the police don’t have time or resources to pop round and have a word with the mum.

Once you’ve chatted to your schoolgate mum friends about it, they’ll Chinese whisper the incident to death for you on your behalf and the mum will soon end up as gossip fodder as the woman who crashed her car with other people’s kids in, unbelted.

I was a young child just before seat belts were compulsory, we were in a low speed crash, I was thrown sideways across the back seat and my head hit hard into the window, lucky it was closed at the time. I would never allow anyone to not wear a seatbelt in my car.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

The risk is absolutely miniscule, though. And, before anyone jumps down my throat, I work in A&E/urgent care, so have unfortunately seen a lot of dead car passengers. You have to have a sense of proportion, though. The risk of death or serious injury while a passenger in a car being driven 5 miles at low speed by a sober driver is so low as to be virtually non-existent. The fatality rate for UK child car occupants is 10 deaths per billion vehicle miles - and that includes kids driven by drunk/stoned drivers. For the OP's DD, the risk from driving 5 miles with a sober driver is around 1 in a billion. There would be a single fatality from a journey of this type about once every 150 years in the UK, at current accident rates. Almost everything else that her DD could have been doing instead - walking, cycling, playing, eating - is more dangerous.

And the numbers are low perhaps because we wear seat belts ?!

@KeepPortlandWeird

I’m with the OP.

But the police don’t have time or resources to pop round and have a word with the mum.

Once you’ve chatted to your schoolgate mum friends about it, they’ll Chinese whisper the incident to death for you on your behalf and the mum will soon end up as gossip fodder as the woman who crashed her car with other people’s kids in, unbelted.

OP, this may give you a sense of justice, and she would deserve all the snubs she gets for putting someone else’s child at risk while making sure her child was safely buckled in, as I’m sure she herself was wearing a seatbelt too as driver (even if it was ‘only 5 miles’).

@BluebellsGreenbells

You can get three seats in the back! She chose not too!

I’d give the shared lifts a miss.

Surely that depends on the car and seats in question. I can in mine, but my mum's and sister's cars there's no chance of fitting three seats.

the risk was tiny

Unless you were the other parent how can you possibly know?

Plus the risk was high enough she chose not to take it with her own child.

And it was with the most dangerous seat in the car to be unbelted.

Plus 60% of fatalities happen on non-motorway roads so your motorway comparison is just daft.

@Pascal80

Leave it out fgs the police have enough to do.

Do southerners really say "leave it out?!?!" I haven't heard that since Only Fools & Horses!! 🤣🤣🤣

@musicalfrog Yes and millions of children died as a result!!!!!! That's why Laws changed!!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

@YourFinestPantaloons

a seatbelt obviously doesn't prevent risk

Fuck me this thread has really reached peak stupidity.

Yes I let her cross the road but I also make her look both ways as well rather than just blindly rubbing into the road - we all try and reduce risk and anyone letting passengers travel without a seatbelt is increasing risk. SURELY you aren't so thick that you can't see the difference?

Don't bother engaging with these guys any more. I've read the full thread and it's clear they're trying to get a reaction but can't really think it's ok. Some people do that in here, for the sake of an argument. It's so odd! If they do seriously believe it's fine then god help their kids!

For historical accuracy......we had seatbelts in early 70s and DC never travelled anywhere unless they were done up. It's ludicrous to say mothers on this thread didn't have them as children. The research was there.

I say leave it out & am Aussie

But really liked that song by The Streets “you’re fit but don’t you know it”

What would upset me the most is her lack of consideration and care for your DD. Firstly she forgot the car seat, and secondly she had your DD ride without a seat belt instead of her own child. Faced with this situation, I probably would have still done the journey but with my own child in the middle seat, never anyone else's. I would not call the police, there is nothing they can do and even if you think this is justified, it will definitely sour your relationship with the other mums because they will be worried about your reactions to anything they do if they have your DD with them. Just don't let her drive your DD again.

This thread is quite worrying TBH. This is a good example of the sort of idea some people have that something is only bad if something goes wrong. Because if this was a news article where a 9 YO had come smashing through the windscreen in an accident everyone would be asking "Why wasn't she wearing a seat belt?! The parents should be up for child neglect, that poor girl.". But because OP's friend made it to football with killing her daughter people "can't see the problem". Well the OP's friend saw enough a problem that she placed her own children in car seats, and with seat belts. It's really no good to say that it's OK because it didn't happen, because if the friend thought this was OK, and so do many commenters here, then there are many people who do this, and who are OK with the gamble. When some of those people inevitably don't reach destination that is the lives of multiple people taken or ruined, just because someone thought it'd be OK because the chance of a passenger (even more so one in middle seat, and small in size) coming through the windscreen was unlikely.

@1Endeavour2

For historical accuracy......we had seatbelts in early 70s and DC never travelled anywhere unless they were done up. It's ludicrous to say mothers on this thread didn't have them as children. The research was there.

I don’t know where you got your “facts” from, but they are wrong! I’m a mother on this thread and I didn’t have a seatbelt as a child. In fact for a while my dad drove a van and we didn’t even have seats in the back!

Jeez, times have changed. Remember being driven around town in the foot well, or with spare kids in the boot. Awfully dangerous, and would never in a million yrs do it with dd, but middle seat for a 5min journey, no issue. The fact the seat belt wasn't working is the only part I'd be annoyed about tbf. But I wouldn't ring the police over it.

I would be absolutely livid if someone did that to my child. I might not call the police but I sure as hell would NEVER let her take my child anywhere again, and wouldn't be offering favours in return either.

@YourFinestPantaloons

And as "sort your own child out next time". Does letting someone else give your child a lift (as a returned favour might I add) allow them to put them in dangerous situations?

It was your choice to let your daughter go in their car, the buck stops with you.

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow with respect, eating is not more dangerous than rising in a car without a seatbelt[/quote]
The amount of patients who I have looked after who have died through choking is higher than you think.

Don't waste police time.

@YourFinestPantaloons

The bus point isn't a good point as buses tend to fare safer in crashes than Renault Twingos

YABU for making your child sit in a Twingo. Gert ugly mum mobiles, the seat belt is the least of her problems. I hope she recovers from the trauma of being forced to sit in such an ugly vehicle 😂