AIBU about no Christmas Day answer

[MRex]

We offered that we'll cook, or BIL can (he has insisted on previous years), or they can have just the PIL and we'll do something else. Suggested they could pop over Xmas Eve instead if they prefer. We can't order meat when we don't know if we are cooking for anything from 0 to 11 people. Or if we are going, what dish we need to order for. Two weeks and still they "are thinking about it". It seems really late to me for ordering, AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

Who?

Just tell them what is happening.

Why are they deciding what PIL do?

@LilyTheMink

Who?

The BIL who sometimes cooks Xmas dinner won't reply about whether he wants to this year or not. Or even if they are spending Xmas with the rest of the family.

We don't order our xmas meat untilate November. I don't think it's too late to decide.

"Hi [name], please let us know what you're doing at Christmas by Wednesday so we can get ourselves organised. Thanks :)"

Something like that? Gives them a definitive deadline and if they don't reply you can go ahead and order on Wednesday safe in the knowledge that you've done all you can to accommodate them.

@Amberflames - PIL want to see everyone. We can be flexible about seeing them at other times around Xmas to make sure they can see everyone. We can't really demand that BIL turns up here nor that he cooks, we just want to know what he wants to do.

AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

Why are you assuming you have PIL and the other siblings, surely they have given you an answer?

How many extra will it be if BIL and family turn up?

Tell him you need an answer by the end of the week. It's still early and he could be waiting to find out what others are doing.
I don't understand the issue, it's only early November!!!!

@Whinge - they are also waiting for BIL to say what to do. If he isn't having them they are coming here. 5 extra (but only 4 really eating, one is very little).

I would say I need to order the meat by x date so please let us know what you want to do by then

It seems really late to me for ordering,

You do know that it's 8th November? And still almost 7 weeks to Christmas?

"Dear wider Family
Here is what the MRex family and I are going to do this christmas.
love MRex and family"

Job done.

Even when we had a local butchers they always had fresh meat in the days before Christmas.
One year hosts cancelled last minute and a nightmare trip to a supermarket on Christmas eve morning we got meat and all the trimmings.

Only reason I know who is here this year is because they are having to travel and they have given me their booking details. Otherwise I know in time for black Friday.

Why not just send a group message saying if we don't hear from people by a date we will assume you aren't coming over the Christmas period.

Can you just invite PIL to your house and leave flaky BIL to sort himself out? PIL are being U if they can’t make a decision either.

I didn't know ordering meat was a thing until I came on MN in middle age. In cities at least, meat is widely available all the time.

Just get a decent sized Turkey and you can have turkey sandwiches for weeks if nobody comes

it's more weeks till Christmas than fingers on my hand.

why on Earth do you need to order meat now?
is it something exotic that takes weeks to arrive?

DH gets the turkey in early December. that's it.
everything else he splits between 2 shopping trips: 1 week and 2-3 days before Christmas.
the minimum we have is 9 people. the max we had was 16-17.
never ever had any issues

Try actually speaking to everyone instead of sending texts/messages.
Harder to not reply.

@thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear

Can you just invite PIL to your house and leave flaky BIL to sort himself out? PIL are being U if they can’t make a decision either.

I didn't want to risk creating rival Xmas dinners. Some people seem to think it's a bit early to decide, I'll leave it another week or two and see if they answer.

Our lovely local butcher doesn't take any orders in December and some items can run out even earlier. You get what's there only if you don't order, it's not like anyone will starve but I prefer to book what we want.

Can you ring and ask over the phone and say you'll be ordering on X date (2 days before you actually want to order! ) so need to firm up plans?
Christmas can be tricky to sort out as it might depend on people's partners' families who may be waiting for their relatives etc etc. But someone needs to be first to firm something up!

Usually I would say it’s too early but whilst looking at waitrose and m and s to see what they were offering this year, I saw that lots of their Turkey crowns etc are sold out already so think lots of people sorting much earlier in case there is a shortage.

BIL is a rude git, they just need to decide what they want to do, takes a few minutes!!

PIL are being just as rude, waiting for BIL to decide before letting you know what they want to do.

Personally, as I HATE cooking, I'd send BIL a message 'assume you've decided you want to host this year, we'll be there at x time' 🤣

I wouldn't really!! But I'd definitely encourage him to host! 🤣🤣

It's early Nov, you actually have plenty of time to order the meat. If you like Turkey, why not order one anyway, if you don't, why are you getting one?

I'm thankful we're a veggie household [misses the point of thread].

Why do you need to know so early ?

I would assume he doesn't want to come, but your PILs are being unreasonable not to just accept an invitation from you in case he offers something too. I would invite them, give them a (short) deadline for deciding and then just inform BIL that you have PILs, if he wants to join you then he has to say so there and then or forever hold his peace.

If your PILs won't accept your invitation until they know for sure they aren't getting one from BIL then they're bloody rude and I would make the decision for them by telling them you're having Christmas on your own this year and they can work out their arrangements with BIL themselves.