To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

This exact thing happened to me today! Went to drive son's friend home and for some reason the belt just wouldn't work.

He held it in place and I drove really carefully.

If his Mum phoned the police on me I would be absolutely fucking gobsmacked.

What would my alternative have been? To make a 9 year old walk three miles home over fields in the pitch dark?

Your response is absolutely ridiculous.

Why did you get him to hold it in place if it wasn’t working? Oh yeh ...that would be in case you passed a police car 🙄

Wow you are so overreacting! As a child we went at all speeds with no car seat and no seat belts in the back!

@musicalfrog so what - why do you think laws changed? For the fun of it?

The operative expression here is could have - the child was fine.

So if there had been an accident and my DD injured, would it have been an overreaction from me?

Because I can't cope with that level of stupidity - the action was the same, despite the outcome.

@wasthataburp

What she did isn't actually illegal though. Please don't waste the police or anyone else's time with this. Just don't let your kid in her car again.

It absolutely is illegal to allow a person to travel in your car without a seatbelt

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Either way I broke the law, it was that or leave a 9 year old at home alone in the dark which he is scared of. But adults...you know, sometimes life happens and we have to make a judgement call. And in my case and in the OPs it all turned out fine.

I don't feel bad about it, despite the massive dramatics on this thread. Write her a letter, for gods sake! Who the fuck would do that?!

Genuine question - why didn’t you put your child in the seat with the broken seat belt?

Police? Wow that’s extreme. YABU

@RosesAndHellebores

If the alternative was leaving the child five miles away from home in the dark, while she waited for her own mother to arrive I know which I'd have preferred

OR there's many in between solutions. Such as no football for anyone, which is what I'd have done. It was only a practice!

@waternfire

So why didn't her 9 year old dd sit in the middle? Aren't they the same age?

My DD is older, but about 7 inches shorter!

I'd be furious but I wouldn't call the police, they'll think you're bat shit and won't do anything. But I'd feel the same way if someone put my child at risk like that, why the hell didn't she have her own DC go without a seat belt if she thought it was so low risk, that would infuriate me too!

It is outrageous that she drive a child without a seatbelt, and I would be very angry.

But your OP is to ask if YWBU to call the police.

Most Pp (and I) think you would be unreasonable to call the police.

Which you have now said you won’t do.

No one thinks it was an OK thing to do.

@EdgeOfTheSky

It is outrageous that she drive a child without a seatbelt, and I would be very angry.

But your OP is to ask if YWBU to call the police.

Most Pp (and I) think you would be unreasonable to call the police.

Which you have now said you won’t do.

No one thinks it was an OK thing to do.

APart from @BlameItOnTheBlackStar .... who did the same thing today...and is proud of it

My thinking in calling the police was to give her a shock really - if she did it with another child and the outcome wasn't good, I'd be wracked with guilt that I could have stopped it.

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar have you told the other child's parents about not strapping him in?

I would be upset and not let her take your daughter again but surely that's a bit of a step to far to want to report her. If you have ever travel on a bus, you don't wear a seat belt on there so who will you report that too. Bus drivers don't particularly drive top safely either but I'm sure the mum, who by the way was doing you a favour, would have driven carefully.

APart from @BlameItOnTheBlackStar .... who did the same thing today...and is proud of it

Lots of other posters too.
I have accidentally left boosters in the other car etc, however I would make the judgement call for MY child only. My 8 year old would go without the booster.
I cannot believe the amount of people on here who think that this was fine. If there had been an accident, would it still be okay?

I find it horrifying that people are questioning why a 9 year old still requires a car seat! 🤦‍♀️

The parent should have made alternative arrangements when she realised that the seat belt wasn't working, if that meant staying at school with children until alternative arrangements could be made, then so be it. She was extremely irresponsible, if she thought it was safe, why didn't her own child sit in the seat with the broken belt!

No child of mine would be setting foot in that car!

You're massively over reacting. My younger brother regularly travelled in the boot when we were kids, if we had other people in the car.
Your daughter is fine, no harm done. Don't let her travel with this parent again.

The police are there for actual emergencies & serious issues.

What a waste of police time! OP admits she wants to do this to give the lady a scare. This is not good use of police time.

Get some guts & advise this parents that they have done the wrong thing. Don’t make frivolous calls to the police because you want to give a parent a “shock”

People complain the police take too long to get there but look what idiocy they have to deal with on the daily!

Get some guts & advise this parents that they have done the wrong thing. Don’t make frivolous calls to the police because you want to give a parent a “shock”

This. FGS we get it. She shouldn’t have done it. But the whole “I couldn’t live with myself if it happened to another child…” is disingenuous.
You’re pissed because she put your kid in danger so just bawl her out over the phone like a normal person, there’s no point rising an army of angry Mumsnet strangers.

Jesus Christ.

Get some guts & advise this parents that they have done the wrong thing. Don’t make frivolous calls to the police because you want to give a parent a “shock”

Op has already said she has spoken to parent, op has said she is not going to the police. Op is rightfully and justifiably angry.

Your reaction is ludicrously over the top. I think a lot of people would have made the same decision. The risk - on a quiet road and driving slowly for only 5 miles - was tiny.
Do you ever allow your DD to cross a road? Or to walk on a pavement? Or, God Forbid, to climb a tree? Why do you allow your DD to sit in a car at all, as a seatbelt obviously doesn't prevent risk, and most trips are non essential?

a seatbelt obviously doesn't prevent risk

Fuck me this thread has really reached peak stupidity.

Yes I let her cross the road but I also make her look both ways as well rather than just blindly rubbing into the road - we all try and reduce risk and anyone letting passengers travel without a seatbelt is increasing risk. SURELY you aren't so thick that you can't see the difference?

If this was a one off incident it really wouldn't bother me. I think you are massively overreacting